Saftey advice to female hosts

[Gabrielle31]

Hi to all female hosts,

After some stressful experiences, I've decided to refuse any further booking requests from men. I thought about perhaps only accepting men who meet certain profile and verification criteria, but at the moment I think it's far simpler to refuse all men and avoid the worry.

I offer a single room in my two bedroom flat. I've hosted two single male guests. Both tried it on – albeit in their subtle-but-not-so-subtle ways. I felt VERY uncomfortable. 

I decided to stay out of their way, going out almost every night to avoid them. One guest unnerved me so much, that when I did sleep at home, I kept a rape alarm under my pillow.

I guess they saw me as fair game, although neither of them new whether I had a boyfriend or not – that didn't seem to be a concern for them. I found it very difficult to be the friendly accomodating host, while asserting the fact that I was not available for intimacy. I know how affability can be mis-read, which can be ok in the outside world but when you're 'trapped' with a guy like this in your apartment it's scarey.

The second male guest outright confessed that he chose my place because my photo was attractive and that I appeared to be single (he purposefully looked for evidence of a man in my text). I have since changed my profile to include my boyfriend – luckily I do have one, he just doesn't live with me in London right now.

My advice is to think really carefully about hosting a single male guest if you live alone. Even if that male guest says he is married. Even if they have a few good reviews. If you have an attractive profile photo, they are most certainly checking you out and thinking of ways to get intimate with you once they are inside your home. 

And if you have a boyfriend, make sure he features in your profile – it may help to deter the creeps. 

[Lawrene0]

Sorry for your experiences, @Gabrielle31. Having a boyfriend/girlfriend/sibling/friend in your profile picture is very good advice. We all have to do whatever works to make us feel secure, whether travelling or hosting. Thanks for sharing. Stay safe.

[Trevor-And-Susan0]

Lawrence, I love your advice! Single women hostesses on Airbnb have every reason to be afraid because bad men could use it as a stalking tool. And the single best way to use a profile pic for a single woman host is a pic with a man. Any man. Your dad or uncle or brother or maybe that biker dude at Starbucks that seems friendly. Any United States Marine. Any cop. That's an instant turn off to stalkers.

[Wendy-and-Frank0]

Yeast infection medicine left on their bathroom sink and on the kitchen island helps, too.  😉

[Branka-and-Silvia0]

@Wendy-and-Frank0 

lol 😄 unfotunatelly not always

[Andrea9]

@Gabrielle31

Sorry to hear about your unpleasant experiences. There are all kinds of guests out there  and if a a male guest leaning towards predatory tendencies is not put back into his place from the get-go he'll probably feel enforced in his thinking and think it's all fair game. Regard yourself as a professional private hotel and clearly put a guy like that civily back in his place about the fact that you are only offering accommodation like any female employee at a hotel welcome desk would. If you still feel threatened or uncomfortable, you can/should call Airbnb (I'm sure you have them on speed dial) and ask to have them relocated.

That being said, I decided long ago to not accept male guests only.

[Andrea9]

PS @Gabrielle31

Feel free to see how I handle this in my listing, and it weeds out 99,8% all-male inquiries/requests.

Before it was quite as 'in your face' it was about 70-80%.

[Bethany7]

Hi @Andrea9! I was wondering if you ever get flagged for saying females only but also welcoming females with a partner? I would love to advertise that way, as I have great experiences with only women and with a male and female couple, but have had several odd requests from single men trying to book. Thank you!

[Wendy-and-Frank0]

@Bethany7, in the United States, you can discriminate based on gender if you're sharing the house.

They can flag all they want but ABB will have your back.

[Andrea9]

@Bethany7

Not that I know of. Airbnb has never contacted me about it.

As @Wendy-and-Frank0 says, it's allowed if there are shared spaces (also as in they have to pass through your home to get to their room/bathroom).

Nice touch the yeast medicine 😉

[Helen3]

I am so sorry to hear about your experiences. I do hope as well as flagging their profiles you contacted Airbnb directly to highlight your concerns about these guests.

Do you have IB turned on. If so, turn it off and chat to guests in advance to make sure you are comfortable with guests before accepting them.

I accept guests of both sexes and am glad to say I haven't had any issues at all so far.

[Sally91]

That really sucks that women have to live in such fear of men. I have several single friends who won't host because of this. I do worry for you though concerning airbnb's new non discrimination policy. Will you be seen as sexist for denying male guest requests? I would look into it further. Thank you for sharing your experience with the community.

[Kinda0]

I wondered the same thing, but when reading all the clauses and rules in that - it's completely fine to not rent based on gender if you have a shared space such as kitchen or living room. (My situation too). 

[Helen56]

I also only rent out my spare room to women for all the reasons you have stated.  It's not against any law or airbnb's rules.  Many of my guests say that they chose my place because it was women only and travelling alone they felt more comfortable that way.

[Trevor-And-Susan0]

I think single women have every good reason to be concerned about hosting men. I even see how Airbnb could be used as a stalking tool. I think that's what really scares us all who offer rooms in our own house. The level of trust we grant in an instant is like....almost absurd. "Hi welcome here's your keys, we're going out now, have fun don't blow the place up!" If a single woman will only accept woman guests it does not guarantee that her guest will be respectful but IT SURE AS HELL UPS THE CHANCES. And maybe if one house only speaks Spanish and they prefer Spanish speaking guests or maybe different religions, I don't see any problem here. If a host is able to connect with only people of his or her culture or tradition of religion, theoretically that should result in less conflict, not more. And incidentally, that makes my listing more valuable because we host diverse peoples. And we are very blessed to have hosted our guests. These are just thoughts. I will do another post about safety advice especially for females.