Weird guest

Weird guest

I'm currently hosting an American born Vietnamese for 11 days. He's occupying the guest room in my two bedrooms apartment. He's been here since Tuesday. Since the minute he stepped foot into my apartment, he wouldn't stop talking to me for 5 hours. In between, I went to take a long shower, got ready, took my bag and wanted to go out. He stopped me by creating another conversation. In that 5 hours, he told me his life story. (Come on. I know you're being friendly, but you don't have to tell me your life story. I'm really not interested. Imagine if I had to listen to all my guests' life stories. Geez.) Each time I tried to tell him that I had to go, he interrupted me. He told me that he had clinical depression recently, hence he wanted to relocate from LA to Melbourne. He also told me, "I bet you've never had clinical depression before but you are bound to face it one day, and when you do, do not commit suicide. (WTF?! Is he nuts?) His stories included how he got brain injury, how he broke up with his ex-girlfriend and ex-fiancee. After 5 hours, I told him that I really really had to go. Then I quickly took my bag and leave. Guess what? He ran to his room, quickly wore his shoes and said he would go with me? (Weird as f***) Fortunately, he had to use the toilet before leaving. While he was in the toilet, I ran out and quickly left. On Wednesday, I wasn't feeling well, so I slept until 2 pm. When I woke up, he wasn't around. I felt relieved. I went to shower and came out of the bathroom. He was in the dining area. So I said hi. Then he started talking to me. "Are you okay?" I said, "Yeah, I'm fine." He said, "You slept the whole day. You don't have much to do in life do you?" (Like whaatttt? Judgemental much?) I just ignored him and walked to my room and then shut the door. He sleeps quite early (9 pm), so that's when I usually get out of my room. On Thursday morning, I got up at 7:30 to shower and I was done by 8. I had an hour before I had to go out. So I laid on my bed and watched an episode. At 8:30, he came to the window outside my room to look out. My door was left ajar and he talked to me. I ignored him. He repeated again. "Are you okay?" I said, "Yeah, I'm fine." He said, "You've been in bed all night." I got annoyed. I answered, "Yeah, I know. I'm leaving soon. I've got class at 9." (Geez. You don't have to observe me in such a creepy way.) He told me, "I'm going to go eat healthy, as I've got acid reflux and I can't drink coffee." (He told me this the first day he arrived, and he still asked me where to get the best coffee in Melbourne!) I said, "okay." Then he started going on and on and on and on about his problem. I just ignored him. He went out before I left for class. I came back at 2 pm and he wasn't at home. THANK GOD! He came back an hour later and asked me, "how was your day? Did you do much?" I said, "Yeah, it was fine." Then I ran to my room." He came and talk to me outside my room. He asked me, "Do you have a car?" I said, "No." Then he told me he had a jeep and asked what car I wanted. I answered a mini cooper. He told me, "You want a hairdresser car?" I asked him, "What's that?" He said, "Clearly, you don't mix with local australians much. You just stick to your own clan." (Dude. WTF. Just because you've got dual American and Australian citizenship, doesn't mean you can speak to me that way. You were from another country too.) I felt so offended. I told him I do have local friends and they've never said that to me before. He told me, "You mix with the wrong people." WTF. Is he weird or am I too sensitive?

15 Replies 15
Paul691
Level 2
Atlanta, GA

my two cents - AirBNB is a social based platform and therefore social norms should be adhered to. While its important to be appreciative of other persons definitions of 'normal' (including from other countries and cultures) there is a general expectation that the cultural norm of the country that you are in applies. With that said regardless of what country or culture this seems to be largely inappropriate behaviour. AirBNB is about renting a place to stay, not renting a friend, confidant, councillor, taxi driver. Of course if a friendship or whatever naturally evolves mutually fair enough, but its shouldnt be expected or forced. At no point should you as a host be forced to "rush out the appartment while the guest is in the bathroom". 

 

Honestly I would require this guest to leave!

 

 

I just had to find out whether this was out of the norm before reporting this issue to Airbnb. 

Definitely weird! This would make me very uncomfortable indeed.

