Partner no longer wants to do AirBnB

[Neil408]

 Hi guys.

I'm not sure if this is the right place to post this but.... opinions welcome on my situation.

I've been doing airbnb for 4 ,5 years, before I met my current girlfriend, Christine who I've now been with for almost 4 years.

I started doing airbnb because I was made redundant shortly after buying my first house & didn't have a lot spare - The income from airbnb allowed me to continue paying the mortgage and eat. Fortunately I was only out of work 6 weeks so I didn't struggle for long.

I met my partner Christine in Jan 2017 and I explained to her that I did airbnb, she seemed okay about.

She moved in, in March of this year and last week said that she REALLY doesn't want to do airbnb, doesn't want to share the flat with anyone and it makes her feel uncomfortable. I asked if it was related to Covid and it isn't to do with that and we always keep the flat clean, she just doesn't want people there. Between April and mid July I only had 4 bookings for obvious reasons and it wasn't a problem then.

I have a large spacious 3 bed flat, period property and rent out two rooms. Airbnb has now picked up and I'm 90%  full for both the rooms which means I'm pretty much now back to normal in terms of demand. From 90% occupancy this month airbnb has generated approximately £1400 ($2000 USD) in turnover.

The issues we have - Christine doesn't currently work - she has a degree in photography and is a wedding photographer, she hasn't had any income on her photography business since January. Nothing.  And no future bookings at the moment. Yet because she lives with me and I support her she can't sign on to state benefits. I pay everything - council tax, food for both of us, mortgage, gas, water and electricity and maintenance charges on the flat. Christine earnt very good money (£700 per day +) as a wedding photographer but has always been TERRIBLE with money, doesn't save and likes designer everything. Bare in mind she lived at home with her parents until she was 31 and she's 32 in 4 months. I'm the opposite of her, I do like nice things and not opposed to spending on good quality items but also make sure I save for a rainy day always and have a safety net. She also refuses to contribute anything (partly because she has no money to pay me with and it's not her flat)

I do have a very good job in oil and gas currently as a Senior Project Manager  (although I'm still furloughed the company still pays my entire wage). I also have a Ltd Company doing engineering consulting on the side which gets me good money too and I have other income from a rental property that's been permanently tenanted for the last 3 years. The income from the side business has dropped considerably from what I was making before Covid but still good. Together all three income streams plus airbnb means I can live comfortably AND save, both of which are important to me and I appreciate is not available to everyone and I'm fortunate.

To stop doing airbnb would mean a drop of £1400 a month (or more) in busy times. And I've found that this extra £1400 has often made the difference between having to access my savings or not in low periods. I clearly earn enough to support both Christine and without her working at all but it has been instilled in me from a very young age that I work hard to pay the mortgage and eat first, and support important people in my life. If I was in her position I'd do ANYTHING to find even a basic job and stand on my own two feet and not be wholly reliant on another to pay for me. But she won't do a basic job because she said she feels its demeaning and 'beneath her' to do something she's over-qualified for. When I've been out of work, I've done ANY job to keep a roof over my head and I'm not proud. I may be a qualified Mechanical Engineer but if I had no money, sure, I'd take on a supermarket job if it meant I could eat and pay the bills.

I feel she cannot understand how important I see airbnb being especially when she isn't contributing anything right now. If Covid continues much longer I can;t see her wedding photography business picking up either. 

My grandparents on both side were very poor (my mums parents were Irish immigrants - a stay at home mum with 6 kids and a coal miner) and my Dad's parents had 2 kids and worked as a shopkeeper and an automotive fitter, none of which could be considered highly paid jobs. I saw my grandparents struggled hugely when I was growing up, they were dirt poor. I work hard because I don't want to end up in the same situation I saw them go through in their 70's and 80's, someone who works hard all their life and end up with basically nothing.

Do I worry too much about losing the airbnb income or am I justified? 

How do I convince Christine that we need it? 

What are the alternatives - I'm guessing you're going to say 'if she goes back to work you can scrap airbnb' .... but I don't see that happening soon. 

I personally really enjoy airbnb, I'm quite a gregarious, friendly, outgoing person who loves meeting new people and people from different cultures, places and backgrounds.

Help!

Neil

[Huma0]

@Anonymous 

Fair point. That's probably why I'm single!

