Declining a Request

[Debbie412]

Hi All, first time posting here and I have a bit of a rant but I would like some feedback from you on a situation I just experienced. Sorry for the lengthy post! I received a booking request this morning at 3:00 am (no I don’t use IB nor do I want to) this is how it all went

her-hello my sister and I will be traveling from NY so im not exactly sure what time we will be arriving

Me-Hi (guest name)what brings you to Montreal and who will you be travelling with? You mention your sister but the booking is 1 guest?

Her-hi im going to see family and I didn't realize I thought i fixed it my apologies

Me-Will it just be you and your sister staying then? Are you driving from New York?

her-its ok ill just get a hotel i understand your being cautious of your place but your kind of asking me questions that i kind of answered already

me-Sorry about that, but your answers were unclear.

her-its ok i never had to interview to stay at an air bnb before

me-Please remember to withdraw your request. Thank you

her-you can just deny it.

Of course I had to decline it and I’m sure it will affect my standing. Has anyone else had a similar situation? How did you handle it? Was I in the wrong? 

[Sarah977]

@Lisa723  Even though I'm an in-home host, I don't ask those kinds of questions either. I can see where guests would be taken aback, feeling like they're being given the third degree. Most of my guests send quite friendly and informative booking request messages. The few that don't tend to be young, of a generation that is used to communicating in one line texts, so if I get one that only says "Will be arriving at noon", I'll respond with something like "Hi XX, just want to ensure that you've read through all my listing details and are aware that....... Also, will you be driving or taking the bus? If coming on the bus, I'll send you bus info and can pick you up at the bus stop. If driving, I'll send you map, as my place can be quite hard to find." That has always ellicited a more informative response.

[Debbie412]

Thank you all for your input! I usually don’t have a problem and I feel it’s my right to know how many people will be staying in my home. Usually when a guest sends a request they put that info in their opening email to me. Asking what is bringing them to the area is my way of getting a feel of what kind of stay they are looking for. How they are getting to my place is so I might help.  Every one has their way of hosting that best suits them. 

[Emilia42]

@Debbie412 About 25% of my bookings are like your example. Guest books for one (I do use instant book) and says "I'm traveling from X with my best friend/partner/husband/etc." Or the message says "WE" somewhere. 100% of the time the guest has completely overlooked the person count. The Airbnb systems defaults to 1 (in my opinion, it should default to zero so you would automatically know to question it.) I always let the guest know that I will update the guest count and they will get a message to approve the change. All have thanked me for correcting it.

[Debbie412]

Good morning, I have just received a warning letter from Airbnb stating that the user reported me as potentially violating the non discrimination policy? Has anyone had this happen before? It seems I don’t get to defend myself as it is clearly a form letter. 

[Marcella69]

It sounds like your message exchange will prove otherwise?

[DAK-Design-and-Home0]

The reaction of the potential guest sounds like they may have thought your questions were racially based, even though your questions were pretty standard as an  Airbnb host. You may want to amalgamate your questions into one such as "what brings you to Montreal?" and then shift focus in any other questions to arrival and departure, special needs etc. You should already have the info on how many people are staying anyway. And this way no one can jump to any conclusion. Also you have a right as host to refuse without penalty - it's after they have booked and you cancel that a penalty can happen. Plus, if someone tells you that they have never done an interview for am Airbnb before, you can simply reply it's quite common for hosts at Airbnb, that's why it's set up to ask questions - and furthermore, if you are checking in at a hotel, you have to go through the same amount of questions.

[Ann72]

@DAK-Design-and-Home0  I remember this post but had not seen many of the replies last year.  I'm not surprised the host was warned about discrimination.  The tone of her communication was aggressive.  The young lady wrote that she and her sister weren't sure when they would be arriving.  The host's response was shocking to me.  All she had to do was to write:  "Delighted you found the place!  Your reservation is for one but since your sister is coming, would you mind changing the number of guests?  Or I can handle that for you from my end."  And then - she harps on and on at the poor girl - Will it just be you and your sister?  Are you driving from New York?  No wonder the guest wanted to get away from her as fast as possible and would not withdraw the request for her but forced her to decline.

