How do you unwind when guests really start to get to you?

[Laura2592]

My day job is all about managing complaints and expectations, saying no and seeing adult meltdowns. So I do that full time.

I run an online business as a hobby and to generate income. Its usually a source of pleasure. Recently everyone seems to have lost their minds  with returns for very spurious reasons and ALL CAPS YELLING demands instead of just asking a regular question.

And then we have the Airbnb, which as many of you have read from my posts can entertain some really interesting characters.

I consider myself a pro at emotional labor, keeping my cool, and sticking to my boundaries professionally. I can usually handle just about anything that gets thrown at me without showing my irritation. But its been a challenge of late. My theory is that as fear about the pandemic subsides with vaccinations, the bratty, entitled, impatient and angry demands come out. There are a lot of people out there mad at the world for the events of the past year, and they want someone to give them that time back. Which is impossible. They may be hamstrung financially or not yet able to move about in the world the way they want to, and the insistence that strangers "make it right" are really starting to go beyond unreasonable.

So my fellow hosts, what do you do when you start to feel like you are having a hard time not telling people where they can "stick it"? What are some of your tips and tricks? Best practices?

[Tommy150]

I think one of the biggest problems is over the years that corporations and stores and businesses have allowed this behavior and said the customer was always right and it's just become this new normal where everyone just feels so entitled even when they're wrong.

I did years in customer service and hospitality, it's in my blood, which is why I think I succeed so well at Airbnb. However, I don't think I could work at customer service type job or service industry these days lately I think I would lose it.

If people start to argue or get nasty, I usually just shut it down with a firm but curt answer and then cease contact wherever possible.

Obviously that doesn't work in person, in those cases I simply say something like, "I'm sorry, but until you can speak to me like a rational and respectful human being, this conversation is done." You really have to treat them like kids. 

[Ingrid345]

I’m almost 4 years in as a Super Host.  I have a service company as well in its 35th year trying not to close the doors because of the pandemic has shut down my companies demographic.  

For me the customer is the customer.  I know I provide a fantastic experience and I give more than I list. This helps me because when guests start off being overwhelmed instead of underwhelmed with their stay, it stops most of the guests who just are looking for something to complain about.  I have found a with energy instead of an against energy works wonderful when dealing with grumpy guests.  I view them as my lovely paycheck that gets automatically deposited for me by Airbnb.  I love this job.  I love washing the linens and duvets and trying to match the listing set up to the guest, when possible.  

I know my rights regarding misbehavior of guests.  And I also don’t need to like them.  It helps.  But some of them are just  bank, and a positive review.  I tell each guest I will be leaving positive feedback and addressing all matters open and honest during the stay and to please do the same.  

when I feel frustrated I immediately think of all the positive things.  Of a guest is just terrible to me I let them know and say:  ‘it feels hard and what can be done?’  Or ‘I don’t understand, please help me understand.’  I understand.  They are being terrible.  But being able to do my part and put their part squarely where it is (on them) kindly, it somehow disarms the moment.  

I message mostly.  Talking seems to escalate matters for me.  And I can’t hide my annoying tone.  Lol.  And also messaging is beneficial in case there is an escalation Airbnb can help better.  EVERY SINGLE PROBLEMATIC GUEST HAS BEEN A FIRST TIMER.  

I look for Airbnb to create tools for noobies.  

hang in there valuable hosts.  This can be fun. You have the upper hand!  🙂

[Pat271]

The nice thing about texting is that you don’t have to respond right away.  Take a few moments, or an hour or two if you need to depending on the circumstances, clear your head, and meditate on how to respond calmly and constructively. For me, doing so always seems to result in more mature, hospitable responses. My delete key is my most oft-used key. 🙂

Also, for your own sanity, remember that the world is made up of all kinds of people, with all kinds of different tastes, quirks, moods, and ideas about what is and what isn’t important. Don’t take things too personally, and realize that there is always room for us all to improve.  As hosts, hurt feelings can be transformed into real growth and new hosting ideas.

Having said this, however, don’t be tolerant of entitlement and demanding attitudes. You don’t want these people in your space, because chances are both of you will end up miserable, which will hurt your business, as well as your guests’ stay. Don’t hesitate to ask guests to continue their accommodation search when you sense this attitude.

Your goal is appreciation and respect on both ends. Putting out that vibe from the very beginning will often result in that vibe being returned in kind. Not always, but often enough.

Most of all, remember that the vast majority of hosts get the occasional whiner, grouch, incredibly messy person, those who won’t communicate, and those who won’t tell you the truth. However, the memory of those guests fade with every day that passes, and thankfully, there are excited, respectful, and appreciative guests to take their place. When I get those guests, I think to myself,

“Ahh, THIS is why I love being a host”.

