First time dealing with an intrusive and needy guest

[Heather145]

I have been hosting for a couple months now and am currently hosting my 5th guest.  Each guest has given me 5 stars but I am worried that because I have had to remind this guest several times to follow my house rules, I will not receive a good rating from him.  I am also second guessing whether I want to continue hosting because of this experience.

The house rules he has broken are failing to lock the front door after leaving (I leave for work before he gets up) and sleeping on my couch (he has a private room with 2 beds and a desk).

In addition to breaking house rules, the guest has made me feel uncomfortable very early on by saying immediately after meeting me that I should change my Airbnb profile picture because he thinks I'm "much more beautiful in real life".  Another night he has also came down to ask me where the two of us "can go partying" (while I was in my pj's watching 20/20 btw).  I reminded him that I had left several brochures in his room, had discussed several hangout mobile apps available in the Boston area, and that he was on his own for entertainment options.

He is a Chinese student traveling for an internship so I am wondering if this is a cultural thing?  I printed out the house rules today and gave him a copy to review and told him this was the third time I have had to remind him about house rules and it is starting to make me feel uncomfortable.  

I have tried to update my listing to prevent this sort of intrusive behavior from happening again, but also don't want to sound like an awful person that hates people because I have really enjoyed the hosting experience so far! I just don't want my guests thinking that we will be socializing like we are long-time friends.

I am also wondering how I should go about reviewing him as a guest.

Thoughts? Any help would be greatly appreciated!

Thank you!

[Zacharias0]

I thought I was going to read about how the guest knocked on your room door and invited himself in or badged you with requests for more towels or asks to turn the heat up and down during his stay. Your guest is quite mild compared to other hosts horror stories and mine included. In this case this guest thought he was staying with a host that was more social and interactive. English may not be his first language and he just may not be aware of the cultural differences and him stating you are more beautiful in real life just may have been an off the cuff compliment. I've seen many guests where I thought there picture did not do them justice, but as I am aware of the boundaries and cultural differences I  did not say anything.

Many guests do not read anything you leave for them in the room and also fail to read the majority of your online listing. Get used to it. It's your 5th guest so give it time. Ive learned to accept that most guests will not read any of the house rules so I suggest keeping them short and to the point- like really short. Mention the top two so they know in advance.  In my experience guests just forget to lock the door. I can't understand it and have finally accepted that if I come home and the door is unlocked then I can't be mad.

In regards to leaving a review it should remain friendly and factual. Mark him down on House Rules, but thats probably the worst of it.  Keep in mind if you are sharing a house many, but not all, guests actually expect a bit of interaction from the host. It comes with the terrority. If you aren't a social person you may wish to state this in the message to guests and also in your listing. 

Just my thoughts.

[Heather145]

Thanks for taking the time for your detailed response.  I figure it's small things compared to some of the other horror stories I've been reading.. but being fairly new to the process I'm just trying to figure out how to hopefully prevent the wrong match from staying again and how to more clearly define boundaries.  I've been telling some of my friends about the things this guest is saying to me / doing while he's here, and they were starting to worry for my safety - being a younger female living here alone... so it got me getting a little worried about continuing to host my space.

Thanks again!

[Raffaele-and-Astrid0]

HI @Heather145

I agree with @Zacharias0

I think he just tried to do a compliment, maybe didn't came out right.

for all others things try to keep a open mind,  more communicative, more clear about your way to host, and adaptive to different guest.

beside we have a lot of fun around the city and at home with our guests, with the last couple 2 days ago, we went to dance salsa togheter :D.

but obsviuly not every one is the same.

good luck!

Cheers Raf

[Heather145]

Thank you - I think the updates I made to the listing description will hopefully steer those away from looking to be big into socializing.  I understand that this is why some people rent airbnb, but I guess I fall more into the casual & light conversation for a few minutes, and keeping my social life separate.

Thanks!

[Raffaele-and-Astrid0]

you welcome!

