Bad guest

[Laylee0]

Hi everyone, I started hosting last September and am still learning as I go. The forum has been really helpful for me as whenever I need help there’s usually a post I find with lots of answers, and even worse stories that make mine feel like nothing.

I’d love to hear everyone’s thoughts on this situation though! 

I have a girl staying with me at the moment for 4 months at £10 a night (yes, maybe the long stay and the cheap rate are two of my first mistakes). She’s a lovely girl but does my head in and i’ve been miserable living at mine since she arrived. From repeatedly putting on a wash load just for one towel (I dealt with this by telling her not to, but I know some hosts charge for washes), leaving streak marks in the toilet (I was cleaning them up after her until they stopped, then another guest told me he’d been cleaning them up), leaving the heating on constantly even when she’s out (also been dealt with), constantly moaning about the UK cold (she’s from Australia), on her phone to her Oz friends in the kitchen anywhere from 7am onwards (another guest complained), not respecting house rules such as no shoes upstairs, requested a desk in her room which I bought and built, but then she studies in shared spaces, leaves crumbs on the kitchen side, black marks all over the floor from her shoes and doesn’t clean them up (yes I do clean them up myself but I just think it’s conmon courtesy if you make a mess in someone’s house you clean it up?) 

Her attitide is “I’m so chilled” (she says it a lot) which makes me feel like I’m being uptight and that if I say something about any of the above it’s my problem because I’m not chilled - though I am, just not when she’s around.

Now the final straw that sent me over the edge. She once got in a mood because I couldn’t give her a lift to pick up a bike she bought. So when she said her friend was coming to visit (“he’s only staying two days and will just crash in my bed”) she was hinting she wanted a lift to pick him up from the station. I stupidly offered, remembering the mood from last time and I guess in all honesty I thought maybe it would help us bond a bit. I didn’t realise it was 10.45pm, and I kicked myself as it got nearer the time and wondered why he couldn’t get a taxi like everyone else. He’s not a paying guest either (she didn’t even offer to pay extra for him to stay and since I can be lenient with the no guest policy once I get to know the guest I thought “ok, she’s here 4 months, it’s a nice surprise, I’ll let it slide”). I go to collect “him” and there’s 2 of them. I was fuming but didn’t let it show. I say there’s the small room to stay in as i’d blocked it off (I’m so fed up of Airbnb hosting since she’s moved in that I’ve blocked off loads of dates until after she leaves) and she says “I was just going to crash on the couch, I’m chilled” and in my head I’m thinking “no you flipping well won’t!” But again mentioning the chilled thing so that by me offering them an extra bed I’m not chilled? 

I go to bed and end up ringing my mate in tears because I’ve worked so hard on my house and I absolutely hate it there at the moment.

The next morning i ask I ask her how long they’re staying and it turns out it isn’t 2 nights at all, it’s 3 nights before Scotland, and I don’t know how many nights on their way back (I couldn’t make out what she said as she did her blasé “few nights” thing again.)

I didn’t want to speak to her when I’m angry so I left the house, and while walking my dog phoned her to ask her to stay with them elsewhere. She starts crying, we talk it out, and by the end of the conversation I feel better for standing up for myself and say it’s fine, just stay at mine, enjoy yourselves, I’ll stay at my mum’s. 

But it’s still playing on my mind as I feel I’ve been taken the piss out of and manipulated.

Any thoughts/opinions/advice you can offer is much appreciated! I know asking guests to read and agree to house rules when booking (I didn’t do this), and reiterating these when they arrive, are essential. I do say “no shoes upstairs” when people arrive and I have a house guide that people read on arrival (and she has read it). 

Like I say, she is a lovely girl, and it’s her first Airbnb so I won’t leave her a bad review (I won’t leave her one at all as I’m sure she’ll learn from this experience and be a better guest next time). 

[Helen3]

Oh dear this is a mess @Laylee0 

Why on earth are you staying somewhere else because of this guests appalling behaviour? This is your home. Get back there and take control.

We have all been through this as new hosts (and more experienced ones), but if you don't learn to 'woman up' you will have some guests who will continue to push your boundaries. You are not there to win a popularity contest. You are running a business. Be polite but firm. No lifts to the station, no accommodating a guests, guests for free, no clearing up after your guest in the bathroom or kitchen. Who cares if she says she is chilled. She's not the one running a business from her home.

Get back in touch with the guest now. Explain that you are not comfortable with her friends staying at your place, particularly as she lied to you and said one person was coming for a night who would share with her and it ended up with two people who needed a separate room for three nights who she wanted to stay for free. Inform her that she will need them to find somewhere else to stay from tonight. Don't listen to any tears or pleadings. She is just taking advantage of you. Follow this up on Airbnb messaging.

Hopefully you have recorded all her bad behaviour on Airbnb messaging. Once you have informed her that her friends need to leave, I would get on the phone to Airbnb and ask them to cancel the booking because you no longer feel comfortable with the guest as she breaks your house rules.

I would offer her, her money back from remaining nights to help her find something else.

