Ladies - is this a taboo issue?

[Ben551]

I have a question for fellow hosts that pertains to a particular ladies issue.

Now, as a bloke asking this, it’s pretty safe to assume whatever and however I ask this will offend someone, so let’s just get this part out of the way: I’m an ill educated English **bleep** who doesn’t know the first thing about how difficult “that time of the month” can be, other than what my wife tells me...

So, to my question...

What is the protocol around asking a guest to... put right a bed stain situation she created, due to (I assume) either beng caught by surprise or not being prepared? I’m talking total and complete destruction, to the point where it looks like someone was murdered on the bed.

Wife is trying to deal with it, but I can’t help think we are about to lose expensive bedding... possibly even the bed itself. It’s even on the duvet... 4 layers soaked through, past the protector.

If we have to, is it “out of bounds” to seek compensation from the guest, do you think?

I suppose my gut is saying to go through our own home insurance if we lose the bed... I just can’t see myself raising an issue like this with a guest.  She obviously knows she did it, and left without saying anything, so ... bleh. Feels a bit rude on her part, but maybe she was embarrassed.

[Lyn3]

@Ben551 Hi, I realise this will sound like a strange idea...just wondering how the chap looked and sounded as these guests checked out...could he have been the person with a health issue, maybe?

So good to read that you and your wife have it all sorted. 

Regards,

Lyn

[Sarah977]

@Ben551  Seriously, you can't get hydrogen peroxide? That's weird. It's available in any pharmacy, drug store, or supermarket all over North America. It's used as a disinfectant and I use a splash in a cup of water as a mouthwash. Pretty benign stuff. And it's definitely the ticket as far as removing bloodstains.

As a woman who raised 3 daughters I don't think it's a taboo subject, considering that half the adult population bleeds once a month. Normal bodily function. Would you expect compensation if a guest ruined the bedding with vomit, faeces, or whatever? Embarrassment is no excuse for disrespect and not offering to pay for something ruined, as far as I'm concerned. One of my gests had an accident, and even though I could tell she was embarrassed, she told me immediately, asking how I wanted her to deal with it. That's just how responsible adults behave.

For the future, I suggest you put a note in the house manual, guest manual, verbally or however you communicate "this is how we do things here", instructing guests to notify you or your wife immediately if they get blood or other bodily fluids on the bedding or towels that might stain, so you can deal with it right away. Word it so it won't be too embarrassing to comply with.

"Dear guest, we're all human, and accidents happen. Please understand that as hosts we deal with all manner of cleaning regarding human use, it just comes with the territory of hosting, so no need to be embarrassed. If you bleed, or otherwise get something on the sheets or towels that may require some special laundry treatment, please notify one of us immediately, we will give you fresh linens or towels and hopefully be able to remove the offending stain. We would prefer this to having to charge our guests to replace ruined bedding or towels. Thanks for your cooperation."

And pretty much every adult woman knows that if they immediately put the items in cold water to soak before allowing the blood to dry, it will easily come out. Even if she was leaving that morning, she could have filled the sink with water , left them to soak, and let you know. If she was chipper enough when she left to appear normal, I doubt she was in the midst of a medical emergency that required rushing to the doctor or hospital.

[Ben551]

@Sarah977 That is an absolutely brilliant idea!!! I love that approach. We’ll look to add that to our guest book ASAP. Thanks so much for the tip!

PS: I looked into it and I can apply, with identification, at my local pharmacy to buy a small amount of hydrogen peroxide. It won’t be much and there is a limit on the amount I can buy in a month in NZ, so we might need to start stock piling in case we have a larger issue. Plus, it will go into a register of people who bought controlled sunbstances etc. Pharmacy was very helpful and understanding though. They have had this request before.

PPS: update! I looked further and found I can buy online a 3% diluted “food grade” version that is not controlled or restricted!!! Would this be strong enough?

[Mark116]

@Ben551  I just checked our bottle it says 3%.  

[Ben551]

@Mark116  oh perfect!  I'll grab that one then.  The place I'm buying it from is an online retailer overseas who will ship it here.  Not sold in supermarkets or any place... it's weird.  New Zealand is WEIRD! /endrant

[Susan17]

@Sarah0Anyone who lost so much blood during the night that the bed looked like a "murder scene", would undeniably be in need of immediate medical attention, even if it were just a check-up, to rule out any potentially catastrophic internal injuries. 99% of people would be weak as a kitten and unable to function "normally" so soon after such volumetric blood-letting, and regardless of how they presented, a visit to a doctor or ER would be an absolute necessity.  It would take a super-strong human to be "bouncy" in the wake of such massive blood loss as described here, so perhaps she was simply putting a brave front on. 

[Julie143]

Maybe you could request money  in a very businesslike way and not even say what the stain is.

”Please remitt X dollars for damaged mattress.”

You don’t have to use the word stain.  She knows what the damage is.

If I were in her shoes, I’d think I’d prefer this neutral, clinical approach as opposed to “Oh dear, you don’t need to be ashamed of your bodily functions, but kindly send money to replace the things that were stained by your menstrual blood.”

somehow the sympathetic tone makes it more embarrassing, but maybe that’s just me.

[Mark116]

@Julie143  I think you are right, now that you bring it up, a netural tone without going into the details is absolutely best if they decide to proceed with asking for reimbursement.

