Guests making me feel unwelcome in my own home, am I too sensitive?

[Anne1325]

Hi,

I'm only new to Airbnb as a host. We've priced the room with mezzanine in our house low as to get some hosting feedback so are getting a lot of backpackers through. Great, I love meeting different cultures and sharing a glass of wine with them!

Our first guests were a lovely Dutch couple who did their own thing and retreated to their mezzanine living area most nights. Still they were happy to have a chat/bite/drink with us and were pleasant when running into them in the living or kitchen. They left great feedback and said they would have loved to stay longer as we were such kind hosts.

I now have a couple over that makes me feel unwelcome in my own home. I'm stuck in my bedroom most of the time as my sheer presence seems to irritate them. Walking into the kitchen to make a cup of tea results in a grumpy hello but only if prompted, then a quick glance at each other and continuing in their native tongue as if I'm not there.

They will not speak to me unless prompted and if I attempt to sit on the living room they pack up their stuff in a hurry without saying goodbye. We tried everything from cooking dinner for them one night to offering beers but they'll take the beer and just lock themselves in their room with it. It seems they don't enjoy my presence, which is fine as we don't need to be friends, but I just feel like I'm in their way in my own house. As a result they occupy the living room and we are in bed straight after dinner as to not disturb them.

Is this normal or am I too sensitive? I would hate to be locked in my bedroom all the time with future guests in which case Airbnb might not be for me.

[Anne1325]

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@Kath9 wrote:

@Sarah977, hahahah, you always make me laugh. Hilarious!

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[Cathie19]

Hi @Anne1325.

I can only reiterate @Sarah977, @Kath9 and @Gordon0‘s sentiment and advice. These guys know their stuff, and are very experienced, so listen.... 

Think about  what you want from the Airbnb space. Do you want lots of cooking, therefore offering separate shelves and fridge space? What common cooking items they can use and what’s out of bounds? Can they come home very late and start noisily cooking pungent foods and continue to party? Just because it hasn’t happened, doesn’t mean it won’t.... you are encouraging partying and drinking; does that include drunkenness.? That’s very different from enjoying together time and fun social drinking..

- Never assume a guests understands your interpretation of your words, for communication and common sense are culturally based on experiences and is not always, very common..... 😆 LOL

- Remember, you are the boss of your homestay space. Be the host, but this is also a business transaction.  👉🏼 Stay friendly, stay fair, but quietly stay firm. Have some boundaries, if only as fallback positions.

- Make sure you have rules that match what you want to happen, and room to negotiate or cancel a guest. No rules means no legs to stand on....

- No one, can make you feel inferior, unless you let them. Kick their butts metaphorically and go sit on your couch and watch some crime on Netflix! 😁😁😁 Tough sh## if these guests don’t like it. It’s in your listing!  😁

- Ensure all the creature comforts they are seeking are in the mezzanine area, and when possible, politely steer them there. Otherwise make rules like @Kath9.

- Live your life as a host, choosing the boundaries and limitations. But never stop living life in your own home! NEVER!

Safety and maintenance:

As your experiences grow, you’ll know what works best for you. Keep an eye on those nice floorboards, stilletos allowed? Slip ons or socks after entering? Also ensure that gorgeous rug in the mezzanine area is not a trip hazard. If it is, tape it down ALL around.

Just another thought, do you have any sensor lights to assist night climbing to the mezzanine? Battery operated is all you need. Also consider placing a fire extinguisher/ blanket upstairs where the kettle is. if they are cooking in your kitchen, have at least a fire blanket stashed somewhere.

Laundry use: Are they allowed to use the laundry? If so, hot or cold water? Any guidelines/ restrictions?

Numbers:

In your lovely listing, you are stating two guests, two bedrooms, two beds.

Consideration: Are you wanting to have to negotiate extra people? I’m aware the current option (states not suitable for children and infants) and offers for separate travellers to split the bed/ sofa bed, but be mindful that you don’t specifically state a maximum of two. Nor any maximum for your space, something worth considering as it is a shared homestay. Nor do you state strictly adults, especially with your location. I only mention this as you are starting out, and can get caught.....

NB. If you are happy to negotiate extras, you may need to have a fee for the third or fourth  person. Otherwise state two guests only, due to the two beds....

(Because - scenario Eg: Although not suitable for infants, parents book for three people to stay, listing a child as an adult;  or they want four people, two adult daughters can sleep together.) summary:  A  strain on your amenities and resources; & even if they were happy to bunk, you would probably get marked down due to the tight fit of bodies everywhere.

Some suggestions for your listing: 

Consider some word changes to  change perceptions of future guests. We can see you’re friendly, you don’t have to lose your personal rights to get the message across. 😀

 - Don’t list the bottle shop first! List groceries, and let the bottle shop be a surprise! I wouldn’t mention it, seriously.

-   You have listed no parties or events in your house rules,

BUT listing the bottle shop first, then documenting in your listing that guests can party on after you go to bed is contradictory - yikes!  

Be very careful with what you offer or negotiate with an individual, outside your house rules. On the ground negotiation is your business, but you have no room to negotiate to get someone out of your home with your current written descriptors with contradictions.

You are trying to reclaim your living area, so maybe consider listing a quiet time eg between 10pm - 7am. People can still have a social drink, just not be turning your kitchen and living space into the 24 hour SevenEleven or food truck!

Just some observational thoughts, so completely ignore them as you choose.

🙂

Cathie

[Anne1325]

@Cathie19 Some marvellous suggestions here. 

