Guests taking rather too many liberties

[Lucinda69]

I have rented out my spare room (plus private bathroom and toilet) for a year now through Air BnB - all good.

In most cases, my guests have been what I would term as true Bed and Breakfast people. In other words, they sleep, they have breakfast, they go out for pretty much all of the day (to work or to sightsee), and return in the evening. Sometimes they will ask to prepare a meal in the kitchen, and longer-stay people will ask to use the washing machine occasionally for their clothes.

However, I currently have a couple in and they are using my house as their own. They use the washing machine daily, even twice a day, there is constant cooking and meal preparation going on. They have taken space in the fridge, the freezer, the store cupboard. Both of them are "working from home" - my home  - and have taken over my dining room for the purpose. If they go out at all, it's only for an hour or so.

They are very nice people and I cannot fault their behaviour and demeanour towards me. For example, I currently have some building work going on in my own bathroom and they are good with the daytime work and the small amount of disruption this is causing. But I feel like I am a guest in my own home.

Maybe I am old-fashioned but BnB is bed and breakfast - not house sharing. Yes, I have charged them a small amount on top to cover extra utilities used, and I just wanted to know if this was normal behaviour for guests in a spare room in a home.

I really think they would have been happier in a small apartment, rather than taking over my home.

What do others think about this? They are here for another 2 weeks. Am I being picky? Is this something to expect from longer-term guests (in this case 4 weeks)? Should I simply suck it up?

But it's my home and I feel a bit like a stranger here at times.

[Ann72]

@Lucinda69  That sounds quite frustrating, but the fact is that, in spite of the name Airbnb, you are home-sharing.  Your house rules don't limit kitchen or dining room hours - in fact, they almost seem to say the opposite:  "Some spaces are shared — My dining room and my kitchen are places you may use - sharing with me. You are also welcome to sit in the conservatory for a change from your room."   

Now, you and I both know that you are not inviting guests to take over those rooms.  You're being welcoming and polite, and by saying "sharing with me," you're expecting people to mind their manners and be respectful of boundaries.  But not everyone behaves that way and not everyone responds to subtle social cues.  So I think it's time to have a chat with your guests.  

You can make it friendly but say that as it's the first time you've hosted people who are working from home, you'd like to set forth some guidelines.  Other home-sharing hosts who are regulars here will be better equipped to give you specific tips, like @Huma0 @Helen3 and @Sarah977, and I trust you'll hear from them soon.  In the meantime, bon courage!

[Lucinda69]

@Ann72  Thanks very much. This is the first time I have had this situation - well maybe once before but it was for a much shorter time. I will change my rules to make them a bit firmer for another time. Don't get me wrong. I like these people and they are quiet and respectful so I cannot complain. I guess that I am just not used to house-sharing. My previous guest used to go out at 7 am and not return until 10 pm and others would be in their room most of the time they were home. What a difference.!

[Huma0]

@Ann72  Thanks for bringing my attention to this thread.

@Lucinda69  you have already received a lot of advice from other hosts and it sounds like you have a plan going forward, so I'll try not to repeat too much.

I started out hosting both short and long-term guests, but now focus only on long-term ones. While many are out and about all day at work or college, it is not at all uncommon for others to be working or studying from home a lot and especially since COVID, I expect the majority of my guests to be working from home much or even all of the time. So, if you continue hosting long-term guests, you will need to bear this in mind. So many people's work/study schedules have changed radically since March.

My guests are very welcome to use any communal spaces and I don't limit use of those areas. If you are not comfortable with that, either list certain areas as unavailable or specify limited use and what that means. Each of my rooms has a desk so most guests working/studying from home do so in their rooms. Occasionally, a guest wants to work in another space and that is fine by me, as long as it's not from the dining table, because that's where I work. It's all about setting the boundaries that work for you.

They each get one shelf in the fridge. If they start taking over other people's shelves (rarely happens), they will be reminded. Likewise with cupboard space in the kitchen. If guests start cluttering up kitchen surfaces with stuff, I have no qualms about putting it on their shelf/in their drawer. They usually don't do it again!

I also try to 'train' my guests to use the washing machine responsibly, i.e. not to do tiny amounts at a time, or to put smaller loads on a quick wash, but limiting guests to one load per week is probably a simpler solution. I find that with my method, most guests end up doing laundry only once a fortnight. I make a big point about trying to run an environmentally friendly home, which tends to guilt trip most long-term guests into complying! 

[Elena87]

@Lucinda69 

If you are accepting guests for more than five days, it's best to find out their intentions in advance why they want to stay in your place so you can judge how things might go from exchanging pre-booking messages.

