Tension between Hosting and Adoption

[William1444]

Details

My family recently began the adoption process, and what follows is some information communicated to us by Owners of a Home Study company, President of an Adoption Agency, and adoption attorneys:

The adoption process from beginning to finalization of court documents generally ranges from 6 to 18 months. The first step is a Home Study. Within the adoption Home Study, the following items are legally required by anyone occupying any portion of the Home Address for any duration:

• FBI, state criminal, child abuse and neglect, and sex offender checks
• An interview conducted by the Home Study Social Worker

Here's where Airbnb hosting really comes in. Every individual that stays at the Home Address from the time the original Home Study is submitted to finalization of adoption must complete those items. In addition, a fee upwards of $500 will be charged for an addendum to the Home Study. All of this creates a nauseating amount of paper work, expense, and wasted time. In most circumstances, background checks will take longer to return than the duration of the guest's stay. As such, we have not been able to find an adoption Agency willing to keep up with the changes, even after offering to establish a minimum 30 day stay.

Involved parties acknowledged the absurdity of a guest staying for 2 days in February being subjected to this level of scrutiny when the absolute earliest conceivable placement date would be two months later. Further, they offered the solution to "Close the rental space until the adoption is finalized, then open it back up." This feels contradictory to the spirit and intent of the restriction - as the regulated activity is encouraged once the courts finalize documents. Lastly, what was suggested is deceptive to the birth parents who should be aware of the activity within the household, such that at their own discretion, they could deny matching with us, or seek more information to improve their level of comfort.

Motivation for Post

I imagine we are not the only family presented with the ultimatum to Host or Adopt/Foster. An ultimatum based on well-intended, yet antiquated and mis-guided institutional policies. More than likely, hosts who find themselves in this position choose to leave the Airbnb platform while pursuing adoption. This affects the number of hosts on the platform, and places Airbnb in the frame of 'a barrier to adoption.' This framing obviously doesn't reflect the Values and Mission of Airbnb. While this post is intended to catalyze conversation, the larger aspiration is for Airbnb and its community of hosts to mobilize resources and leverage democratic processes whenever possible to help bring integrity to the concept of Belonging.  Just as community-building transcends trusted social connections, family-making transcends bloodlines of attachment. If people are to Belong Anywhere, a child with no biological attachment should be able to belong in a loving family, who also welcomes people from different walks of life.

There is much more I could say regarding our personal context, but I'll leave it here for now.

Be well,

Will

[Emiel1]

@William1444 

" More than likely, hosts who find themselves in this position choose to leave the Airbnb platform while pursuing adoption".

It seems from your post for now there is no other choice when an adoption proces is started.

[William1444]

@Emiel1 

We are exploring one more option, but it is certainly more complicated. Basically, we will use more personal networks of communication to find a child rather than using an agency. Then at each critical milestone in the adoption process, we will be responsible for updating the Home Study to include the appropriate information for whoever is staying with us at that time. An adoption attorney will still be required to ensure all paperwork is in order, and make our case before a judge. It is likely we will continue to limit guests to longer stay durations - which hasn't been a problem so far. 

[Helen3]

I can see the importance in terms of child protection of ensuring  those interacting  with young children being fostered/adopted in their home are vetted properly. 

I think you are correct those considering fostering/adoption who are home-sharing as a part of their family income will be willing to make this compromise  of not having multiple guests in their home unknown to them,. in order to have this precious addition to their family.

I home share and to be honest almost certainly wouldn't have done so when my son was much younger. @William1444 

[Sarah977]

@Helen3 @William1444   I feel the same. Although I home share now, I wouldn't have done so when I was raising my kids. Apart from the weirdness of having a revolving string of strangers in a child's home life, guests are total strangers we know nothing about- not a safe situation IMO.

If I had a spare room and needed the extra income, I would look for a full-time renter, perhaps a university student or list somewhere that caters to travelling nurses.

[William1444]

@Sarah977 @Helen3 

@Helen3 @Sarah977 

Thank you for raising the point about child safety. It is reasonable to assume the intent behind the restriction is to ensure, to the best of the courts ability, that a child will be placed in a home that protects the child against harm. If this is the case, what questions would you expect to be asked? I would have expected questions related to the ways children and teens are most likely injured and killed.

1. How many miles do you drive a year? What kind of car do you have? Any history of accidents? (Vehicle related incidents are number 1)
2. Do you have any water bodies nearby? How likely are you to leave your child unattended in the bathtub (Drowning incidents are number 2)
3. Do you know how to perform the Heimlich Maneuver on a small child? What choking hazards do you have around the house? (Choking is number 3)
4. How much highly processed food do you consume a week? How balanced is your diet? (Children are likely to develop illnesses as a product of diets, especially in America).
5. How will we nurture our child to feel empowered, fulfilled, and open to discuss any concerns with us? (Teen suicides have seen a tremendous spike over the last several years, and adopted children are already more likely to suffer from a fragmented sense of self and identity).

Nothing related to any of these subjects are broached in the Home Study. The concern to protect a child from "Strangers" is natural and deserves attention. The actual risks posed by strangers are grossly exaggerated. And undifferentiated reactions to these dehumanized people leads to a World of distrust. If we all aspire for our children to inhabit a better World - how do we engage with this tension to protect, yet be open and build trust with people whom we don't know or otherwise perceive to be "Other?"

[Sarah977]

@William1444 Well, I guess they don't have any questions there about strangers in the home because Airbnbing a private room in one's home short term isn't something that the majority of people do, so it wouldn't be a standard question.

I agree that most people don't pose a danger, that there aren't bad people lurking behind every tree, and that living in fear of "Other" is an issue in society.  But as Airbnb really doesn't properly vet guests, personally I wouldn't want to take that risk. Hosts have reported here getting guests who were wanted on theft or assault charges, and I recall one host who was really upset because the guest who had booked came with her husband, who turned out to be on Megan's List- a convicted child molester. (The host got really weird vibes off the guy, so did some online research) The host's 11 year old niece spent the weekends with her.

That's why I think it's better to rent the space longer term to someone you can check out thoroughly yourself, rather than trust that Airbnb won't send any sketchy guests.

What might be cool is to register with an organization that places foreign exchange students- that would give your kids exposure to people from other cultures and further your ideas and values about being open and building trust with "Other", so that they don't actually see other humans, regardless of race, nationality, etc, as other.

[William1444]

@Sarah977 

I apologize if that was confusing. The adoption process DOES investigate anyone who stays in the home, even if that person stayed months prior to a child being placed. The other items I listed are NOT investigated, despite the risks posed by those items being exponentially more likely.

Thank you for your creative suggestions, it demonstrates your ability to Listen even through a digital medium. It appears there are different starting conditions for our level of comfort, but there is agreement that real interactions with differences within a comfortable space would benefit individuals and the world at large. The two themes I'd like to explore further are:

1. Why is it worthwhile to interact with different people/cultures/stories? Is the goal so that you do not see differences?
2. How do we decide what should be tolerated in terms of "sketchy" people? Would systematically preventing guests with a criminal record from using a cheap means of accommodation within a dignifying environment make matters better? Before answering that, I would encourage watching this TED Talk: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PY9DcIMGxMs. While the emphasis is on addictions, I think you'll find the overall message applicable.

I ask these not knowing the answers, but seeing the relationships between travel, local economics, restorative justice, transcultural richness, and human development.