Things guests do that make you smile & your fantasized solutions

[Cari3]

I have an 'outdoor shower' (note the word 'outdoor').  So yesterday a 6 foot giant of a guest whose in the military told me:  "You want to check out your shower - this morning there was a centipede in there that freaked me out."  I just had to smile.  Here's my fantasized solution:  "Letter to all centipedes, slugs, spiders and whatever other garden critters live in and around in our little urban farm:  While I totally understand that you think the entire garden is your domain (as you are banned -and removed should you forget this- from ALL indoor spaces), please note that you are mistaken.  This outdoor shower is a GUEST ONLY SPACE. Please comply with this regulation as of August 2019.  PS.  if you can't read or understand this notice please return to centipede, slug, spider whatever school so they can teach you the 3 R's:  

1) Reading,

2) Respect for guests who are freaked out by you and

3) Reality: us wee humans sometimes have unrealistic expectations of what the great outdoors entail.  

Sorry! Yours sincerely The Management."  

And I suppose along with that I suppose I should add a list of all possible garden critters under 'shared amenities' for 'just in case'.  

[Cari3]

Oh wow, what an interesting looking and sounding critter.  Never come across one of these!  I can just imagine what sort of shrieks might have been emitted by my guest had he seen one of these!

[Sarah977]

@Cari3  No, I can't imagine you'd ever encounter one in the Pacific Northwest 🙂 I've only seen them in Mexico, both in tropical and desert locales, but then, there's a lot of places on this earth I've never been.

I could box up a dead one and send it to you, a really big one. Then you could put it in a frame on the shower wall with a caption: "Scared of centipedes?  Just be happy none of these live around here."

[Cari3]

Tee hee hee..... now THAT would make the point!   

And no, I don’t  think I’ll ever see one here.  

[Lawrene0]

@Cari3 , I need you to write up a restraining order against the horsefly currently buzzing my outdoor shower. Thanks! 

@Branka-and-Silvia0 , I know what you mean. I removed a waterlogged dead muskrat from the riverbank at the treehouse this spring. It is not that I have any love of dealing with heavy, flood-deposited muskrats. It is just that someone had to do it, and no one was stepping up. I don't think I'm wrong in assuming a dead muskrat would nose-dive a host's cleaning stars.

I won't go into detail except to say I had to shoo away a buzzard (turkey vulture) first. 

It's a glamorous life, isn't it?

[Branka-and-Silvia0]

@Lawrene0 

and the best is when people think that being a host and a landloard is glamorous 😄 😄

[Cari3]

No problem Lawrene.....English? German?  French? Maybe we can get Babbel to create Horsefly!  I’m getting to be a dab hand at things like ‘orders’ and ........‘retraining orders’ I’m quite sure fall into the same category!  PS.  If he/she doesn’t read any of the above please remember to suggest a return to school to relearn those 3 R’s!

[Cari3]

Now listen Brannagan and Silvia....... are you trying to downgrade the importance of my wee centipede?  I mean she was feeling pretty proud of herself for creating such terror in such a big dude until your story came up......but now she’s feeling a little outdone by a buzzard and a waterlogged dead muskrat!!!!

[Lisa723]

We recently had a guest suggest that we should (could?) eliminate the slugs and spiders around our cottage in the woods. <sigh>

[Helen427]

@Lisa723 @Lisa723 @Lawrene0 @Branka-and-Silvia0 
@Lisa723  We have Hedgehogs to eat snails & slugs.

 I've been reading about them in Papers Past NZ in the last week as it's been in the news here that sadly some oxymoron's here in New Zealand who fail to look at the wider picture why we have "All Creatures Great & Small'' that arrived to our lands on Noah's Ark,  are trying to get them banned, yes banned.

This  is despite the strong anti man made chemical use in the environment including on food crops where Hedgehogs are very useful to have about.

Hedgehogs and Snails - Life in New Zealand 1877

https://paperspast.natlib.govt.nz/newspapers/NZH18770124.2.27

You make like to try source one for in your garden & mention it in your listing as an added attraction.

They are innocent little critters and here for a purpose.

All the best

[Cari3]

A hedgehog......ooo how cool.  We’re going to have an interesting world when there are just humans left and no creatures great and small!

[Sarah977]

@Cari3  I tend to think the insects and other little critters will be around long after we've managed to make the planet unihabitable for humans.

[Cari3]

You’re probably right although we’ve managed to ‘extinct’ quite a few.

[Cari3]

Ah yes..... I can only echo your double sigh!!!!  Like I said....us wee unrealistic little humans.

[Branka-and-Silvia0]

@Lisa723 

I am speechless...

[Kira32]

 @Cari3 @This is so funny. I do not have a backyard but would definitely copy your words!