Guests making me feel unwelcome in my own home, am I too sensitive?

[Anne1325]

Hi,

I'm only new to Airbnb as a host. We've priced the room with mezzanine in our house low as to get some hosting feedback so are getting a lot of backpackers through. Great, I love meeting different cultures and sharing a glass of wine with them!

Our first guests were a lovely Dutch couple who did their own thing and retreated to their mezzanine living area most nights. Still they were happy to have a chat/bite/drink with us and were pleasant when running into them in the living or kitchen. They left great feedback and said they would have loved to stay longer as we were such kind hosts.

I now have a couple over that makes me feel unwelcome in my own home. I'm stuck in my bedroom most of the time as my sheer presence seems to irritate them. Walking into the kitchen to make a cup of tea results in a grumpy hello but only if prompted, then a quick glance at each other and continuing in their native tongue as if I'm not there.

They will not speak to me unless prompted and if I attempt to sit on the living room they pack up their stuff in a hurry without saying goodbye. We tried everything from cooking dinner for them one night to offering beers but they'll take the beer and just lock themselves in their room with it. It seems they don't enjoy my presence, which is fine as we don't need to be friends, but I just feel like I'm in their way in my own house. As a result they occupy the living room and we are in bed straight after dinner as to not disturb them.

Is this normal or am I too sensitive? I would hate to be locked in my bedroom all the time with future guests in which case Airbnb might not be for me.

[Sarah977]

@Anne1325  No, I don't think you're being too sensitive at all. The guests are being insensitive. People who resent sharing a home with the hosts, can't be civil and friendly, and refuse to interact shouldn't be booking a shared-home listing. 

I suspect this is a case of the guests thinking they were booking an entire home listing because they didn't read or understand the listing info, or they would have preferred an entire home listing, but went for yours because of the price point. Their problem.

I wouldn't feel that I had to lock myself in my bedroom- reclaim your space, if the guest acts put-out by you relaxing in your own living room or cooking in your own kitchen, that's just too bad for them. I know it's hard, but try to let it roll off you. They'll likely leave a bad review no matter what you do, so carry on with your life as normal.

I hope for your sake they're not staying too long. 

I set a 2 week maximum on my listing, with the idea that if a guest made me uncomfortable in my own home (barring being aggressive or violent, in which case I'd call the police), I'd not have to stick it out for longer than that. But luckily all of my guests have turned out to be lovely, friendly people.

[Anne1325]

Thanks Sarah. It's good to hear that it doesn't have to be this way.

Being new so trying my best to get a decent feedback and stay out of their way if they prefer that. My husband devised the 'reclaim living room plan' but I've not taken to it as I prefer not to feel uncomfortable.

I had an inkling as well that they might not have understood the listing but I even messaged them to say that we'd have time off over Christmas/New Years so would be around during their booking.

Definitely setting a 2 week maximum on my bookings!

Thanks for taking the time to reply and some solid advice;)

[Sarah977]

@Anne1325 I hope you make mention of these guests' behavior in your review of them so that other hosts with shared home listings may be saved what you're going through. You can mention anything positive about them, like if they were clean and quiet, but also something like "These guests were quite unfriendly and seemed to resent the fact that we also live in the home and that living room and kitchen are shared spaces. Better suited to entire house listings or a hotel." Also low stars for communication.

[Anne1325]

I'll make sure I mention that, thanks Sarah.

Just dreading that they might leave bad feedback for us but you are right, they probably will regardless so might as well get on with it and hope the next guests are better.

Thanks again.

[Gordon0]

Hopefully these two won’t be around long, @Anne1325, and you’ll get more, nicer guests before you know it

[Anne1325]

Thanks Gordon. Fingers crossed!