[Branka-and-Silvia0]

@Ben551

my friend has the same situation with her guest once, she said she thought someone was murdered on the bed and didn't know if she should call the police 😄 Luckily, she had waterproof protector so the mattress was not damaged

waterproof protectors were among the first things we purchased when we started hosting.

As someone else said before, we also don't have expensive bedding and towels, just the cheapest Ikea because it gets stained and has to be replaced often.

Hydrogen peroxide (3-6-9%) is used for hair dye but it's usually in a form of gel and available everywhere. In pharmacy is a pure, clear liquid. I am shocked you can't buy it in NZ

[Kelly149]

This is another one of those things in life where the why? doesn’t really matter. 

Doesnt matter why/how the gear is ruined. 

The what? is the key here. And the what is that you Did have a functional item: bed & linens but now you do Not. And the difference from before to now is the guest. 

There must be solutions for cleaning. Ask a dry cleaners, call the local police station, ask a doctor or a chemist... get a steamer or a cleaning solvent... 

So, yes, (I hope you have pictures!!) ask for reimbursement and then get multiple layers of protection for that new bed!

[Ben551]

@Kelly149@Mark116@Branka-and-Silvia0Hey thanks for all the cleaning tips, they've been great!

Hey, in case other people buy the same waterproof mattress protectors... here are the ones we had on the bed (both together, 2 layers) that utterly failed us:

1. Bottom Layer
2. Top Layer

I think it's safe to say, do not buy these!  We are now ordering some from Amazon, and paying $60 in shipping, since there really aren't many other options to choose from in NZ.

Progress made:

1. Sards Wonder Stain Remover Degreaser has saved both the duvet cover and sheets after 6 applications and an overnight soak.
2. Heavy Duty Shout Gel has saved the Duvet inner and Sheet protectors - it turns out this contains Hydrogen Peroxide!  It was in my wife's "emergency artillery" stash that I'm not allowed to touch 🙂

Then *puffs up chest* I had the bright idea of hiring a rug doctor to see whether we could get the rest of it out of the mattress.  I'm proud to say, I now have a very happy wife and an entirely clean mattress!  It cost me $50 to hire it but I also got to clean our TV watching sofa ( covered in stains from our cats ), so not a bad deal.  In fact, I think I spent more time on our couch than the bed.

To be fair, Wife had worked almost all day on that mattress and had got so much out of it, it was just a wide puddle stain that wasn't lifting out without suction.  The wet vac solved it!

I thought I would share this in case anyone was wondering what would work / could work when it has been soaked right into a mattress. I'm relieved and we feel a little proud of ourselves for not admitting defeat.  We've both worked really hard on this today (10 hours in total now I think).  Worth it though, because neither of us felt good about asking for compensation from the guest.  Great result.

The End.

[Jessica-and-Henry0]

@Ben551

Sounds like you guys went thru a crash course on "how to remove stains" 🙂 

Glad to hear it all worked out.

[Mark116]

@Ben551  We use the plastic/vinyl mattress protectors, and then on top of that are two mattress pads, one very thin and cheap, LOL, and one more plush, the two mattress pads alleviate the issue of people feeling like they're sleeping on vinyl.  

[Kelly149]

@Ben551 so glad you were able to solve this issue and I guess some would say that the occasional "needed lots more cleaning than normal" is just a part of this business.

BUT.... shouldn't human decency recognize that this guest should have compensated you in some way for that 10 hours of extra work and angst?!?

Recently we had a guest inform us at departure (good on them!) that their toddler had colored a chapstick all about the couch. Oh My! Their message said 'let us know if we need to buy you a new couch'. Right attitude so all's well right?

Well, as one who doesn't ever want to take advantage, I stripped the whole couch, began the process of washing all the covers, then put it all back together and it isn't perfect but I wasn't going to charge them for a whole new couch. So, then I send them a message 'good news, I was able to wash all the covers and that has gotten us back to ok with the couch.'

Her response: 'great!'

No thanks so much for your extra effort, or here's $50 for your trouble, Nothing. 

Gobsmacked!!

You just have to hope that this kind of entitled behavior will come back to haunt them at some point in the not too distant future. Oh, and she got a very bland review from me.

[Sarah977]

@Kelly149  I agree that 10 hours of work, that likely wouldn't have been necessary had the guest notified the hosts immediately, before it all dried on there, should be compensated.

I had a housesitter from hell once who emailed to tell me the washing machine wasn't draining about a week before I returned. I told her to stop using it and either wash her clothes by hand or go to the laundromat. When I got back, I tackled the machine, which necessitated taking half the stiuff out of my shed so I could pull the machine out from the wall. Then I first checked the drain hose. It was plugged solid its whole length with dirt, sand and dog hair. I tried flushing it out with a hose, but it was so impacted that I had to use a piece of rebar to loosen it all up. Then I took the filter off the back at the bottom, and 3 gallons of skanky water that had been trapped in there for a week and a half, plus another 3 cups of sand came pouring out, flooding my whole shed floor, so I had to quickly haul other stuff out of there.  Then I had to run the machine through all its cycles twice without any laundry in it to flush out all the rest of the sand and dirt.

When I told the person who had done this why it wasn't draining and what I had to do to remedy it, her response was  "Oh, good thing it wasn't broken."