Need some advice

[Ken-And-Denise0]

We’ve been hosting for 14 months in a small town.  We have a basement apartment in our home.  We are Superhosts and have 71 great reviews.  This week we had a couple staying for 6 nights while in town to see family.  Upon arrival, they asked if we could adjust the apartment temperature to their liking which we immediately did.  At the same time they inquired if their 2 granddaughters could spend the night on one of their booked nights.  We said that would be fine.  We also messaged and told them that if there was anything amiss or there might be something they needed they should message us and we would comply.  Nothing from them.  Crickets.  We noticed that they did not arrive back from family visits on their last night but didn’t think much of it.  When we went to clean the space this morning, we found a handwritten note stating that our queen bed was unusable thus they had to use the trim beds in the other bedroom which forced them to cancel the grandkids sleepover.  The note also stated that they left a day early.  We checked the bed frame on the queen and one of the supporting slats on the frame had slipped.  It would have been an easy fix.  However, they neglected to let us know.  We would have gladly fixed the problem.  I guess  I’m upset because it is something that could have been fixed!  Now I’m sure that if they leave a review st all,  it will not be a good one. Advice?

[Kath9]

@Kelly149, I know, the whole thing was really strange (no, he wasn't the sexy crossword guy, who actually left me a great review). Honestly, I was restrained in my review of this guest, he was simply awful. I think you're spot on though - his came with a set of expectations that weren't met. I work from home (as an editor, with really tight deadlines) but clearly in his mind, working from home musn't 'really' be working. He CONSTANTLY interrupted me (to which I was always polite) and when he realised I wasnt going to stop working just for his entertainment, he would sit at my kitchen table (which is close to my desk) watching American news sites on his laptop at high (but oh so tinny) volume, frequently and loudly burping. FOR FOUR DAYS! I literally did have to stop working several times as I was unable to concentrate, at which point I would sit and engage with him for the rest of the evening. He obviously hadn't read the house rules because he kept asking for things that weren't included (all of which I agreed to, including using my lounge to watch TV, which turned out to be code for falling asleep on my sofa and loudly snoring, effectively ruling out me using my lounge) and then gave me a 2 for accuracy (as well as for value - I'm the cheapest place in town, including the backpackers). As you say, he probably doesn't even realise he has to expand the text to read the full listing. In fact, all three of the bad reviews I've had have been from older people who have failed to read the listing and then expect full run of the house plus a maid and butler.

Anyway, after reading his terrible review of me, I am SO GLAD I left an honest review of him (as I'm always disinclined to leave negative reviews). It is such an anomaly among all his other great reviews as his is among mine. Oh, and thanks for the opportunity to have a rant about this - it's been eating me up for days!

[Kelly149]

@Kath9 Ugh!! Why would you travel to the other side of the world to sit in someone’s kitchen & listen to talking heads?!? Sounds awful. 

its these kinds of wishful thinkers who have formed up my ability to say no to all the things that are out of bounds. And why my post-booking messages are even longer than my listing. 

1. Bc they react to acquiesce with scorn instead of gratitude 2. They either already KNOW that what they’re asking for isn’t included OR they haven’t bothered to inform themselves in which case why would I reward them. 

Like with this guest, you made yourself miserable and he was still a twit about it. 

No good deed goes unpunished, or something. I wonder if some of his great reviews are due to his wife traveling with him...

ABB is this weird Pavlov’s Dog experience where someone (who clearly isn’t a host) decided that being a good host means giving all sorts of extras for free. I, for one, am opting out. 

Sorry you got a dud

[Kath9]

@Kelly149 yes you're right and thanks for the reminder. I get this a lot, people asking for stuff outside the listing and I nearly always (reluctantly) agree. I was punished by him though for asking that he hang his clothes instead of using the dryer (which I wouldn't have had the weather not been so unusually warm and dry). He was overtly rude to me after that. And, yes, I very nearly wrote in my review that perhaps his previous good reviews were more about his wife!  Anyway, I do need to find a polite and diplomatic way of turning down special requests instead of agreeing and then feeling resentful (and often being punished for it anyway). Any ideas welcome!