I suppose if you did know pre-booking that they were both WFH, you could anticipate they could be your space invaders, so usually Instant Book isn't the best for home sharing. You have a nice place, but no desk space in the bedroom, so WHF guests are going to attempt to conquer extra space.

Otherwise you can be strict on adding rules to your listing, clearly stating areas guests can use, limiting use of washing machine and times when kitchen can be used, even restricting to use of a microwave for example - you have to also enforce your own house rules.

You can put up with the guests for a couple of weeks, but might be worth to have a fireside chat to tip the balance back towards yourself.

[Lucinda69]

@Elena87. Thanks for the advice. I will be revising my house rules in the next few days. I appreciate your comments.

[Kath9]

@Lucinda69, like you, I started out by saying 'Welcome! Come in! Share everything!' However, I was seeing this through the lens of what I personally would do if I was staying in someone else's home (i.e. I would never dream of 'taking over' or treating someone else's home like it was my own space). Unfortunately, not everyone has the same lens as me, so since then, I have learned to set my boundaries. For example, I have stopped the stove and oven use because many times I couldn't even get in to cook my own dinner. I have also stopped the laundry use - people would sometimes do a full cycle for a pair of knickers and a t-shirt, then chuck it in the dryer for an hour. I've also said that the lounge room/TV is no longer available because I didn't want guests taking over the one room in the house that I feel I can have some space (plus I can't stand the sound of commercial TV, especially when it is turned up to volume 50). That said, I am happy to be flexible for people who I believe will do the right thing.

Sounds like your current guests absolutely needed to book their own space but thought they could get away with something cheaper by sharing someone's space. So, yes, I think you do need to revise your house rules to ensure you don't get people who are looking for the full run of someone's home.

[Heidi588]

It's a challenging situation but I think it's possible to handle it with balance and a small amount of finesse, and of course you've got great information now for going forward so that you can pre-emptively place clearer boundaries for future guests. 

I think it's a good sign that they are not the entitled type since they've been so relaxed about the bathroom work and were amenable to paying extra for bills. And as you said, they have good behavior and demeanor toward you. It sounds like they are reasonable and amicable.

I can understand how they may have misinterpreted the listing to think they had more liberty in use of certain spaces and amenities than you intend, but I believe that can be remedied quite well. If you don't do something about while they're there, you may feel building resentment because you're letting someone get away with overriding your boundaries. 

A possible approach could be to say, "I value _______ and need _______. When someone does ________, I am not able to/I experience ________. Would you be willing to ________?"  

(Ex: I need space in the refrigerator for when I cook. When guests use more than one shelf, there is no space when I find that I need it and I have to plan my meals more carefully than I have time for. Would you be willing to limit your use of the fridge to one shelf?)

If they say yes, great. If you get the sense it's not really resolved, then conflict may bubble up. So you could say, "Would you like x amount of time to think about it? Perhaps you can propose a better solution. You have been excellent guests, and I'm confident we can work this out." (Giving someone the opportunity to come up with suggestions or proposals shifts the brain from emotion and defense mode to thinking and logic mode, and also shows that the other person is respected and matters.) Also, I don't know your communication style, so this may not be an issue, but I'd caution against apologizing for anything; it subconsciously sets up that they are right and you are wrong, and therefore creates a battle arena. You sound pretty confident, but in response to personal discomfort, there might be motivation to try to preemptivel soothe them, and there's no reason to soothe or apologize for your own needs. Your needs won't hurt them. 

I think it would be a good idea to wait to change your listing until after they check out so that they don't perceive it as a covert aggression and either consciously or sub-consciously become defensive. 

I wish you and your guests well! However you decide to approach this, I hope it works out smoothly.

[Gordon0]

Back in the early days, I too was a bit welcoming. My listing showed photos of the lounge - which guests were free to use - and other common areas. I soon learned this wasn't a great idea. 

All 'common space' photos were swiftly deleted, and I also removed kitchen/lounge use from shared spaces. 

I now get the sort of guests I like; ones I rarely see.

We're not B&Bs (despite the Airbnb branding - a bit of a red herring) so it's up to us to make sure we attract the right sort of guests by describing what we offer (and don't). 

[Lucinda69]

The BnB thing is misleading. I once stayed in a place that offered no breakfast at all - not even a cup of tea. All I wanted was a slice of toast or something before setting off on a long drive and believed that a night of Air BnB would include at least that. (I was wrong). I offer a light breakfast to short-term guests. Some Italian people who stayed loved my home-made jam.

I get good ratings, and want to keep it that way.  So, I am learning to adapt my listing description and will do so for future guests, but not for these guys. As one person on this thread said, you can't change mid-stream. There are only 2 weeks to go and I am getting used to them. 

But I will look carefully at future bookings and ensure that there is no misunderstanding of the boundaries.

