Family Pet Killed by Gue...?!

[Sarah327]

Apologies as this is an extremely distressing post to write but I would be very grateful for any advice offered!

I recently hosted a young couple for 3-nights.

They arrived quite late on their first night and upon introducing myself, three of my cats (two ginger and one black) followed me up the steps as if to say 'Hi' and one of the guest's stepped outside the door to pet them briefly. 

The next evening I was eating dinner when there was a knock at the door and my neighbour told they had found one of my ginger cats dead on the lane. I immediately ran down the lane to find his cold, wet body just a few hundred yards from the entrance to our drive. There were tyre marks along the grass verge just short of where he was laid. The only saving grace about it was he appeared to have been hit and killed instantly.

After a distressing 24+ hours, arranging the cremation of my cat and enquiring with our neighbours to see if anyone had seen anything or might own up to hitting him, I learned there were only two cars on the lane around the time my cat had left the house and been killed and later found dead. One being our guests... and our lane is usually very quiet, it is not a through route and mostly neighbour's driving down it and there is very little traffic especially in the evening/at night.

Upon my guest's departure, as I was too distressed to speak to them, my mother decided to gently broach the subject of our cat and ask whether they had seen him.

In brief conversation, they admitted to seeing what they thought was a fox, on the right hand side of the lane, having gone to out for dinner that evening at 5.45 pm. But they knew it couldn't be my cat as they later checked and saw a ginger cat in our courtyard.

I realise I cannot nor do I want to accuse my guest's, but owing to the time my cat left our house and took his usual route - out to the barn for a nibble of dinner before walking down our driveway onto the lane - it seems highly likely it was them who hit and killed him.

It would me nice if they owned up to it and were honest and at the very least apologised! Surely, if these people had any care or compassion, if not for any animals, me as a human being, they would?

Also, as I've now had a few days, am a lot less distressed and going through the grieving process, it is important for me to know what really happened to my cat and how he was needlessly killed on our quiet country lane.

Is it okay to ask my guest's (outright)? What should or could I say? If they never admit to it, what kind of review should I leave them? Even if they never do or don't respond, it's incredibly likely it was them and what sort of people does this make them? How on earth do I handle such a situation... as soiled bedsheets is one thing, but animals being killed is another entirely!!! 

[Laura2592]

@Sarah327 im.so sorry to hear about the loss of your beloved pet. What am awful thing. We live on a somewhat busy road and I live in fear that our cats will wander outside and meet the same fate. 

As for your guest I don't think there's much you can do. You have no proof that it was the guest who hit your cat. The guest may not even realize if they did this. Growing up in rural Pennsylvania we would often have cats that slept under cars and were accidentally killed without the driver even knowing.  So I'd have to give these folks the benefit of the doubt. The most I would do (and I'm not even sure I would go this far unless I truly thought the guests were responsible for my pets death) would be to write a review as follows:

"Guests were friendly and tidy. We are very concerned that one of our cats was killed by a car accidentally during this stay and it is highly probable that the guest was responsible.  We would warn hosts with pets on site to be particularly mindful of pets during this guests stay. We would not have this guest back  but believe they would be a fine fit for hosts without pets."

Again I would ONLY say the above if you are truly sure ot was the guest who had the accident.  As a host who had pets I would want to know.  I'm not sure if AIRBNB would even allow such a review so your hands may be tied. 

 Again I'm sorry this happened.  What a terrible thing. 

[Anonymous]

@Laura2592   I'm about 99.9% sure Airbnb would delete such a review.

[Laura2592]

@Anonymous yeah I would bet they would too. But that's the only recourse I can see that may even be possible.  It's not a great option admittedly. 

[Sarah327]

Thank you for your response, Laura, and kind words. I am absolutely devastated by the loss of my cat, Charlie. Especially as another one of my cats vanished in April and I haven't seen her since.

Both were my domesticated cats, slept on my bed, had big personalities and a huge presence in the house. It is empty and lifeless without them and making it much more difficult to bear their loss.

I am certain if the guest's hit my cat, they knew they had killed him. I accept it was likely an accident although feel they should/could have been driving more carefully on our lane. 