A host can be welcoming and friendly but firm and in control all at the same time.  So many problems that arise can be tied directly to the communication between guest and host.  The host can set the tone of the whole stay from the first message and prevent many unfortunate incidents.

[DAK-Design-and-Home0]

I couldn't agree more with your assessment. The questions were far too many and far too similar which allowed it to come across as aggressive. These kinds of hosts however are often winging it and not getting all the tips they should get hosting from Airbnb  - thankfully this community section exists but feels somewhat out of date now, is anyone using it? I am looking for cleaning or co-hosting opportunities myself. Would be great to post somewhere...

[Huma0]

@Ann72 @DAK-Design-and-Home0 

I don't think there's anything wrong with the questions, more the way they are communicated, which seems rather abrupt and could be interpreted as prying, even when it's not. I don't think there's any evidence of discrimination there, so the guest maybe overreacted by reporting such, unless we are not hearing the full story?

Just because a guest sends you one-liners, it doesn't mean you have to reply like that. @Sarah977 's approach, for example, is to ask questions without putting the guest on the defensive. I am definitely on the chatty side, but guests don't seem to mind this at all. Quite the opposite.

So, something like this:

Guest-hello my sister and I will be traveling from NY so im not exactly sure what time we will be arriving

Host -Hi (guest name), thanks so much for choosing my listing. What lovely reviews you have! I look forward to hosting you and your sister. What brings you to Montreal, by the way, and have you visited before? Do let me know if you need any advice on things to do and see, or help with practical information like transportation.

Also, you've only booked for one guest, so would you mind changing the reservation to two people? Or, I can do it from my end if you're not sure how and then you just need to accept the changes. No problem re arrival time. Just let me know when you know, as long as you give me a couple of days' notice so that I can make sure I'm here to check you in.

Best wishes..."

I have really never had any issues with this approach or guests feeling the questions are intrusive. The only problems are with non-responsive guests, which this one clearly was not, but that's a whole different matter.

[Anonymous]

@Ann72   I agree that @Debbie412 could have chosen a gentler tone in the initial correspondence to seem more welcoming. But the guest's foul, entitled attitude clearly demonstrated that it would be a problematic booking best avoided. Can you imagine being so impolite when requesting the keys to a stranger's home?

I am curious what the basis of the "discrimination" claim was. Guests may not realize that hosts can't see their photo until the booking is confirmed, so there might have been a suspicion of racial bias. But then again, a lot of people out there (including many contributors to this forum) do not understand what discrimination means in this context - specifically, that it refers to bias against members of a perceived group and not just any situation where you didn't get what you wanted as an individual (as it appears in the Karenpedia). 

[Ann72]

@Huma0  With such a charming approach, how could anyone ever have the slightest problem with you?

I hear you, @Anonymous, but that host was just so ham-handed and aggressive, and unlike Huma she totally lacked charm and the light touch combined with the confidence that she's the one in control, not the guest.  Whether she could have turned this guest around or not I don't know, but her answers could have made the whole exchange a lot better and probably not led to someone being so offended they would take the trouble to report her for discrimination, whether the report had any basis or not.

[Huma0]

@Ann72 

Thank you 🙂

I think it's just a British thing. It's how I communicate in work emails too. It's just so much easier to get people to help you if you are nice to them!

My boss is German and finds the British way of communicating totally charming. After years of living in the UK, he has lost his abruptness. We work with people all over the world, including a lot from the USA and I have to admit, we were shocked in the beginning by the way Americans wrote emails. Initially we thought they were just plain rude, but realised it's just a different way of doing things. They probably either think we are quaint, or just annoying.

[DAK-Design-and-Home0]

absolutely - keeping in mind also the host allegedly was not only rude but violated the non discrimination policy, and that the Airbnb template to fill out new listings suggests that we ask a myriad of questions when it fact they should be focused and limited to something reasonable.