Anyone for a spot of comedy!

[Robin4]

With all the doom and gloom here lately on the CC I would love to lighten the mood, take a bit of pressure off the moderators and possibly stir up a laugh!

For 16 years my eldest daughter, Sarah lived in an apartment on Blair Street in Bondi, a beachside suburb of Sydney. She lived in an old 3 floor apartment block of which there were hundreds built in the 50's when there was massive migration to Australia from England and Europe. These building are of an age that the honeymoon period for maintenance had certainly expired, and they are all in a similar state of dilapidation. Sydney residents will know exactly what I am talking about!

I would visit Sarah 3 times a year and stay in a spare room in this apartment of hers on the first floor. I got sick of fighting with a broken old toilet seat in her bathroom each time that nature called, so I told her, on my next visit over I would bring a brand new 'soft close' replacement.....one left over from our own bathroom reno's here.

Two months later I was packing my case for the next visit and, true to my word, wishing to keep my number of articles to a minimum, I packed in with my clothes the new soft close toilet seat!

I arrived at the security scanner at the airport and put my bag and other belongings on the Xray scanner belt, walked through the passenger scanning device and waited on the other side. My bag disappeared into the scanning machine, started to make an appearance and then back-tracked into the machine again. The machine operator called over another staff member and for around 20 seconds they studied the image on their Xray screen.

The bag came out of the scanner and a security officer grabbed it and when he had established who owned the bag motioned me to join him at another bench. There we were, he one side and me the other.....as he was opening the case he again asked if it was my case and if I had personally packed it. I assured him it was my case and I indeed packed it unaided!

He rifled through the contents until he came to.......'the seat'! We looked at it for a few seconds and he looked at me, obviously waiting for an explanation. I stared him in the eye and said...."I have very clean habits. I wouldn't travel without it"!

He had this perplexed look on his face that told me all the security training he had received had not prepared him for this moment, so after a few seconds I put him out of his misery and told him why it was there in my bag. 

We had a laugh, he pulled it out of my case, held it aloft studying it carefully so all his colleagues could observe what was happening, decided it wasn't going to bring down an aircraft, we repacked my bag and I went to board the plane.

*

I was sitting there in my window seat staring down as we flew high across the Hay Plains and I suddenly had a chuckle! I could just imagine this security guard knocking off for the day going home and as the family was seated around the dinner table he would say......"I will give 10 bucks to first person who can guess what I found in a passengers luggage today"!!   boom boom.

Cheers........Rob

I would love some others to come on board with their funny stories!

[Lorna170]

@Robin4  We have a property that is acres of woods that my husband has cut a nice walking trail in for the guests who  have pets or just want an easy hike with great views.

Two weeks ago we had (young) guests who expressed an interest in hiking the property.  We told them where the trail started and that it was about a 30 minute walk to the top of our property.  We advised them to stay on the trail and to turn around at "the big rock with 360 degree views".

We later learned that our guests got lost when the trail ended...they did not know what to do, so they kept going through the woods (on our neighbors property) until they came to a gravel driveway that took them to a paved road...2 miles away and a good long walk back.  

It would have been better if they had just turned around at the big rock.  It's a really big rock.

[Robin4]

@Lorna170 

Good one Lorna!

I love my wife Ade to bits, but gee she can be something of a handful. She takes a lot of looking after these days and after a few drinks she tends to get her tongue wagging before she gets her brain into gear!

At a party once we were introduced to a couple we hadn't met before, and in an endeavour to make conversation Ade said....."When is the baby due", to which the woman replied...."I am not pregnant'!

Sort of doesn't leave you anywhere to retreat to, does it?

We have a neighbour who you could say is not exactly 'house proud'. His front yard is full of bits of timber,  the odd car tyre, and old trailer and garbage bins and the back yard is just long grass. They are a nice enough couple but, don't sweat the small stuff. Bill recently did a little bit of work around the outside of his house and while we were having a late afternoon drink Bill said...."Yeah the place looked like a bit of of a tip so I have been doing a bit to it lately".......and Ade piped up "It still looks like a bit of a tip Bill"!!