Please unblock your dates so you can accommodate nicer guests. If you have IB turn it off, so you can better vet your guests and only take short term bookings until you learn the ropes.

£10 a night for your location is quite frankly mad. What are others around you charging for similar places?

[Nancy26]

As an experienced landlord, I can tell you that you cannot give an inch on the important issues.  As an airbnb host I often will offer a ride to a guest, but I am doing the offering.  You need to take control of this situation (and better yet, next time don't let it spiral out of control).  NO other overnight guests.   That is easy to enforce.  No more laundry. Disconnect the machine for now if you have to. 

How soon is she out?   Don't get discouraged to do airbnb in the future but let this be a learning lesson on what not to do. 

Record everything in detail with dates and pictures. 

By all means, when she leaves, put this in her review so no other hosts are subject to this behavior. 

[Rosemarie9]

Do exactly as Helen advised. She sounds like she knows she can push you around and you will just take it. There is no excuse for her behaviour, and I apologise on behalf of us better raised Australians! Up your price, lay down the rules and behaviour you expect, and don't be pushed around in your own home. As I've said on here before, hosting some guests is like babysitting. Unfortunately, you just grow a thicker skin like I have. It does get easier the more experienced you get.

[Suzanne302]

@Laylee0 

I agree with @Helen3  and she said it beautifully. Get this guest OUT! You are going to be miserable for 4 months if you don't. She is 100% taking advantage of you. You're not her friend, you are renting her a room.

Her friends are USING you to stay for free! As Helen said, get on the phone with CS and tell them she broke your rules by inviting extra guests into your home and you don't feel safe.

Good luck, take your house back, and please let us know how this goes!

[Mark116]

I think it's a mistake to leave the house to this clueless, messy, unreliable person and her friends.  

What you should have done is agree that what you originally agreed to:  1 extra was okay, but 2 extra is not okay, certainly not without full payment.

And, presumably you have learned your lessons about trying to be chill with people who just then take more advantage.  Make your rules clear and stick by them.  Don't do favors for the guests, they almost always will not be grateful.

[Paul154]

@Laylee0 

The nice thing about undercharging (10 pounds/night) is that you will lose little $$ when you kick her out.

You can even entice her by saying you'll give all that income back to her.

(Conversely, the guest won't WANT to leave, cuz the rent is soooo cheap)

Good riddance.

[Gordon0]

I'm angry just reading this. Get shot of these tramps, now. 

[Ian-And-Anne-Marie0]

Good advice from @Helen3 and @Nancy26  so all you initially need to do is refer your guest to how she has broken your existing house rules and if you can moneterise the '1 extra guest' do that. If not, then like the other experiences you have learned, update your house rules to alliviate these problems happening again. Guests need to agree to house rules before they book - so no need to show them on arrival - they've already agreed. At least, the one guest you have has! If you want her out - just tell her, its hard but its the only way.

Sensible and reasonable use of the washing machine update. common courtesy update - not many people have it and you won't be able to teach it in the time people stay with you so "guests must clean up after themselves" update. No guests update. Or additional guest charge update. Security deposit? (Update).

She's chilled - except when she's crying? "But it’s still playing on my mind as I feel I’ve been taken the piss out of and manipulated". You've got it. She's bought a mate to take the piss out of and its not only her abusing your hospitality its her friends too. She is in no position to offer your hospitality to anyone.

Price list. It might sound mercinary but if you're extending a service to guests attach a price to it. Likewise in business, it is easy to try to absorb costs, don't. If you write down what you want for a service before the event happens - or before the problem occurs you will already have the process to sort it. If you want to be accomodating of some demands let that be your own choice.

If you had an extra guest charge then you could charge for them - especially in providing another room! Another room(?) You already have an existing charge for that... tell your guest theres a charge to use it. Otherwise - no room at the Inn... I'm sure if your guest came to you and said "I have a couple of friends coming to stay on their way to Scotland, is it OK that they can stay and they'd like to pay you £100 for 3 nights... is that OK?" I'm sure it would be, and you wouldn't feel so bad.

Good luck.

[Laylee0]

Wow, thanks everyone! It’s great to hear from you all as more experienced hosts! I was going to reply to each post but as so many of you have said get rid of her I’ve written a message which I’ll send to her through AirBnB messages in the morning detailing what I’m unhappy with and how she’s broken house rules and then i’ll ring Airbnb to cancel her booking and offer her her money back so that she can find somewhere else. I was going to send it tonight but she’s still there with her friends and I don’t want any nasty surprises when I get back. 

@Helen0 and others saying I should get back there and take control, I don’t feel there’s much I can do while there as I can’t forcibly remove them from the property and I’d just be sat in my room keeping out of the way, so I think my best bet is wait for them to leave tomorrow then I can take action. My other Airbnber is there and he’s great, he’s also none the wiser and says they’re nice and he’s no problem with them staying. So I doubt they’ll trash it while he’s there. 

Thanks to everyone’s advice about standing my ground on rules and making them clearer/updating them. I definitely realised that I’ve taken certain things as common sense or courtesy that clearly aren’t for everyone and I need to be a lot more clear in my listings. I’ll read through some of your listings for tips! 

