Review feedback for guests who went into my private space

[Suzanne302]

Ugh. I find it so easy to give advice on reviews when I'm not the host in question! Would love feedback on this one.

I host a room in my home. The guests were friendly and otherwise good guests except that 1) Their dog used a LITTER BOX (I've never heard of this before and although I prohibit pee pads, I never thought I'd have to mention a litter box, lol) and litter was scattered about the room. Nothing terrible though, so whatever.

2) The closet in the room is the largest in my old house so I use it for storage and it's not available to guests. I mention this in my listing, in my house manual, and in a VERY CLEAR SIGN in the room. However, since my room is tiny, I do say they are welcome to stash their suitcases in the closet for extra room, but, again, explicitly say, please do not disturb my belongings. And guess what they did? They pulled out a duvet that was in the closet as well as a fitted sheet and I have no clue how they used the fitted sheet. Both were left on top of the bed when they checked out. The other sheets were still on the bed in normal position. Nothing was stained or wet.

I don't want advice about having an off-limits closet. That's not going to change. I have a small house and need the storage so I'm not clearing it out for guests!

I am going to give them private feedback about the invasion of privacy, but haven't decided how to handle the public review. I'm definitely dinging them on stars for the house rules, but not sure whether to mention in the review that they disturbed my personal belongings or not. What say ye?

[Kitty-and-Creek0]

Ah , so they and you are making the best of the space situation.  It is just a sleeping place. Any chance you could arrange other storage and give them the closet? Is there any space for Luggage under the bed? We went for a chest bed, and make good use of the drawers. 

[Suzanne302]

@Kitty-and-Creek0 

Unfortunately, no. My house was built in 1926 so every bit of closet space is coveted! This particular closet is the largest in the house and is a small walk-in. I use it to store things I don't use on a regular basis, like holiday decorations. There is no where else to put these things so the closet will remain with my things.

[Helen3]

Do you have roof space @Suzanne302 

[Gillian166]

@David8879  I giggled at your comment !  Humour is always welcome, and the reactions to humourous comments is always revealing. 

@Suzanne302   move the chest of drawers to in front of the closet door.  then you don't have to padlock it, but you're making it very clear the wardrobe is not to be opened. 

I don't see this as invading your privacy as they are paying to rent the room. I know, you have a sign on it, but if they wanted another duvet for a reason it's logical to look in the closet. Hospitality 101: the spare linens are in the cupboard. 

I wouldn't mention it, this is so unique to your listing, and you are implying they are dishonest people, when all they did was take out a duvet.  

[Huma0]

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@Suzanne302 wrote:

To me, a guest going into a closet that essentially says "NO ENTRY" and removing items is the same thing as a host going into a guest's room and searching through the guest's suitcase. I'm sure a guest would mention that in a review.

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I'm not sure it's exactly the same. I also find it really intrusive when guests go into my personal cupboards. For example, I have a cupboard in one of the bathrooms that is solely for my use. It's a shared bathroom that I also use and I need the storage space. Because it's a fairly large cupboard, at first I used to keep a shelf or two clear for guests. However, I found that some of them then took it to mean they could help themselves to my things in that cupboard. This included my own face cloths and even make up brushes. Since I no longer offer guests any space in that cupboard, this has ceased to be a problem. 

In the kitchen, guests are given fridge and drawer space for their food and there is also a cupboard with coffee, breakfast cereals etc. that they are told to help themselves to, but they are also told not to help themselves to other people's food. This works fine except that, in the cupboard where they will find oil, salt and pepper, I also have some sauces and condiments that are not there for guests. Some guests will just help themselves to everything, which I don't mind. What I do mind is when they use up all of these things and do not buy any of their own (I host long term guests).

So, this is where the confusion happens. I think that spaces have to be either off limits completely, or the guests will sometimes help themselves, depending on what the contents are. You have a cupboard in the guest room. It is not the same as them coming into your room and going through your things. Yes, you have a sign that tells them not to disturb your things, but by granting them space in the cupboard, you are encouraging them to access it and if you leave extra bedding in that cupboard, some guests are going to assume it's okay for them to use it. 

I've learnt from experience never to assume that guests (and especially short term ones) are going to behave how I would behave. Who, for example, would think it was okay to go into my make up bag, take out my make up brushes, use them and then keep them on their own shelf? Well, that is exactly what one guest did. It's weird what some people think is okay. 

No, I don't think you should mention this in the review, but if it irks you, mention it in the private feedback. By leaving the extra bedding on the bed, the guests clearly had no bad intentions nor realised they had done anything wrong.