Hey, sorry to hear you're quitting! Have you just had enough? You will be missed on this forum!

[Kelly149]

@Kath9  we'll never know, but I wonder if he'd have been less annoyed if you'd just said "oh, sorry, no, the washer and dryer aren't included. Past guests have had great experiences at xxx washateria out on Main"

And any guest who plops themself asleep and snoring in a host's living room should be rudely awakened with a vacuum or a new tv channel or melodic chanting and sent off to their rented bedroom for sleep!

When guests get annoyed with how their imagined stay is playing out when they're told no about something, might they go back to read the listing to "prove" their point and then when it says "no lounge, no kitchen, no laundry, ecofriendly" hopefully they tuck their tale and realize their mistake and don't continue to complain

My experience has been that sticking to your guns on what is/isn't allowed/offered is more respected by guests. You just have to be able to say it with conviction in your words that reminds them that you're the owner and there are limited terms to which they're allowed as a guest. In that case, No, is a complete sentence. or there's always 'I'm sorry, no' or 'No, that won't be possible' and in extreme cases 'It seems like you were expecting something else, perhaps you'd like to cut short your stay here and choose something more to your liking.' All of these delivered with a very calm, simple smile.

*And I"m only quitting on giving away things for free. Guests get all that my listing says that they will, but there are no more freebies for the entitled 'I want to come early, stay late, be messy and bring extra people' types. 🙂

[Sarah977]

@Kelly149  There's a term for those kind of people- they're called "magical thinkers". Quite often they prefer to think of themselves as "positive" and "optimistic" and if you point out that what they imagine will happen is not actually practical reality, they will accuse you of being "negative".

[Kath9]

@Sarah977, good one. Magical thinkers indeed. Do you know what he left in his private feedback? 'Your Buddha pennant in the bathroom is appropriate. It's going down the drain with the rest of your good intentions'. I bent over backwards for this guy! And they say it's the youth who are entitled...not in my experience as a host...

[Sarah977]

@Kath9  Wow. It's just unbelievable that people like that guest would consider themselves fit to impose themselves in other's homes. So glad you gave him the review he deserved.

At the risk of dated myself, when I was growing up, and even when I was raising my kids, every kid knew what the "Golden Rule" meant, it was drilled into us. It seems to have gone the way of the dodo, but this guy wasn't even young- he must have been watching TV at full volume when his mother was blithering something about "do unto others.....". 

[Sarah977]

@Kath9  Well my suggestion for declining special treatment or asking that a guest do something like use the clothesline instead of the dryer when it's beautifully sunny and breezy is generally a stab at humor and friendly banter, but I know that doesn't come fluidly to a lot of people. 

"Seriously, dude? Look how beautiful it is outside. You'd really rather your clothes smelled like the inside of a dryer rather than fresh air? Haven't you ever used a clothesline before? I swear, once you do, you'll never go back. Betcha $3. C'mon, I'll show you where the clothespins are."

[Anonymous]

@Kath9   There's no sentence I find more common in horror stories from in-home hosts than: "I bent over backwards." The takeaway is pretty clear to me:  STOP BENDING OVER BACKWARDS.  

It may feel like a nice thing to do, but in reality it's only self-defeating. What happens when you bend over backwards for a guest? You break your back, while the guest mistakes you for a natural contortionist and expects repeat performances. In the end it's inevitable that you'll both be unhappy.

There's nothing impolite about saying no, being clear about your boundaries, and asserting your right to be comfortable in your own home and work in peace. But it's most effective to establish this early on - even if it means asking the guest to review your listing to make sure you're on the same page about what is included.

[Kath9]

@Anonymous yes you're right. It's been a lifelong struggle and I'm a bit of a slow learner. I like your analogy! I'll remember that one. And hey, who would have thought that Airbnb hosting could be an opportunity for personal growth, but I'm learning. Thanks for your wise words as always 🙂