@Helen0 when you say no clearing up after your guests in the bathroom and kitchen, I assumed this was my job as a host? I have said in the rules and house guide that I expect people to clean up after themselves, but I also thought it was my job at the same time. 

Thanks, I turned off Instant Book recently since becoming unhappy there. Apparently this gets you less bookings though, so I’ll see how it goes! 

I charged her £10 a night because she is there 4 months and it’s a downstairs room without a view (the window looks into the conservatory) so I thought it was a fair price. My other two rooms are £15-20 which is similar to other hosts in my area. 

@Nancy0 she leaves 14th June, (or sooner now if Airbnb sort it tomorrow!). And I spoke to her after she’d been there 2 weeks and I’d noticed her washing one towel 2-3 times and she stopped after that. But I do feel because my rooms are cheap. that I agree with @Ian0 and Anne-Marie and any services I extend to guests should now be chargeable. (One guest was running a hot bath every night, after getting the energy bill I’ll definately be charging people for them in future!)  

@Ian0 and Anne-Marie that’s a great point, she’s in no position to be offering my house and hospitality to anyone. And I’ll update my rules with the things you mentioned. Here’s where I’ll get slammed though..I don’t ask for a security deposit! My reason is because they could break anything from a few plates to a piece of furniture, so I didn’t think any amount would cut it. Plus I thought that it just adds more cost to the trip, what with cleaning fees, Airbnb fees, etc. I’m guessing I should now add a deposit based on length of stay? I do realise if I’d had a security deposit I could have just kept that for this incident. 

And you’re right, if she’d asked if they could stay and offered to pay I would’ve been fine about it. It was just the fact she told me he was coming, didn’t offer to pay extra, then 2 turn up. 

[Ian-And-Anne-Marie0]

@Laylee0  I think you have it under control now, however...

Here’s where I’ll get slammed though..I don’t ask for a security deposit! My reason is because they could break anything from a few plates to a piece of furniture, so I didn’t think any amount would cut it. Plus I thought that it just adds more cost to the trip, what with cleaning fees, Airbnb fees, etc. I’m guessing I should now add a deposit based on length of stay? I do realise if I’d had a security deposit I could have just kept that for this incident.

Security Deposits are only really a deterrent and don't exist in cash only in a promise at the end of a guests stay. No upfront charge is made and it shouldn't affect bookings (I believe like a Hotel a card charge authorisation is made just before the guests arrive), in fact, it would be good if all hosts were to make a security deposit just to show solidarity amongst hosts rather than 'theoretially' competing on 'cheapest' option.

I've read that for things like 'extra guests' and the mention in your house rules that 'extra guests' will incur a immediate penalty of £xx, this will make it easier for you to access the security deposit fund for that reason if it becomes necessary. Since guests agree to abide by your house rules they accept your afore mentioned penalties.

I'm sure other hosts will chime in here as I'm still building/ re-building my house rules to make it clearer for guests and to avoid as much possible host discrimination by AirBnb.

[Laylee0]

@Ian-And-Anne-Marie0 i didn’t realise this, I had thought when I booked a couple of Airbnb’s a couple of years ago that I paid the security deposit on booking and got it refunded at the end of my stay. Not sure why. Maybe I just assumed! This is great to know and I’ll add a security deposit and mention it in my house rules when I update them this weekend. Thanks 🙂 

[Linda108]

@Laylee0   This young woman is not a "guest" but is a roommate.  Have you ever had a roommate before?  Most of us who have had roommates find we need to continuously communicate and to hold each other responsible.  At this point, you are seeing yourself as the victim with no power.  Actually you have the power to require the young woman to leave.  You have allowed a person who has a very different sense of commitment and honesty than you do and decided to believe her.  There are a lot of nice people who are not good partners, or friends, or employees, or roommates.

The hosts have given you support and understanding, but only you can implement an action plan to do something about this.  Apparently hunkering down and waiting until she is gone might be your plan of choice, right?   Not a bad plan especially if you really embrace the lessons learned.

[Laylee0]

@Linda108 thank you.

i’ve lived in shared houses before and now you mention it, I guess I was the same then as I am now in a house I own. Request politely, bite my tongue, start looking for ways out, counting the days until it’s all over. I do think she sees this as a shared house and so I’ve told her once before that it isn’t, it’s my business, and I told her again the other day when I phoned her to sort the guest thing out. I had planned to hunker down and learn my lessons, yes! But now I’ve read what the other hosts have said and I will definately be phoning CS in the morning to cancel her booking. 

[Kelly149]

@Laylee0prepare yourself now for CS to try to disagree with you, to tell you that it's not so bad, that really wouldn't the fair thing to do is to give her another chance....

you for sure want to go into it with the mindset of "she's broken our terms so she should not be allowed to stay", not "well, I'd like to cancel her". Bc we all know how ABB feels about hosts cancelling things.

Perhaps search some threads here in the CC to see when/how other hosts have been able to remove (remember, you aren't cancelling!), remove bad guests.

Good luck!