How to make a guest book somewhere else!

[Robin4]

This is actually a follow up to another post I made just recently about dealing with guests you would really rather not deal with.

I have said here before I don't like hagglers, guests with lots of questions.

On Monday this week I got this pre-approval request from what I would describe as my epitomy of how not to approach me and ask/request a reservation if you are a guest . 

I sat on it for a few hours, logic should tell me to just say it may be better to book somewhere else. But you just never know, they might have IB,ed me anyway.

I even wrote a draft which I posted here of what I would like to have said.

Well I decided to take the bull by the horns and have a bit of fun with this request. You might think I am a calous sh*t  but in reality, you are all behind me! None of you would want to accept a request from  an enquirer like this.

So I took great delight in sending this........and quick as a flash the message came back.....'Not Possible'....brilliant, misssion accomplished! 

There are times when Airbnb can be a lot of fun!

Cheers......Rob

[Lisa723]

Hilarious.

[Alexandra316]

@Robin4 Thanks for the genuine LOL... much needed today! Good for you for meeting ridiculousness with the faciousness it deserves. I particularly loved the image of them chiselling out some fossilized washing-up powder with a screwdriver. I wish I had your way with words... very funny.

[Cathie19]

At @Alexandra316, if during very high humidity, our detergent can get tough if a lid is not kept on it! Fresh as a daisy brick! Just like our corn flakes can be the opposite... not so crunchy......  😂 

[Julie143]

OMG who cares about the brand of microwave?!

[Beth80]

@Robin4 

You always make me smile!  😄

[Cathie19]

@Robin4. Glad to see you’re back in form! As I wait for today’s mob to checkout, you make me smile over my breakfast. In such a good mood now, I might head off to the markets and buy myself some flowers, to add to that sunshine! I bet Ade is still laughing at your response! 🌻👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

[Thomas1033]

@Robin4 I hope to be a host long enough to get asked something so stupid as what brand our appliances are just so I can use your hilariously appropriate reply!!!  Yvonna

[Jessica-and-Henry0]

@Robin4 

I fell asleep laughing because I read your post just before going to bed and I came back to read it again when I'm wide awake and I'm laughing just as hard 🙂 

Henry and I usually go with scare tactics (emphasize our house rules so much that guests are afraid to stay with us) but your way is soooo~ much more fun. I think I will try it your way next time we get an inquiry from a guest we'd rather NOT host. 

[Robin4]

@Jessica-and-Henry0  @Thomas1033 

With my hosting, everything I say is designed with two reasons in mind.

A/.....To solicit a response.

Communication is so much more important to us as hosts than it is to guests.

When you send a guest a message asking them for an arrival time, even if the guest is considerate, which many of them aren't,  he thinks...."Well it depends on a number of things, where we have lunch, what the traffic is like, how quickly I can get that bit of shopping done. I don't want to commit myself at this stage, so I will let the host know as the day goes along  once I have got a few things out of the way".....they don't think it matters! When did they ever give the hotel reception a blow by blow rundown of their movements?

The host patiently waits for that response because they need to know how to plan their day, set some priorities. So there you go, host needs to know now........ guest will get around to it, whenever!

Asking for an arrival time is like playing Russian Roulette....... how many clicks on the trigger before you get a response!

By saying to guests ..."Please send me an sms or your arrival time, I don't want to be out feeding the Crocodiles in the lake when you get here. They can get a bit aggresive to humans around feed time!"

It is nonsense, of course it is, but the guest looks at it and either has a laugh and sees the funny side of it or,  says to himself..."Crocodiles. what bloody Crocodiles, what are we coming to here, a zoo!"

But it grabs their attention and gets an immediate response. Whenever I send that I always have a response within 2 minutes!

With that pre-approval message the other day, I got an immediate response. The guest thought I was a complete nutter and made a decision to look elsewhere  on the spot. Great, we have shortcut human natures tendancy to dither around!

B/......To make the guest feel comfortable.

Guests need to be comfortable with their decision to book. Booking an Airbnb is a leap of faith for both guest and host, neither of us know what the hell we are going to get, and it is really important to get the stay off with both of us feeling as relaxed as possible. And humour is the great leveller, it brings us together and puts us all on an even footing. After a few amusing exchanges you almost begin to feel like friends.

And it's a fact of life....we dont like fighting with people we like!' We look for positives, not negatives.

So, I do say some outrageous things in hosting, but I not trying to be a Donald Trump, a Spike Milligan, a John Cleese or a Noel Coward, I do pick my words carefully and....always for a reason!

@Beth80 @Alexandra316 @Suzanne302 @Emilia42 @Rosemarie69

Cheers......Rob

[Alon1]

@Robin4 

re: 'Communication is so much more important to us as hosts than it is to guests.' + 'Arrival Time' & '[in]considerate guests'.

We seem to have vastly different experiences, possibly in part dictated by location.

London arrivals are almost exclusively from airports or train station, (with a few arriving by car).

My first question after booking: If arriving from airport, please send flight number so I can track on line for any delay.... It works like clockwork!

 Guests are also grateful for detailed directions from port of arrival to my home.

  Likewise for those arriving by train, international or national.

It also helps that I have flexible check-in time as quite a few arrive late night and Guests are often apologetic and considerate to enquire if it's convenient?

Many Guests also have questions regarding proximity of my locale to various places in London and transport links.

It's all summarily reflected in  Reviews which commonly refer to my prompt & detailed communication and advice.

[Branka-and-Silvia0]

"Tell me the maker of  the tv, microwave and A/C " 

What are they? Some kind of brand nazies ???? 😄

@Robin4  your answer is wondeful lol 😄

[Rebecca181]

@Robin4  HA! Upon first reading I thought you wrote "old FART smell" (not "fat") - But either one works!

[Kim87]

Brilliant @Robin4 !

[Donald28]

This is absolutely hilarious! Thanks for taking it all in stride and making us laugh. 

I have a strict "NO PARTIES" rule but I get many request for "get togethers". They're not parties, they're get togethers. Ummm, how stupid do I look 

[Robin4]

@Donald28 

You know Don, the thing that struck me as being the funniest about that request was the second item...."Is the washing machine for the exclusive use of guests or is it shared with the  main house"?

What is the man trying to say here?........It's fine to wash his stuff in the same machine that 1,000 random guests before him have washed their jocks and smalls in......as long as it isn't used by the hosting family (who prepares a clean environment for him), for their stuff! 

Don't you think that's a really odd bit of logic?

@Kim87  @Rebecca181 

Cheers.....Rob