The hardship of honeymooners

[Laura2592]

We just don't seem to have good luck with honeymooning couples. Any tips or experiences along the same lines?

We are currently hosting one with no reviews who wanted to extend the stay at the last minute. Couldn't figure out how to alter the reservation so I did it for him. After a few days of silence suddenly he had a ton of questions which are all answered in the house guide. He asked about a pool-- we sometimes have guests who for whatever deluded reason think we have a pool. We don't. We don't mention the word "pool." None of the nearby listings have a pool so I am not sure who they confuse us with. And they have been in the house a few days now. You would think they would SEE a pool if we had one. I sent him info on local pools and a park nearby with lake swimming. 

We had the infamous honeymooners with the firelog incident. We have had lots of really gross clean up of bio fluids after these guests. Once my cleaners just said "we aren't paid enough for this" and we had to go in behind and replace mattress pads/scrub down walls. I used to get excited when someone said they were booking for a honeymoon. Now I dread it. And I always feel really badly leaving an honest review, especially if its the first on their profile. They are on their honeymoon after all. 

Because we target couples I can't really say "no honeymooners." I'd love any tips or ideas for how better to deal with these guests. 

[Colleen253]

Wait. “scrub down walls” ??

😱

[Laura2592]

@Colleen253 yes. We actually had to repaint a section of the wall. Not a big one, but after scrubbing there was still a spot that was grossly obvious. Some Kilz brand primer and a coat of paint and all was well. 

[Z-2]

@Laura2592 honeymooners and young people for anniversary mostly have fancy thinking. My older house with great view had problems with those people too. So now when they booked our older house, I normally will reply them emphasize it's the older house, not fancy, might have insects (because of soundfront), and states our house is more fit in people like fishing, crabbing, kayaking, gorgeous sound view instead of house itself. It did turn away one reservation so far. But I am happy with it, at least I won't have complains later.

[Branka-and-Silvia0]

that's interesting.... man would think honeymooners will spend their time in bed-beach-sightseeing-restaurant-bed... and not clubbing-drinking-vomiting-in-bed 🙂

[Anonymous]

@Laura2592  A lot of people I've encountered in the catering/events trade have similar stories under the banner of "Why We Don't Do Weddings." They're the occasions that most fit the horror profile:  they put lots of pressure onto one day to be the fanciest thing in their lives, but they're hyper-conscious of costs and too inexperienced with event planning to have any clue how much really goes into it. They create a psychological bubble for themselves where everyone is supposed to be uniquely invested in their Special Day, when in reality it's just another work day for everyone who has to serve them. It's the "Happiest Day of Our Lives" but actually they're anxious wrecks, totally stressed from all the hubbub, and if they manage to get through the whole ritual in a good mood, the so-called Honeymoon is the first chance for the built-up tension to come out. 

Side note:  if you haven't seen it yet, The White Lotus has a great depiction of people with entitled attitudes doing a Honeymoon experience:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TGLq7_MonZ4&ab_channel=HBO

The wall-scrubbing story sounds like that tension once came out a bit too explosively, but it's of a piece with all the outdated traditions people put impossibly weighted expectations onto. You can't categorically say No Honeymoons, but you can privately expect that people who describe their post-wedding Airbnb trip as a "honeymoon" to anyone who wasn't at the wedding are the living definition of Basic. Hide the Duraflame and pull the rubber sheets out of the basement.

[Colleen253]

@Laura2592 maybe you should also add a few cheap, washable wall tapestries from Amazon to the box of rubber sheets in the basement. 🤣 

[Laura2592]

The stove upon check out....many ruined dish towels,  relocated furniture, unnamed sticky stuff on the counters and floors....I really really do not want more honeymoon couples etc etc.  Le sigh 

[Sarah977]

@Laura2592  Looks like their mommies always looked after cleaning the stove. I suspect they are going to have a rude awakening when they are living in their own home and no little elves show up to clean up after them. 

[Laura2592]

@Sarah977 maybe I will put that in the review.

"Once upon a time these guests came to our enchanted, storybook cottage for their honeymoon. They may have taken the "storybook" idea a bit too literally, as the way they left the place suggested that they believed elves would come and clean the caked on eggs and cheese all over the stove, and remove the many packets of cannabis treats, half eaten ice cream pints full of soupy melt, and wrappers from junk food and condoms left in a variety of unexpected places. Sadly no elves exist at Firefly Cottage, only humans who had to clean the stove top 2 additional times after the professional cleaning crew had departed to fully remove all the gunk. We wish to recommend these guests to locations fully staffed with elves ONLY as they are not a fit for what mere humans can offer. "

[Larry430]

I hope you gave them a low rating and explained your reason as clearly as you explained it here.  Future hosts need to know.  I don't think these people will improve in the future.  Some people are just not well suited to live indoors.

[Laura2592]

@Larry430  yes I will -- waiting until the rating period is closer to closing as they have not yet left a review. I plan to say:

"Because we are always honored to be chosen as a honeymoon spot, this is a difficult review to write. Clean up took significantly longer than normal with the kitchen in particular being very hard to get back to a state usable by the next guests. New users to the platform, so there were some house rules that were missed. We understand that honeymooners are concentrating on togetherness and wish them the best on their journey but would ask future hosts to fully clarify their expectations for future stays."

[Jessica-and-Henry0]

@Laura2592 

What I don't get is.......why would people want to cook when they are on their honeymoon?!?!?!? 

Several years ago...... Henry and I were in Thailand on vacation and I asked what he thought about taking a cooking class - Henry's response was "We're supposed be on VACATION. COOKING isn't VACATIONING. Getting a massage is vacationing."  So I booked us a couples massage 🙂 

[Laura2592]

And left two packs of these between the sofa cushions 

[Laura2592]