What I don't understand, shock aside, why would they not own up to it and at least apologise?! This is what I am probably most angry about. It is a cold and heartless person, one who needs to put their big boy/girl pants on and take some responsibility for their actions, who cannot say "I'm sorry"

In terms of a review, I do feel Airbnb will instantly remove the one you suggest as it is an accusation without evidence.

My gut reaction is to say either:

"I did not find XX and XX to be wholly honest during their brief stay and I would not recommend them as guests."

OR

I did not find XX and XX to be wholly honest during their brief stay, in which one of my cats was hit and killed on our quiet country lane. I would not recommend them as guests.

For me, their actions and lack of honesty (if they did kill my cat) are what is most important to other hosts. But without relating it to any particular action/behaviour does not make sense - at least to anyone else.

[Laura2592]

@Sarah327 it's a mystery why some guests are dishonest. But they are definitely out there. We have caught guests doing all kinds of crazy things that they denied.  There does seem to be a feeling they if they pay for accommodation they are perfectly entitled to do whatever they wish. I would suspect these guests just were very unsure how to approach this situation so denial was easier.  And not all people are animal lovers

I know it's very difficult to understand.  I think your review about honesty is a good one and would likely not be removed. Low scores on communication and house rules and "would not host again " seem in order. Maybe rethink allowing pets to wander when guests are around? Sending you peace and sympathy.  

[Helen3]

I'm so sorry for the loss of your cat but why are you assuming the guests ran over your cat and then knowing they did so; cold-heartedly left it on the road, knowing it was yours?.

You don't know that they aren't telling the truth. I think your grief is clouding your judgement. 

It would be highly unfair to mention this to them or in a review when you have no grounds for making this assumption.

When driving you can often spot animals at the side of a rode and but not know whether they are a fox, cat or otherwise. And sadly people sometimes don't know if they have hit an animal.

The very sad reality is that if you keep an outdoor cat, there is always a risk they can get runover. when they are out. Most times the driver isn't ever aware that this has happened.

[Anonymous]

@Sarah327   I am  terribly sorry for the loss of your cat. This is a shocking and devastating loss for your family, and anger is a completely normal part of the grieving process. But as hard as it is to separate these emotions from your professional obligations, it's really important that you try your best to do so here.

The guests may or may not have been responsible for the accident, and you may never know for sure. It's also possible that the guests caused the accident without realizing it (I don't want to be graphic here, but I think you understand). What we can be sure of is that whatever happened was indeed an accident - not something caused by malicious intent or reckless driving. There is no comfort or closure to be gained by contacting the guests about this, nor by assuming the worst about their character. I really believe it's best that you leave them out of your grieving process - they are still fundamentally paying customers who did not choose to take on that burden. 

And I don't want this to sound callous, but we do have to accept that tragic incidents like this are the risk we take when we grant our beloved pets the freedom to roam outdoors. 

This is the rare occasion where I would strongly discourage you as the host from reviewing these guests. Under the circumstances, I don't think 14 days is enough time to reach the point where you can review them fairly and objectively, and it's unlikely that your experience is typical of what future hosts can expect from these guests. 

[Sarah327]

Thank you for your reply, Andrew, and kind words also.

It is an absolutely shocking accident but feels almost malicious (and this isn't the right word but, hopefully, conveys my feelings) because if they did kill my cat they knew and they have not owned up to it or apologised. 

While, fortunately in one way, I did not witness them hit my cat, their driving cannot have been appropriate for our narrow country lane and at the time of night they left the cottage (when it was dark). Perhaps they were distracted or rushing to get to the pub for dinner as they had a reservation. I will never know...

Paying customers or not, these people are human beings and should take responsibility for their actions. How many guests have you hosted that have not told you they've broken or damaged something? For me, the number is only increasing and I cannot fathom why?! But these are material items, in most instances, easily replaced.

My gentle, loving cat, Charlie, cannot and will never be replaced. The emotional distress these guests have caused (again, if they did hit my cat and I truly believe it is highly likely) is immeasurable.

A simply apology would go a long way toward helping me to process his senseless death. 

