Can't help feeling despondent at times as a host

[Isabelle3]

Feeling slightly low after a very ordinary guest review when I went well above expectations, offering my best 25 years australian wine, lending best books, cooking, laundering, showering kids with gifts.... Yey amongst all my 5 stars ratings these the guests gave me 4 stars.  

You think you've made friends but it's fleeting and this experience pulls me down.  There is no pleasing some people and I feel this rating particularly harsh in the circumstances.  Sorry, I know I probably invest too much emotionally and pride wise.  🙂 for me it's much more than business, I give it my all.  

Does anyone else feel the sting of unfairness at times?  Ratings are all very well but so subjectives

[Helga0]

@Constanza ( Connie ), that seems an extreme view. If a guest wants absolute privacy, he has to book a whole flat. Or better still, a house. In a densely populated city, you will always risk to hear some neighbors.

Respect is evidently needed, but on both sides. If you book a room in an apartment, you can't expect that the host will put his life on hold and tiptoe around in his own home. 

If they book a shared space, most guests want the company. My last two guests were actually disappointed when I spent the night outside 😉 I had tought it an upgrade to let them use the wole apartment, but no, they came also for the company. Or at least a presence, even whilst skyping with the girlfriend...

Sometimes I have friends or neighbors in the atelier or in the garden and most guests are happy to be invited to share a chat and eat a meal in company. 

You can't exclude that you'll get a guest who wants absolute privacy, that's a pity then - for them. I would not feel guilty about laughing in my apartment. I'd even say, when you reach a point that you think it is normal to efface yourself totally for strangers who want to stay somewhere cheaper then in a hotel room, but don't approve of you, then you have a big problem. It's a very short way to burnout. 

[Kelly3]

@Helga0 @Constanza ( Connie )

I think it is pretty simple - if you book a whole house listing, you will get the privacy of whole house. If you book a private room, you get a room all to yourself. Common area is shared - meaning there is a possibility of you seeing other people when you are there.

[Maryam-Al-Fakheer0]

@Kelly3 Yes, you are right. It is pretty simple. However there are still people with different mindset. For example:  I rent out two rooms in my apartment. It happened that 4 persons (group of friends) booked both rooms, thinking they had the entire apartment to themselves. I have two sittingrooms, one for my guests and one is my private sitting room. But still when those 4 guests found out that I was also living in this same apartment their faces dropped and their mood changed instantly. From that point on they used me as their Personal Assistant and not a kind word has been spoken to me. After the dinner I served them, I brought them tea and local sweets as hospitality. Guess what... they were offended !  

This happened in my beginning months of hosting. I would not accept this behavior again. 

As having two sitting rooms in my apartment I often offer my guests to sit with me in my private sitting room if they wish for company. But then they do ask/expect you serve them with coffee, tea, sweets and or snacks. And nobody ask if there is a fee or even say a simple thank you.  At a hotel you even have to pay for a glass of water. I wonder why people expect that in an airbnb home everything is for free?

[Isabelle3]

I wish (and have asked many times to AirBnB the creation of a new category as my property is neither a Private Room nor an Entire House, rather an independent apartement with a shared kitchen and dining room with me.  I understand the issue, more and more hosts asvertise holiday rentals on AirBnB and although it's very clearly stated on my listing that I live onsite - people jaws drop in disapointement as they DO NOT READ the listings descriptions.  I am going to start a onversation about this issue.

[Kelly3]

@Isabelle3 I am assuming that your listing has a private entrance without going into your private area (guests only walk the public shared area before they enter the listing), right?

In that case, your listing would be an entire home, with no kitchen as amenity. I think technically you can mark kitchen as one of your amenities, but to minimize the confusion and over-expectation, it would be better to mark it off.

They certainly get an entire house listing all to themselves, but if they want to use a kitchen which you didn't list as their listing's amenity, they need to use the shared kitchen and dining room, which they will think of as a bonus.

[Helga0]

@Maryam Al Fakheer, if I offer more than is on the listing offer, I do this because in this moment they are guests to me, in the traditional sense, not paying customers. If they stay at the level of customers, I don't offer a thing, they then have to ask and refund or buy their own.

I offer tea, coffee, water, a glass of wine and a few chocolates with coffee or a few olives or nuts with the wine to absolutely every person who stays more than 2 minutes. Including delivery guys who have to install a thing and evidently to guests upon arrival. I would be offended if someone offered money for that. - so yes, I think if you invite them into your sitting room, they will feel "invited" as a special favour and sign that you like them.

When I cook a meal and offer to share with a tired guest who just arrived after a long trip or workday, some refuse (already had dinner / bought my own but may I share you at table to eat it in company / never eat at night). Most are happy and ask if they can contribute and even if say no, head out to get bread, wine or dessert or find a gift in their bags.
That is also a social norm in Europe, but Asians and others understand that as well. Maybe half of Americans do that, the other half just say thank you and provide entertainment and stories. That means they still see me as a host and a person not a maid.

I suppose if I wanted money for a meal, I'd say so when offering to cook, maybe in the morning after discussing their plans for the day "i thought about cooking xy tonight. Would that interest you? ... I can buy more if you wish to share and we split costs. .. For the dish and the drinks that would be x Euros. Or we could treat outselves to another dish at xx Euros or stay modest with a third dish at y Euros."
That's a pirouette to stay in the friends relation and still get money, but it works only for cost refund.