 

I would get someone to stay over for a night or two and talk to him about your ground rules. If he doesn't respond well to this, ask him to leave.

 

 

which brings up a question, if I find a guest inappropriate, weird or just a pain in the butt, what is my recourse? We have had an inquiry for a one month stay, lot's of questions about our space and not verified. They want to do a site survey, they have a pet that has trouble with steps, how many steps are there, is it air conditioned, where is the thermostat?

 

We work full time and don't need "needy" guests. Do I have the right to tell a guest they have to go if they are intolerable?

Marie405
Level 10
Taguig, Philippines

I hope you're not home alone with your guest @Jeanette68.  If you are, get a friend(s) to stay with you until this guy's booking finishes.

I’m home alone with my dog 😞 

Lyndsey2
Level 10
Stonington, CT

He sounds lonely and socially awkward. Maybe just some gentle ground rules would help. You've said that you've run away, slipped out, and hid but I never heard you say that you explained that you'd prefer he behave differently. I'd likely just tell him that in order to relax in your home, you need some space and quiet. So, while you enjoy greeting him when you see each other in the home, when you are in your bedroom, you expect to be left alone unless there is an emergency. At least that will cut down on him awkwardly talking to you through your door. Can't do much about his personality though, that's just unfortunate.

Thanks for the advice, Lindsey

Branka-and-Silvia0
Level 10
Zagreb, Croatia

@Jeanette68 you are not to sensitive. This is weird.

@Jeanette68

Not just weird......... also really really CREEPY!!!!!!!

Bet you've never had clinical depression before but you are bound to face it one day?!?!?!?! You don't have much to do in life do you?!?!?!?!?!?!? You mix with the wrong people?!?!?!?!?!

 

Time to run for the hills~~~~~~~~ I hope you contacted Airbnb to get that guy out of your home and your life.

Linda108
Level 10
La Quinta, CA

@Jeanette68  Compulsive speech with little or no self-limiting is a psychological symptom but not a dangerous one and not likely to respond to any limit setting by you.  If you are so uncomfortable, you can cancel his stay and request he relocate.  Contact Air BNB to accomplish this change.  Here is a guide to contacting Air BNB.

https://community.withairbnb.com/t5/Help/Contact-Airbnb-A-Community-Help-Guide/m-p/16165#M728

Fred13
Level 10
Placencia, Belize

Was about to post more or less what Linda said.

First choice is that you explicitly explain to him he can't be taking up all your time, nor be peeping through windows, etc. He has no clue what space means. He is totally socially inept.

I you feel that uncomfortable then go the cancellation route.

Either way, sooner or later, you must learn to be able to say no, without apology or guilt.

Kirk-And-Cyndi0
Level 2
Olympic Valley, CA

This would make me highly uncomfortable!! He is very inappropriate. It is nice to be have a little small talk conversations with guest but this is not normal at all. Plus I dont feel you should be there alone with him at all. I would report him and ask him to leave .

Amanda-and-Deb0
Level 2
Auckland, New Zealand

I think Lyndsey gave a thoughtful and compassionate response - people often seem 'weird' when they just have some social awkwardness, or anxieties.  I've had a couple of guests who were challenging from that point of view, but found it best to just be firm and upfront eg "I'm just needing some time out at the moment so please don't be offended when I say I'd rather not chat at the moment" or "I've had a bit of a busy time today/last few days ... and need some quiet".    

Some of my more socially challenging guests have also proven to be the most delightful as I've got to know them.  Some people just need to be given clearly defined boundaries and are usually quite ok at having you outline them for them.  

I hope this resolved well for you.  It is super hard to be upfront sometimes, but usually the best resolution happens quite quickly when you are that kind and clear.  And also you can feel proud of yourself for being brave enough to speak up.

Talking through a semi open door is usually something we only do with people we know really, really well... but if you are socially awkward you don't understand it is actually intrusive.  I don't think it means that the person is dangerous.  Re the car stuff... he could be trying to engage you in conversation and what he means to be a slightly funny conversation starter is unfortunately coming across as judgemental.  I hope that is what you'be been finding in the last few days!