How to decline guest | excess alcohol consumption

Yadira22
Level 10
London, United Kingdom

How to decline guest | excess alcohol consumption

Hello All,

hope you are well. 
like most of you I enjoy the odd glass of wine or better yet cocktail but when travelling especially in Airbnb I avoid excess consumption. 

I have a returning guest who I have “blocked” but is still able to communicate and send reservation requests- now contents to the above. Whenever he stays even if it’s for one night he leaves excess alcohol bottles in the bin inside his room, once he stayed one night only and managed to get through 3 wine bottles (2l each) and 4 ciders. In all truth and honesty I think he had someone over but cannot prove it as I have since lost footage from out outdoor CCTV camera (disclosed). 

having had to physically wonder through west London trying to locate a previous guest, to find him sleeping on our staircase and then having to physically put him into bed- I put that any consumption of excess alcohol throughout the guest stay is not permitted as to avoid any potential anti social behaviour etc

 

Now I have to decline his request but how would you suggest I word it? I have been told that I am a tad too formal and upfront and obviously do not want to offend if he does have issues with alcohol as addiction is a very hard thing but there is also an element of concern for my safety and my other guests. 

any assistance is greatly appreciated- thank you in advance.

 

yadira 🙂

20 Replies 20
Helen3
Level 10
Bristol, United Kingdom

Firstly @Yadira22  call airbnb if you have blocked a guest they shouldn't be able to communicate with you or request to book.

 

Hopefully that means your situation will be resolved.

 

If you want to reply just tell him you don't feel your listing is a good fit for him.

 

Please don't put yourself at risk by wandering around the streets of London late at night. It is not your responsibility to  look after guests that have got themself so drunk they pass out on your steps. (hope you left an honest review about this one).

Yadira22
Level 10
London, United Kingdom

Hi @Helen3 

He has 9 reviews and 5* overall so I do not know why he chooses to behave like this- maybe this is what he does with remote hosts (despite living 10 mins away). The first time he was fine but the second was so bad everything smelt of alcohol- so bad that despite losing my sense of smell by 90% or something I was still able to smell it- so never again. 

Regarding the way I dealt with the drank incident- this man was an eye opener to say the least, but never again and his account was reported and hopefully removed completely. 

Thank you- reported the glitch to Airbnb! 

Yadira 

Linda108
Level 10
La Quinta, CA

@Yadira22   I agree with @Helen3  in that you need to speak with Air BNB about your blocking this guest and making sure the guest cannot contact you via Air BNB.  However, if you established another way to communicate with this guest such as texting, you cannot expect Air BNB to stop that but you can look at your cell phone settings for a way to do so.

 

Of course you will not be required to state specifically why you do not want to host this guest.  Excess consumption of alcohol can lead to many problematic behaviors, but you usually don't know the guest is doing that until after they are gone or there has been some problem.

Sarah977
Level 10
Sayulita, Mexico

@Yadira22  I'm not sure that stating that you don't allow excess alcohol consumption will do much to prevent it, as alcoholics may have a different interpretation of "excess" than you do. Nothing wrong with mentioning it though, as it would give you back-up if a guest does become undesirable for that reason.

It's the behavior that's the issue, not really the alcohol, as some people get right away aggressive or obnoxious or incapable when they drink too much, and others can "hold it" to the point where you'd never know. I've had a couple of guests where when they left, I was rather surprised to find so many empty liquor bottles in their garbage can. As I host in my home, it's not like I'd never know if they were falling down drunk, or carrying on some drunken monologue in their room. But I never had an inkling that those guests were alcoholics- their behavior was normal and they never appeared to be intoxicated.

I feel your pain Yadira, all my problematic guest experiences have involved excessive alcohol and or drugs this year. One male started smashing up my dining room furniture. The last thing a single female host wants to deal with at 2 am! Ring airbnb and stress you do not feel safe hosting this guest. I surprisingly received a follow up call from a trust and safety manager, whether or not the guest's profile still exists, I do not know. But I did tell them that he should not be allowed to continue on the platform. Honestly, I love a drink or two myself, but if alcohol brings out the worst in someone, they should just stay away from it. I tend to tell everyone I love them when I drink, or fall asleep!

Yadira22
Level 10
London, United Kingdom

Hello @Linda108 all communication was kept on Airbnb and his number was blocked from my phone a long time ago. I reported the glitch to Airbnb- should be fine (I hope).


@Sarah977 As you say “excess” is subjective and completely based on tolerance levels. My concern is mostly based on behaviour resulting from it as highlighted by yourself. Personally when I drink I become very affectionate and hug people, telling them I love them. In my sober state I do not really do this- I prefer to show love through actions. 

@Rosemarie9 I am so sorry to hear of your experience. I don’t host by myself as it would be almost impossible for me to do everything. My father (my main help) went away for 4 weeks during the summer and in his absence I lost about 5kilos in weight from running everywhere... so I really do admire anyone who does this by themselves. He is always with me when any situation like this occurs- so even in the worse case it was controlled but still not the ideal situation to deal with on a Monday night at 11pm. 
I hope you never have to deal with this situation again and thank you for your response. 