Cheers.........Rob

[Laurelle3]

@Robin4 thanks for the humour and Ade's contribution. Take care

[Robin4]

@Laurelle3 

Maybe this is not the right time but, the hosting community is 'angrier' than I have ever seen it in the 6 years I have been here! It has even influenced me to the point where, looking back on the past month, all my posts have been aggressive posts.....critical of the company, and possibly seen as critical of the community centre to the point where even our long standing moderator @Quincy  has questioned my loyalty to the protocols of the CC.

I want nothing but the best for all of us which, in turn helps the company!

I felt that by injecting a bit of humour into the hosting arena I could lift our spirits a bit. I was hoping we could get a laugh out of other hosts funny experiences, but, this thread is turning out to be something  of a 'lead balloon'....an embarrassment to what I had hoped for, so Laurelle, thanks for your comments but lets move on hey mate!  

Cheers........Rob

[Jenny]

Thanks for posting this thread @Robin4 - you've given me a chuckle!

Last year for Father's day, I wanted to get my Dad a new squirrel feeder, as he's big on watching the wildlife in the garden.  I thought it was awesome as it was made out of wood and shaped like a piano, and could be hung from a fence.  

I sent Mum a photo of the feeder with a demonstrative squirrel sitting on it, and to say she was underwhelmed was understating things.  She was just like "oh that's nice dear but you should probably just get him a book token and some chocolates".

I was gutted.  I had been so excited about the feeder, but I did as she said, as I know he loves a Terry Pratchett book and Baileys chocolate.

After a month or two, I brought it up to her, and said I had been a bit disappointed because I thought Dad would have loved to see the squirrels using a little wooden piano!

Imagine my response when she replied that she thought that I had been planning to buy him a picture of the squirrel on the feeder - rather than the feeder itself!  I haven't let her live it down yet!  

[Robin4]

@Jenny 

Oh Jenny, a picture is worth a thousand words, your mum must have remember that!

Nothing is worse than having a great idea deflated by someone close to you.

My youngest daughter Kate has two girls. The youngest one, Ivy is 6 years old and is mischief personified. Just have a look at this face and you will see what I mean......

About a month ago Kate had been out doing some gardening, it was a hot day and she looked considerably less than 'elegant' as she walked inside.

Ivy went up to her and studied her for a moment and said...."Mummy, you look like a home made person"!

I think I have been looking like a home made person for most of my life!

Cheers........Rob

[Danielle603]

@Jenny 

I had the similar experience with my dad.

When I received my first "real" salary, I wanted to offer him a very nice present. I knew he was fascinated by a special Swiss watch (we live in Switzerland), which was actually quite expensive and above my price limit. But he knew somebody working in the factory, and could get very interesting discount.

So, I asked him to order the watch, pretending I wanted to offer it to my boyfriend. He did it. Unfortunately, the watch wasn't ready for his birthday, so I went in a jewelry and asked for the catalogue presenting the watch so that I would have a teaser for his birthday present.

On the D-Day, I was so proud to give him the catalogue. He looked at me, not sure if he had to be sad or offended. I could read in his eyes "you offer the watch to your boyfriend, and I only get the catalogue!". Hopefully, I was there, and could explain him that the watch was indeed for him... It took me time to convince him that the watch was for him... and a few weeks later he proudly showed me his new watch.

[Jenny]

I was reading another post about reclining chairs, which reminded me of a funny story about my Mum, so I thought I'd pop over here and share it!

My Mum is only 4'11" so I've spent much of my life getting things down from cupboards, losing her behind shop displays, stuff like that.

She used to have a comfy leather electric recliner for relaxing in while she read, and had a glass of wine or gin (or sometimes one after the other!).

One night we were texting each other about what we were up to, and there was a terrible storm in the area, and storms here always lead to the electricity cutting out for a few hours.  She went quiet and didn't text for about half an hour, and it turned out that there was a power cut at her house while she was sitting reading and she had her electric reclining chair at full extension!  What's more, she was stuck on it, because she was too short to climb off!  To make things worse, Dad was away giving a history talk and unable to assist.

I'd love to say I was sympathetic and tried to find a solution, but I'm afraid that I laughed and laughed and laughed, at the thought of my tiny Mum stuck on the recliner until the power came back on.  To be fair, I live about 20 miles away and was not able to get to her.  

Thankfully she'd only recently refilled her glass, and could use her phone as a torch, so there she reclined until my Dad got home an hour or two later.

The electric recliner is now in my living room, because at 5'7" I can get out of the chair in the event of a power cut 🤣