Like you said, I'm new so indeed have no idea how to best list the place without coming across Miss Trunchbull - Matilda reference, my favorite childhood film;)

We like a glass of wine ourselves but perhaps listing the bottle shop is indeed inviting the wrong sort of people around, and yes, you did make me rethink saying that's I'm happy for them to party but keep the noise down after we've gone to bed. What one considers noise might not be so to the other. I was trying to be accomodating but I guess with some if you give an inch they take a mile.

Good suggestions on the night light/fire extinguisher too. Never even thought of those.

And 100% the place is only set up for 2 guests, I thought it worked by stating two guests only but I'll be certain to go back into the listing and clearly outline it.

Thank you so much for all the helpful tips *heads off to make some adjustments to the listing*

[Cathie19]

@Anne1325. You’re most welcome!

[Niel3]

Just thinking about it from the other side for a moment, could it maybe be shyness on their part that you are mis-interpreting as rudeness?

You mention they speak in their own language a lot, could it be that their English is not that good. Perhaps basic comms but not up to conversational level and they are a little embarrased about having to try and hold a conversation with you?

Also if they are not used to renting shared spaces they may feel they are intruding on your home life so when you pop into the kitchen and/or sit in the lounge they scarper back to their room 'out of your space'?

[Anne1325]

@Niel3 I did take that into consideration but their English is good enough to have held down visa jobs in Australia. Shyness sure, but it feels odd to me that they would still happily sit up until 2 in the morning in the living room playing loud Youtube. If I was shy I'd do the opposite.

I did not say they were rude however, just that it feels obvious that my presence is not wanted and that it has made me feel uncomfortable in my own home. Ultimately I'm not sure what to expect with guests and how to interact when something like this happens. I should stand my ground which I have not done and that is my fault, put that down to inexperience.

I'm not saying your scenario is not true and of course there would be cultural differences but there is also the universal language of giving someone a smile. You don't have to have elaborate conversations to pleasantly co-habit but I guess this is where I'm still learning as a host, not knowing what to expect and what bounderies to put in place to ensure I'm comfortable in my home too.

[Rubén16]

I looked at your photographs on your listing and they look real nice and welcoming. However what I would do being that the vast majority of guests do not read the complete listing and its details, would be to take some additional photos with you as hosts with others in the photographs. For example a picture with both of you sitting down with other guests in the living room or a photo of both of you in the kitchen area interacting with the guests. (These photos can be taken with family members or friends of yours) the purpose is to show that the home/listing is going to be shared. 

Many people do not take time to read however from airbnb research it is the first and last thing they click on a listing.

[Anne1325]

@Rubén16 Good suggestion. I think my mistake has been not to reiterate enough that spaces are shared. I've now put in my house rules as well that my husband and I watch trash television on the sofa some nights with a gentle nod that they have their own living space in the mezzanine. Obviously pictures would better communicate this.

I'll have to enlist some of my photogenic friends. *Looks in phone directory and comes up empty*

[Sarah977]

@Rubén16  That's a good suggestion. Quite a few shared listings have a photo of people sitting around having coffee and conversation. But what if that attracts guests who are needy for company and expect the hosts to be hanging out with them all the time? I've read stories on this forum about guests like that. But I think guests like Anne has, or the opposite are the abberration, not the norm. If we were to have to come up with photos designed to ward off every possible type of undesirable guest, well,  I wouldn't know where to start or where to end or how to anticipate the strange ways some people can behave.

[Rubén16]

@Sarah977@Anne1325You are correct Sarah, in mine I have this. ( I know a shared space is totally different situation)

Communication:
You will have a private cottage, I will be at the house if you have any questions, need directions or suggestions of places to visit during your stay.

[Anne1325]

@Sarah977 I have a great picture of myself at a dress-up party as a Soviet soldier as in Elton John's Nikita music video - don't ask the details I didn't set the theme! 

I reckon this should do the job though hahah!

[Sarah977]

@Anne1325  Yes! You could also have a photo of you and your friends in crazy costumes, sitting around laughing. That should scare off the unsociable humourless sour-pusses.

[Andrea9]

@Anne1325

People really don't read. What has helped me again and again to avert misunderstandings (room only, not whole place/bed size/many stairs...) is my first message to their inquiry or request and thanking them for their interest/booking my guest room in the home I live in.

Then I make sure that points 1, 2, 3 (which are the points of contention most have overseen in my early hosting days) hadn't slipped their attention, and asking if they are indeed according to their expectation. 

Every now and then somebody actually says "thanks! I totally missed that!'.

Plus very important - repeat stuff and on giving them the introductory tour! People don't remember details!

Once I started putting myself in the role of smiley, friendly mama Bear, even for things that seem soooo obvious, I haven't been getting such silly misunderstandings.

With some guests though, you need to stand your ground. They have an absolute sniffer for those who retreat and avoid confronting others with their territory borders. And that's when they go over them and stake out THEIR territory.

I've tried to internalize on a host level something I heard from a teacher I once knew:

Telling somebody to go to hell in such a way they think you're offering them a glimpse of heaven  ;D

[Anne1325]

Dankjewel @Andrea9. Ik neem aan dat je ook Nederlands spreekt zo niet dan is dit nogal hopeloos;) 

I'll defintely start outlining details when I show guests around. Being new, as said, just trying to be as accommodating as I can but it sure has backfired already. I'm not a stand-your-ground type of gal unless it involves my husband - he deserves all he gets;)

This might prove to be one of those life lessons one learns as an unintended side effect. In other words, I better stand my bleeping grounds or someone else will.

Either way, I've got some new bookings lined up with guests that have actually seemed to have read my house rules. Now there's a start!

[Andrea9]

@Anne1325

haha, ben je Nederlandse! leuk! Ben ik zelf niet, maar woon hier al bijna 25 jaar, Nederlands spreken is dus heel normaal 😄