[Crystal41]

I live alone and had an older business man book my place for 3 nights. It was so awkward. He would take a shower at night and walk around in a tshirt and his boxers. I could tell he wanted me to engage with him socially. He even rented movies for us to watch together one night. He had business to attend to in a town about an hour from my place and I know there are airbnb locations there. He was polite, but I just didn't feel safe. I didn't sleep all three nights. And I know this is extremely mild, but I just got a weird vibe. I see my rental as a place to crash for the night when one is in town as a cheaper alternative to a hotel; not a social gathering. I would of been totally weirded out that your guest made a comment about your airbnb profile picture. I think it's inapproprate. It's also innapropriate to ask you go hang out with him. I'm also new to AirBnB and questioning whether I want to continue. 

[Huma0]

Hi @Crystal41, if I were you, I wouldn't give up on hosting, just don't accept requests from solo male travellers.Stick to female travellers and couples. You would need to turn off Instant Booking, if this is something you are using. Most solo males are going to be fine, but as you are living on your own, do you really want to risk it? Even if nothing bad every happens, you shouldn't feel so uncomfortable that you can't sleep.

[Jennifer178]

Hello Heather,

Chinese people can be very blunt and to the point. This can come off as rude or off-putting sometimes. I had a Chinese endocrinologist stay with me once.  Within 5 minutes of being in my house he told me I was fat and would be better off if I lost weight. I almost laughed. Then he saw a picture of my 2 youngest nieces and asked how old they were and said they were beautiful. I said 20 and 21. He said they were too young for him.  Different cultures. Love it or leave it.

[Jennifer178]

I forgot to add that the endocrinologist also said to me when I gave him the key to my bedroom by accident and asked him to give it back and I would give him the right key "Now you will be safe at night." Again, not appropriate but I did not really fear him. But as a single female in a house with a strange man, I like being able to lock my bedroom when I am at work.And when asleep.

[Huma0]

Hi @Heather145, while I'm sure the more experienced hosts on this thread have many valid points and maybe it is a cultural thing, I'm not sure I take exactly the same view.

I am middle aged now, but I do actually remember what it was like to be a young woman, and I don't think your situation should be dismissed so easily. Most of the time, you can tell when a guy is just being friendly/wanting to be sociable or when he wants something more from you, whether it's through the tone of his voice, his body language or the way he looks at you. That doesn't necessarily mean he is going to DO anything inappropriate, but never ignore your intuition in these matters.

As a young woman, unwanted attention can make you feel very uncomfortable. That doesn't make you an unsociable person! Unfortunately, it's something that's almost impossible to avoid in day to day life, but you should not have to put up with it in your own home where you are supposed to feel safe and relaxed. One of our guests made my young housemate feel this way while I was away on a business trip because he insisted on talking to her breasts rather than her face. Nothing bad happened, but I would never want to put her in a position where she felt that way again. It is her home.

We are offering a nice place to stay, with friendly, helpful hospitality. We are NOT offering the option of a holiday fling. Most of our solo male guests have been absolutely lovely, but every now and again you get one who doesn't seem to understand this. It hasn't happened to me personally very often, but it has happened, and actually it's not okay. It's certainly much worse than being badgered for extra towels or being asked to turn the heating up!

I would suggest you follow the advice to fit a lock on the inside of your bedroom door, if you have not done so already. For this particular guest, you need to play it by ear. If you think he is harmless and he is not staying much longer, take a deep breath and wait for him to go. You have already repeatedly stated your house rules so there's not much more you can do. If, on the other hand, you genuinely feel unsafe, then it is important for you to act upon this and contact Airbnb to get him moved to alternative accommodation. Your safety is much more important than a good review.

In future, I would suggest you only accept female travellers and couples, rather than single men. I am happy to accommodate solo male guests but I am not a young woman living on my own. There are also some recent posts on these forums re how to leave a diplomatic review for a guest you've not been totally happy with. Do let me know if you need help finding them.

I hope that is helpful. Please let us know how things go.

[Mandi-S-Just-Business-Ro0]

Hi there, I understand your concerns completely.

If you are renting a room, you can specify female or couples only, in addition to going off instant book. Not that guys won't try to get in there anyways, but it helps.

A couple of other tips is to include a photo of a guy in your profile photo (maybe a "co-host"?) and to have other people dropping in fairly regularly.

I started out female only and have gone a full 180 degrees to predominantly male. Thing is, I have more than one room available in my home and so I am never alone with them. I find the guys act more like big brothers. 

Yes, I also run into the "boxer short" situation, so I went to the Salvation Army and got some super bathrobes for them. I also got flip flops from the Dollar Store. 

Cheers!