[Pat271]

By the way, it sounds like you probably have enough experience and expertise to know all of this already, so please excuse me if it sounds like I’m preaching. Consider the above reinforcements rather than teaching points. 🙂

[Emiel1]

I have a simple strategy in 2 steps:

1. I tell the guest "as it seems you are very unhappy with the accommodation, i suggest we shorten the reservation so you can find yourself a better place to stay"

2. I take my bike and have a nice trip in surrounding area, enjoying nature and unwind from anything which is annoying me.

[Colleen253]

@Emiel1 For you, it's your bike ride, for me it's a glass of wine and my hot tub at the end of 'that' kind of day. 😎

[Angelica-Y-Jorge0]

I have worked for large corporate companies managing customer service and 3 things have really helped me put an upset client or guest into perspective:

The first is the fundamental attribution error (google for full explanation) but basically reflecting why a person is doing what they are doing, removing biases and placing yourself in their shoes with an open mind. 

The second is using fundamental attribution error to ask non-leading or non-judgemental open-ended questions to get the guest talking and resolve their issue.

Lastly, I have a quote pinned to the top of my computer "Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible"  -Dalai Lama. This keeps me grounded and reminds me to simply be kind.

This is the simple strategy I use and have taught with much success in the past. I hope it helps a little. It works for me every time.

[Ann783]

Personally, I crank up the self care regimen. Time for a pedicure or a massage or both.  For me, it helps to think of this pandemic era as an intense form of grieving. Some have lost a family member, a job, income, freedom or a sense of predictability. I say be kind to yourself - impossible to give from an empty well. 

[Debra300]

@Laura2592,

I come here to the community, and read your posts, because your stories usually amuse or intrigue.  When I am done, I am often thankful that the event or incident didn't happen to me, or it and the responses provide insight into how to prevent or handle the situation.

[Stephanie365]

Easy. I block my calendar and take a break from people. There are times when I just don't want to deal and need the mental break. I refuse to be a slave to ABB.

[Kitty-and-Creek0]

@Stephanie365 

I schedule breaks regularly, as you do. I love hosting, my guests are terrific,  and doing this is so good for me, but so is getting out in my big back yard, or enjoying the peaceful solitude of my home without any responsibility to guests in that wing of the house. A good balance in our lives is healthy! 

[Susan990]

The cause of the behavioral change is not the Pandemic. It is because Airbnb revised its review questions which invite derogatory and slanderous aspersions to be cast and published about your property. The entire Review is not normal for STR. It allows for the guest to weld power over your business and your income.  It is therefor a magnet for a certain type of person- hence the decline in the caliber of guest and their behavior.

   The solution is to adopt the VRBO model which is internationally understood and very successful at informing the guest user about their lodging selection.

[Sarah977]

@Susan990  Hosts here aren't talking about their reviews. They are talking about having to field tons of inquiries and requests from demanding and entitled people, and deal with guests who expect all sorts of things during their stay that were never offered in the first place.

And yes, hosts are reporting getting far more of these types of guest communications since the pandemic, mostly from newbie guests who have never even used Airbnb before, let alone been presented with a review form.

You can make your point about the review system without negating other hosts' experience that the attitude and demographic of guests has changed since the pandemic.

[Ingrid345]

I agree heavily with this post.  Thank you Susan.  This issue causes 99% of my stresses and issues with hosting.  The power of the Review is not balanced and equational truly to the experiences offered.

I have sent feedback many times to AIRBNB, and also gone to battle to preserve my reviews and ratings.  It is not ok that guests can leave any kind of review for a host that is negative if the House Manual clearly states the rules and standards regarding that matter.  I do not understand how this is allowed to  take place.  Additionally, if I were to be completely honest in my reviews of wayward House Manual stays, that immediately causes a reaction that is usually petty, untrue, and a blatant reaction that is completely allowed and unprofessional. 

I spend a-lot of time with these Guests, not paid for my time, that are ALWAYS first time users to the platform to try and help them understand our platform.  ALL of them have an expectation of a 'hotel experience.'  I end up giving extras and going above and beyond my House Manual, which only sometimes smooths things over. 

In addition to revising the review system to be more professional and realistic (we are not Yelp of Goggle, we are Super Hosts), we also need our lovely AIRBNB to educate the new guests regarding THEIR RESPONSIBILITY as a guest.

I have had fantastic experiences with awesome, responsible, guests that read the House Manual.  I have been sent flowers, left wonderful thank you notes, re-bookings, word of mouth contact for booking, glowing remarks that I should charge more,  gratitude expressed for how safe and comfortable guests feel, shocked guests about how wonderful the the listing and the amenities installed are.  Why and how is it ends of the spectrum of awesome to awful put on the hosts shoulders due to the Review being so powerful with no true boundries?