I also feel, as stated above, their actions are a reflection of their character - and show a total lack of care, compassion, honesty and integrity. As a fellow host, would you not want to know this about them?

[Colleen253]

@Sarah327 Everything else aside, Airbnb will allow removal of any review that violates the review policy. Have a read and decide for yourself. 

https://www.airbnb.ca/help/article/2673/airbnbs-review-policy

I’m very sorry for your loss. 

[Anonymous]

@Sarah327  There's no unequivocal evidence that the guests were aware of causing the accident, even if indeed they did. So while you can't force yourself to stop feeling grief and distress, there are two paths you could take here:

1)  give them the benefit of the doubt, and grant them the grace of your forgiveness, or

2) assume the worst about their character, and add more (possibly unwarranted) bad feelings about other people on top of your suffering

The latter, I assure you, will not make you feel better. Nor will the pain you inflict on them by portraying them as dishonest people in your review (even though you can't possibly be certain that this is true). The one and only thing you would accomplish is to increase the number of people who suffer as a result of this unfortunate accident.

Once again, I truly believe it would be a terrible idea for you to review these guests. 

[Sarah977]

@Sarah327  I had to have my dog euthanized a few days ago. She was my constant companion for 13 years, so I can relate very viscerally to what you are going through. I keep finding clumps of her fur around and crying.

One of the stages of grief is blame, either towards others or self (I'm feeling I should have fed her better food, for instance). 

Try to let it go. You can't blame or accuse someone without proof, and even if they did hit the cat, it certainly wasn't on purpose, and it doesn't bring your cat back for them to apologize, although I can understand your feelings that it would have brought some kind of closure. 

If it was them, they probably feel quite bad about it, even if they couldn't bring themselves to fess up. Even saying something in the review about honesty isn't appropriate- accidentally killing someone's pet is a pretty special circumstance, not like telling you they broke a chair leg, and they may not generally be dishonest people, so it really isn't relevant to other hosts. 

[Sarah327]

Thank you, Sarah, and I'm terribly sorry to hear about your dog. I have yet to say goodbye to my elderly dog and I am dreading that day... but I am sure your dog knew how loved they were.

If these guests did kill my cat... and it seems highly likely... they should feel awful and I hope karma catches up to them.

My cat aside, I still cannot escape the fact that they have presented themselves as cold, callous and dishonest people... 

[Mark116]

@Sarah327  I'm so sorry that happened, take comfort that Charlie did not suffer.

I would guess you are probably correct about the guests, but it isn't worth your time or effort to wish for an apology that won't be coming.  I would just hope that they get the karma that they deserve in the future.

You might want to start telling guests that your cats are allowed outside and to please be careful when driving, or alternatively you could keep the cats inside more often or provide more supervised outside time.

I don't think that mentioning anything about the cat in the review will be helpful to you, I would suggest you say something along the lines of 'XX were/did YY, but overall we found them to be somewhat careless and we would not host them again.  That is a 'safe' review that won't get pulled, it doesn't make an accusation that can't be proven but gets across your point.

Again, you have my sympathy for Charlie's untimely passing.

[Sarah327]

Thank you, Mark. Your kind words and comment is very much appreciated.

I should add, the guests did not respond to my check out message the night before (in which I always say I hope they've had a lovely stay) and they left earlier than usual as if to avoid me on departure. While I can't prove this, it is the feeling I get and I'm pretty intuitive/guests often act in a similar way... which I always find strange yet true!

The female guest avoided eye contact with my mother when she broached the subject of my cat's death with them. Looking everywhere but at her and seeming disengaged. The male guest did the talking whilst looking at his partner. It was as if their 'story' had been rehearsed and they knew or weren't prepared to say too much... and ultimately admit liability. For what reason, I will never understand (but that's my issue).

At no point did either of them say I'm sorry to hear about your cat... how terrible or remotely similar. 

I am hesitant to say they were careless but your suggested review is good, factual and, I agree, unlikely to be removed. 

Perhaps I simply say "I did not feel uncomfortable during XX and XX's three-night stay and I would not host them again"... which is entirely true.