I wish everyone love and luck and thank you for taking the time. Let’s hope it gets fixed this time! 🙂

 

 

Helen427
Level 10
Auckland, New Zealand

Thanks @Yadira22  I share your issue & challenges.

 

Currently have a guest who is in Auckland looking for work & going through separation issues.

He went & got a 6 pack of beer on Sunday when I was out.

He went to bed early Sunday & put his empties in the bin & told me he wasn't well on the Monday as he had a crook stomach.

 

Hmm, I went to put some recycling in the bin & spotted an empty whiskey & vodka bottle so it all makes sense why he's not well - all drunk within 24hours of arrival..

 

He's been here since Friday night & today is the first day he's gone out for more than 30minutes!

 

Any advice how to deal with this situation?

 

Thanks in advance

 

 

Sarah977
Level 10
Sayulita, Mexico

@Helen427  As it's obvious from your posts on the forum, you are a very kind-hearted and compassionate person. Is this guest someone you feel you could talk to frankly? If so, I'd suggest making a time to talk to him at a time of day when he is actually sober, like after he wakes up in the morning (afternoon?) and has had a shower and breakfast, pointing out that he represented his intentions to you as looking for work, but that it's pretty impossible to find work if you spend your days drinking and never leave the house. I'm sure you'd be able to let him know that you understand he's in a difficult time right now, what with his separation and joblessness, and you are empathetic, but that you accepted him as a guest on the basis that he would be job hunting, and if he prefers to just drink all day instead, that it would be best if he found aother place to stay.

If he seems like someone who'd get belligerant and you don't feel comfortable talking to him like this, I'd just keep it real professional- he misrepresented his intentions, you aren't interested in providing housing to someone who just wants to sit around and drink all day, he's making you uncomfortable in your own home, and he'll need to find alternative housing ASAP:

Rarely do I disagree with your sage and professional advice, @Sarah977 , but in this case, I would never confront a guest about drinking.  A host should only manage around expected guest behavior.  Any other communication with the guest is the same as a guest wandering into the host bedroom...boundaries.

 

I do agree that if there is discomfort around guest behavior, not to be confused with concern about a guest's well-being, Air BNB should be contacted for relocation. 

@Linda108  I definitely see your point. I guess I only suggested that approach because of this particular host, who always comes across as having a huge amount of compassion for everyone and might feel bad just telling the guy he needed to leave without any one-on-one discussion. She already seems to know that he is going through separation issues, so it would appear they've had some personal discussions.

And I've dealt with a fair amount amount of alcoholics in my day and I can say that while talking to them about their drinking is most often completely pointless, I've also found on occasion that it leads to a wake up call and they do indeed start to see themselves as others do and shape up.

But I agree that it wouldn't generally be a good idea to confront a guest or even mention their personal issues unless they brought it up themselves, and obviously wanted to talk about it. Not that a host needs to engage that way, even if the guest wanted to, but they might, depending on what kind of person they are.

Most non-professionals and quite a few professionals do not know how to deal with someone in the throes of excessive drinking.  I just want hosts to be careful about their compassion.  I know that having someone in your home gives you a sense of intimacy which can be quite rewarding.  However, I also know that our guests are still strangers and respecting boundaries is the safe thing to do.  Granted, both as a professional and also within my personal circle, I have been able to facilitate someone's "wake up", but as a general rule, I would guard against that strategy as a host.

BTW  Thank you so much for your helpful responses to so many others who have posted.

Sarah977
Level 10
Sayulita, Mexico

@Linda108  And thank you for your professional insight. It's always most welcome and enlightening.

Yadira22
Level 10
London, United Kingdom

@Helen427 

I can’t help but feel sorry for this man- regardless of how as an individual we deal with these situations, it is still a hard situation. 
The advice given above is good on both fronts but only you would know how to best judge it as you are the one physically interacting with the guest in question. So, as with anything do what is best by you.


With regards to my drunk guest, I physically interacted as he was downright asleep on my staircase- not only super gross but dangerous (“major trip hazard” if you are clumsy as I am). Also when I found him his head was completely backwards, after putting him in bed I made sure he was in the recovery position and luckily I was surrounded by others to help me. I was a volunteer first aider for 5 years prior so drunk behaviour is not new to me and this man needed someone to be forceful otherwise if he vomited it would have been a different ending.

 

To say Airbnb and him got an earful the day after is an understatement but it was done. Personally I did not like the way Airbnb dealt with this situation but that’s another story and one I would rather not disclose right now. 

 

Anyway- sending so much love and hope for peace of mind to the two of you! Keep on doing you... you got this! 💪🏼

Helen427
Level 10
Auckland, New Zealand

Thanks @Yadira22 @Linda108 @Sarah977 ,

He took my suggestion & went to the library to use the internet & as luck would have it he's been offered a job in Sydney, Australia and on his way tomorrow!
He thanked me very much for sending him there as it's such a great place to take time out & said it's because of me sending him there he got this Job!

I guess he will spend some of his time in the future reflecting on where & how he got this job.

 

He's a pleasant person and I can understand where he's coming from as he's been through a lot recently. He reckons I remind him of his mother & that she would have given him the same suggestion.

I'm not sure if that's good or bad but it seems to be a bit trendy at the mo for guys to compare me with their mother. Hmmm

 

All the best