Yeah, I totally get that having strangers occupying your space is not easy at all and really not for most people. In fact, I've been asked for advice by several people who wanted to start hosting and ended up discouraging them all, despite the referral bonuses I could have earnt. I didn't do it on purpose, but I wanted them to only go into it with their eyes open and, once they understood some of what it involved, they ran for the hills! People have a very skewed opinion about how easy hosting Airbnb guests is.

I'm also not some 50s housewife who believes that the breadwinner of the family gets to call all the shots. I do, however, think that it's maybe unreasonable to expect your partner to support you but not support all the efforts they put into supporting you. It's also just not very sensible when there is not that much job security.

Of course, like I said, we are only hearing one side of the story though. Who knows what sort of guests and stress Christine has had to deal with?

[Debra300]

@Neil408 

Since we don't hear Christine's side of the story, there may be legitimate reasons why she doesn't want to continue hosting.  I looked at your listings, and they look clean and comfortable.  I did notice that one-night stays are allowed.  Unless you are very close to the airport, an overnight stay is more akin to a motel.  Based upon the amount of money you said that you make monthly £1400/$1830, it appears that you have a lot of short stays.  I can understand how Christine may get tired of the windmill of guests coming through if my assessment is correct.  Her desire to quit hosting may truly be just what she told you in that it's about the lack of privacy.

I have no advice to give you regarding your relationship.  Just remember people change for themselves, and not for others.  Plus, they get exactly what they are willing to put up with.

[Sarah977]

@Debra300  "Just remember people change for themselves, and not for others."

That's definitely true, but it's also true that people who aren't willing to compromise have a hard time maintaining successful relationships. No one should be expected to compromise their core values (and trying to get along on a daily basis with someone whose basic values are quite different from yours is a recipe for strife) but sharing a life with someone else means no one gets things their way all the time.

[Mike-And-Helen0]

@Neil408 what if you separated the issues?

The B&B issue doesn't have to link to the girlfriend thinking you owe her a living issue.

There is a halfway between doing B&B and not doing it, such as picking it up again if you do get laid off.

I would do any job to bring in a wage and if she really said it was beneath her to do so, well she has given you the gift of valuable information about your future together.

[Katrina79]

@Neil408 find someone more like yourself and less like Christine. If she can’t rise to survive, she’ll drag you down. 

[Debra300]

@Neil408,

My recommendation to a compromise with Christine regarding Airbnb requires a bit of renovation. If the two rental rooms are next to each other, you change the furnishings in one bedroom to that of a living room, and add a few more small appliances to what you already offer to make a kitchenette (mini-fridge, microwave, toaster) with diningware, cookware and kitchen utensils?  Then rent the bedroom and living room as a private guest suite with a shared bathroom, and change the minimum stay to between 14 and 28 days.  You can take it further is there a way to block off access to your living room and kitchen.  These changes could potentially limit the interaction with guests, and lessen the turnover. This is good because of COVID-19 social distancing, and can possibly give Christine an increased sense of security as she is probably home alone with the guests (strangers).

[Sarah977]

@Neil408  What you are asking here has very little to do with Airbnb- you are essentially asking for relationship advice. And it seems you didn't have the necessary conversations with your girlfriend before deciding to throw all your marbles in together. Couples get into similar situations when they are seriously dating and discuss whether they want children or not- they both do, yet never discuss their views on child-rearing, have a baby, then find out they have diametrically opposed ideas on how to raise the child.

I'm no relationship counselor, but I suggest you find yourself one and attend sessions with your girlfriend-  the issues you mention aren't going to be resolved by you not doing Airbnb anymore.  You sound like a responsible adult and she sounds like an entitled child who has a lot of growing up to do, which may, in fact, never happen.

[Ann72]

@Neil408  The "it's-not-my-fault" person is strangely always the "but-it's-your-responsibility" person.  This person doesn't have your happiness front and center. 

Christine moves in, sees you doing something you really enjoy - something that takes your eyes off her for a minute - and says you need to get rid of it.  She just doesn't like it, no real reasons give, so you need to stop liking it.

We've only seen one side of Christine, and in more than one response you haven't said too much about her other side - you know, the warm, caring one, the one your parents and all your friends love.

I think you came here to figure out how to break up with her and for that you have my blessing.

[Sandra126]

Or if you want another option,  she can keep seeing you but move back home. Seemingly you were happy like that for four years. But I am with the overall feeling here. Not a gre a t match, and giving her pin money will only cause resentment.