[Kath9]

@Anne1325, your space looks lovely! I LOVE your furniture! Anyway, as @Sarah977 has said, you are NOT being insensitive and this behaviour is NOT normal. In fact, they sound like they are incredibly rude if they are accepting beers from you then taking them to their room! It's unfortunate you are having this experience with only your second guests. I'm in a similar situation as you (shared home, shared kitchen, etc.) and I've had over 350 guests in my home now. Different guests expect different levels of interaction - some I will barely see at all, others I connect with and we will end up sharing meals or wine or even going out together. However, it is very unusual to have guests who actually resent me being there (this has only happened twice and in both instances the guests hadn't read the listing properly and thought they were booking a whole house to themselves for $50/night).

Rest assured that guests are not normally like this, but in this instance, stand your ground and reclaim your space - you SHOULD NOT feel like you can't relax in your own home or have to lock yourself in your bedroom. Remember, this is YOUR home and these people are guests in your home. And please review them honestly - it is important for other hosts to know who they are getting as we only have each for support. Just a suggestion: unless you can see they have left a review for you, wait until the last minute (day 13) to leave a review to try to avoid them leaving a retaliatory review. They may not leave a review for you at all (many people don't). If they leave you a negative review, you can leave a public response to their review.

Just a couple of other things I've learnt along the way:

Firstly, I no longer offer access to the stove and oven due to excessive use in the past, mostly by people from a certain nearby region. I literally couldn't get into my own kitchen to cook in the evening as they would spend hours in there and I ended up feeling resentful. Since I have restricted kitchen use to kettle, toaster and microwave, it has been much better - I tend now to get people who go out for dinner.

Secondly, I no longer allow access to the lounge (unless a guest is specifically invited) as it was literally the only room in the house that was still 'mine' (apart from my bedroom). They have access to every other room in the house, so I just want one area I can retreat to. Of course, some guests still seem to 'take over' and then I usually retreat to my bedroom but since I have created those boundaries, it is working much better for me. In your case, it sounds like your guests have their own living space anyway, so they shouldn't need to access your lounge. I would reclaim your lounge so you at least have that area to yourself.

Also, just to let you know, when replying to people in these threads, if you tag them with an @ symbol, they will be notified about your reply.

Happy hosting!

[Anne1325]

@Kath9 Thanks for the tip on the @ sign, rookie right here that doesn't even know how to operate the message board;)

Looks like you are in a pretty gorgeous spot yourself!

Also massive thanks for the tips, I don't know these things and am just flailing around in the dark. Very helpful to know about how the feedback works.

They do indeed have their own living space and kettle/tea/coffee etc up in the mezzanine. We cunningly thought it would give us more breathing space in our own living room but it seems it hasn't worked out that way. Two living rooms for them and none for us, I'm almost laughing as I type this at how ridiculous it sounds/has worked out.

Being new I'm just finding my feet but your tips on setting bounderies are very helpful. I'll start implementing going forward.

Thanks for taking the time to respond! Happy Thursday!

[Sarah977]

@Anne1325   NONE of us knew how to use the tagging function when we first joined the forum, so don't go thinking you're special 🙂

Hey, maybe you and your hubby should just go up to the mezzanine with your coffee and laptops tomorrow, in your pajamas, don't bother to say hello to the guests, plop yourselves down, sprawl out and make yourselves comfortable. Stay there all day and give the guests dirty looks when they walk by 🙂

I love your place, too. And your profile photo is hilarious- well done! You guys look like a lot of fun.

[Anne1325]

@Sarah977 Now there is an idea hahahah! Simple, effective, brilliant. I dig it sister.

Thanks so much guys. Had no idea that there would be such a community behind this. You've made my day with your support and tips.

[Anne1325]

@Sarah977 Obviously I had to go and have a little snoop at your listing too.

Holy F that looks lush! Count me as a guest next time I make it to Mexico!

xx

[Sarah977]

@Anne1325  Would love to have you. My guest room is only for one (single bed), but I'd move in there myself and give you my room with the queen size bed if you came as couple. I do that all the time when I have friends or family couples come to visit.

[Anne1325]

@Sarah977 It'll be on my list of first places to visit. Loved Mexico last time I visited and you have a pretty sweet set-up there. Still curse myself that I married an Australian and not someone more exotic. Could have lived the dream!

[Kath9]

@Sarah977, hahahah, you always make me laugh. Hilarious!