If you wish the service to be profitable, you can't have if both ways, be paid as a hotel serving extras and be considered the honored host. In this case, be very clear and write a menu, what can be had and what does it cost. And serve that only in the guest sitting room.

I think your problems come from mixed signals. The guests simply don't understand what you want, so in doubt, they go the easy way, take the understandable offer that suits them and ignore the rest. Unfortunately the rest being your demands for compensation by acknowledgement of your person AND payment without being asked.

[Maryam-Al-Fakheer0]

@Helga0  I understand what you say, Helga.  And I do offer them coffee or tea or soft drinks when they join me in my private sitting room, but once offered.... some guests continue to ask for more and more. And I feel shy and even cornered to tell them there's a fee. 

I only invite them to join me in my private sitting room as hospitality... to be kind. I am not lonely or bored myself, but wish for all my guests to have a good time. They get all my attention, a lot of my time, etc. Hospitality tea on arrival (traditional), etc. 

I think it is also stated in my listings... coffee at extra fee, etc.  But hey... nobody reads, or don't care. 

Many bottles of mineral bottles just taken out of the fridge. Bluntly ask for it or even just take it in middle of the night, but not a single word about possible costs.

It might sound silly to you, but here most people don't ever buy a pot of coffee in the village as people simply can not afford it.

I guess this is one of the big differences from West... the poverty people overlook.  Working here for nickles and dimes. 

B.t.w. offering alcolic drinks is just not an option for obvious reasons.

[Isabelle3]

Maryan,

In the Blue Mountains, NSW, Australia, our Council does not allow us to cook kfor guests to differientiate us from B&Bs

[Robin4]

@Isabelle3 Gee Isabelle...I have not heard of that before! My council put all sorts of restrictions on how I could list this property but there has been absolutely no mention of food preparartion and if guest could be served my food. As the food is not being charged for I cannot imagine any council placing restrictions of any sort on it. It is the same as entertaining friends and inviting them for a meal!!! You certainly would not be contravening and council by-laws by doing that.

I would be very interested to see any council regulation that says that...Cheers.....Rob

[Kara1]

Here in North Dakota, we also are not allowed to cook for our guests if we are a 'Guest Inn' as I am and not a B&B.  They can bring or cook whatever they want for themselves.  If we hit it off well and it is 4 people or more or they are staying more than one day, I will offer to buy eggs, bread, juice, etc.  I always have a large assortment of coffees and teas available for them to use as well as a large 'flip' waffle maker (like most hotels here have) and 2 or 3 flavors of pancake/waffle mix if they would like to make those for themselves.

I do often 'cheat' and have a plate of cookies, bars, biscotti, something for a snack when they arrive.  I don't consider that 'cooking for them' if I made a pan for my family, it's easy to share some.

[Kara1]

@Helga0   @Maryam-Al-Fakheer0

Just tonight on another site I saw this on a listing.  I may add something similar.

"Special Requests are subject to availability and additional charges may apply."

[Lucille-and-Alan0]

If I'm having friends over. I let my guests know and invite them to join us for a glass of wine or somrthing. Some do some don't,  But the gesture smoothes the way. It's impossible to get perfect reviews all the time, that's reality when working ithe humans. We have to just love all of those people who really enjoyed staying with us and accept that there are a few who can never be completely content.

I've had some strange comments as well some are useful and some are not. When someone complained about a squeaky door we paid attention and oiled it.  When someone said we shuld have offered breakfast, I ignored it. We don't offer breakfast  (they can bring something tgo eat or cook up a full English if they choose but I'm not doing it.) 

[Carolyn5]

Aww - happened to me. I am so fussy and empathetic with everyone who stays - I do so much extra without complaining, yet just as I was set to get Super Host status with 5 stars for everything I got 2 low ratings for location, of all things. Nothing I can do about it, yet ALL my guests have said how lovely the property is and how central we are to tourism. Some people just like to complain, maybe looking for a discount?  Now I have to start again. I have learned to get over it. It's their problem. Just enjoy the genuine and friendly people you usually host  ☺

[Teri--And-Aaron-0]

At the start, a couple of years ago, I was a very keen host. Perfect cleanliness Then I hurt my leg, and after I hosted one man from Holland, while I WAS IN CRUTCHES.....he marked down my cleanliness..........

AirBNB has made me cynical about the entire human race....

But then I think about C from China, or C from France, or M, from France, or P from Scotland......................or I from Israel....

[Teri--And-Aaron-0]

I know how you feel. I will be throwing it in. People expect all kinds of magic, for so little dollars, that's the thing.

It feels like a violation to me now.

Earlier this week I loaned the current guest my shoes, drove them to the shops, cooked them a meal (for which they didn't thank me and to which they brought a bottle of wine - FOR THEMSELVES), gave them cough medicine earlier in the week, and then I ask them to check out one hour early so I can have a pest controller in to remove the ants congregating around the honey spills on the kitchen, that they left while they were HOME ALONE, and i get serious attitude.....