I will perhaps just mention the frequent use of the washing machine - I have a load of my own to do today and am needing to empty out theirs before I can.

I've only been doing this since September last year and for four months we we shut down by Covid, so I am still new to all of this, and am learning.

I love this community. Thanks once again.

[Jessica-and-Henry0]

@Lucinda69 

Long-term hosting in a shared home situation can be quite different compared to short-term hosting because people will be "living" there, not just visiting. In my experience, long-terms stays in a shared home require a completely different set of rules, and knowing the purpose of the stay is really important. You've already gotten some really great suggestions from other hosts. 

Changing your listing description or rules during a stay won't help - rules need to be agreed on BEFORE the stay, so my suggestion is to work on a draft but don't change your description or add any new rules till your current guests leave. And you need to make sure whatever rules you set, YOU need to stick to them. 

Maybe in the future, think about NOT hosting longer stays. There are pros and cons and you may need to adjust your own expectations as well. If you don't want to do the home-sharing, roommate situation then IMO, you definitely should not have people staying longer than 2~3 weeks max. 

But in the here and now, if they are acting in a way that bothers you, then I think it doesn't hurt to bring it up with the guests in a casual, friendly way - like any home sharing situation. 

Frequent laundry (I've had the same problem before) - my suggestion is to bring this up casually with the guests. You noticed they do small frequent loads everyday and you'd much prefer if they could try to do larger loads, every 3 or 4 days. If they are taking up too much space in the fridge, mention you usually only give guests 1 shelf and while you understand 1 shelf may not always be enough, you'd appreciate if they could limit themselves to no more than 2 shelves at the most. For shared spaces, you could say you understand working from home and needing the space to work occasionally or during the day, but the purpose of the shared dining room is not to provide guests with a home office and you would like to use that space too, so you'd like them to limit use of the dining room as a work space to certain times, and you'd like privacy to cook and eat during certain times in your kitchen without feeling like you are intruding or bothering them. As you talk about these things, ask them what THEY think and what they are willing to do, be open to suggestion. I think you could also add that it's your 1st time hosting guests from more than 1~2 weeks or people working from home so you did not think to talk about these things in advance and leave it at that. No need to apologize but rather show you want to find a way for everyone (host AND guests) to enjoy the stay. 

Take notes of the chat, summarize what was agreed on, thank them for understanding, then send a brief recap and thank you thru the Airbnb messenger as a follow up. 

I'd image that most reasonable people will be open to an honest conversation, and understand that home-sharing requires some level of adjustment for everyone involved. 

Good luck~

[Lucinda69]

Replying ALL of you who have so kindly offered advice. Yes, I am learning to adapt my listing description and will do so for future guests, but not for these guys. As one of you said, you can't change mid=stream. There are only 2 weeks to go and I am getting used to them. 

But I will look carefully at future bookings and ensure that there is no misunderstanding of the boundaries.

I will perhaps just mention the frequent use of the washing machine - I have a load of my own to do today and am needing to empty out theirs before I can.

I've only been doing this since September last year and for four months we we shut down by Covid, so I am still new to all of this, and am learning.

I love this community. Thanks once again.

[Jessica-and-Henry0]

@Lucinda69 

My (very long and extensive) listing description and house rules are tailored for long-term stays, mostly exchange students staying anywhere from 1 month up to nearly 5 months. Whenever I get an inquiry, I will ask very specific questions to check if they've really read my listing description and to confirm they haven't missed anything important (like the fact that we are strict about not letting guests bring their own guests/friends into our home, or that we will occasionally enter the guest bedroom to open/close windows or change sheets, that we don't have an oven or dishwasher, about the 7~8 min walk to the nearest metro station, and host expectations about the guest cleaning up after oneself  etc.)

We had a few guests who weren't as respectful as we hoped..... but the majority were great! We became quite close with some of our guests and stay in touch. 

Mine are a bit extreme, and I don't think this level of detail is needed or appropriate for most hosts..... but feel free to take a look. Even if it's just to get some ideas about how YOU want to adjust your listing description and house rules. 

https://www.airbnb.com/rooms/17214396?s=67&unique_share_id=e0c56fcc-5662-4216-b7b2-73fc09944167

[Helen3 · Accepted solution]

Hello @Lucinda69 

I house share in the UK too.

I have in my house rules that guest can use the washing machine once a week.

I ask as part of my IB questions about the purpose of their stay.

If guests intend to work from home I make it clear that they need to do so in their room.

I offer guests a shelf in the fridge and a cupboard for any food etc.

I also confirm that we need to agree times when they can use the kitchen and dining room and that it needs to be cleaned after they use the kitchen after every use.

[Lucinda69]

@Helen. That is great advice. I will certainly tighten up after these guests have left