[Suzanne302]

Thanks @Huma0 . Very good points! And yes, the closet is simply going to be off-limits from now on. That's how it was in the beginning, but then I thought I'd be nice and offer a spot for their suitcase because the room is tight. Ah, I should have just left it private to begin with!

[Huma0]

@Suzanne302 

I never really used to use the phrase "give them an inch and they'll take a mile" until I started hosting 🙂

[Gillian166]

@Huma0 
milk and cookies.

Give them milk and next thing they are asking where the cookies are.  (actually we provide milk  and cookies, haha, so i guess next they'll be asking for croissants and nutella!)

[Huma0]

@Gillian166 

A few months ago I had a guest who I thought might come expecting a few extras. This was based on the reviews she had left for other hosts. They was nothing bad, it was more her compliments about them providing this or that. I thought I could pre-empt this by providing some of these things before being asked (e.g. hotel type slippers) or have things to hand that I wouldn't usually expect guests to ask for (e.g. yoga mat).

The guest arrived, all went went and she left me 5* across the board, but I was astonished at the constant requests for extra things, like coconut sugar for her yoghurt. I did draw the line and start saying no, but the requests didn't even stop after she left and was staying at another Airbnb. One night she messaged me at 11.30pm asking if she could come over to talk, which turned out to be about something not important/urgent at all. She stayed in January and, to this day, still messages me asking random questions. It's like she thinks I'm her host for life/Google replacement.

While it's good to underpromise and overdeliver, this can be taken too far. A more recent guest wanted space in my bathroom cupboard and a number of extra things. This time I said no to most of it. The guest left me 4*, but I think she would have regardless because she was just that sort of person. 

[Annie1372]

@Huma0 

you sound so friendly on this CC, I’m sure your other guest found you very friendly as well during her stay and now she just wants to remain friend with you 🤪

[Huma0]

@Annie1372 

That's very kind of you. Yes, I do try to be friendly with my guests and stay in touch with many of them and several have come back to visit me (as friends, rather than guests). I really don't mind them messaging me after the stay. Quite the contrary. I love to hear from them.

This guest is different. She always wants something. She never asks me how I am or anything about my life. Her messages are always, "Where can I buy X specific item?", "What was that name of Z?" as if I am her personal search engine.

I am guessing it's loneliness rather than an inability to use Google, but you have to be cautious with guests who do not respect boundaries. After the guest messaged wanting to come round and chat at 11.30pm, I was concerned about her as her message indicated that something really bad had happened. But then she didn't respond to my messages. I waited until 1am before finally going to bed.

I found out a couple of days later that it was something trivial but, before that had already suggested we meet for a drink instead of her coming over in the middle of the night. We went to a local place that is not inexpensive. I bought a bottle of wine and some light food. She did not offer to contribute. She proceeded to empty most of the wine into her glass, never offering to top up mine. She then ordered dinner, didn't ask if I wanted to order anything, ate it in front of me and seemed to think I was going to foot the bill! 

Perhaps this girl is an unusual case, but she's not the first one to act like this, nor the worst! So, one has to set boundaries, whether that's saying "Do not raid my personal cupboards," or "Sorry, it's too late for you to come over."

[Suzanne302]

@Huma0 

Yikes. That is definitely crossing a boundary. You are very patient! Has a little bit of a "Single White Female" vibe, if you've ever seen/heard of that old movie.

Or, some people just can't read social cues. Maybe she's autistic?

[Huma0]

@Suzanne302 

Yes, I remember that film well. I am am of that generation. When I was 21, I had a flatmate who was very much along those lines (stole my clothes and tried to steal my boyfriend, but luckily didn't kill anyone as far as I know). 

Who know if this girl was autistic. My brother is a qualified psychologist, but I don't think I have enough knowledge myself to be able to know. What I did realise in the time she was staying here, when we had numerous long chats, was that she had had several problems at previous airbnbs. These included a host being upset because her and her friend helped themselves to things like sheets from a linen closet, but that was not the only place where she had problems. None of this was in her reviews though, so I wouldn't have known unless she told me herself.

I did my best to explain to her to always check the listing and the amenities offered on it and contact the host if she was unsure of anything rather than ASSUME that this or that was included and just help herself (she did help herself to some of my personal stuff while she was here too). 

She was very unhappy at the next listing she stayed at and kept messaging me about it, but when asked for more detail, it turns out the listing was fine. The host just wasn't engaging with her as much...

[Helen3]

You're patient I would have blocked her 🙂 @Huma0 

[Huma0]

@Helen3 

She messages me via WhatsApp, but I guess I could block her on there. It's fine now though as it's just the occasional message (she stayed in January), asking some random question, to which I usually respond, "I'm sorry, I don't know."