How will I know if my guest is a pedophile?

[Sharmini5]

An Airbnb verified guest recently booked my apartment for two. The man seemed to be in his mid to late 40s. The other was a young girl who couldn't be more than 15 years old. The man didn't introduce the young shy looking child to me. Hence I was not sure what the relationship between the two was. I assumed she was a child-bride since I have only one king bed in my apartment.

It was only when he much later referred to the young girl as "my child", I realised she was not his child-bride. 

I'm not a prude but I was quite perturbed that a middle-aged father was sharing the same bed with his very young teenaged daughter.

The relationship between this 'father' and 'his child' may have been an innocent one but, but also not.

My question is, was she really his daughter? Could he be a pedophile? How can a Host know if the child guest is truly his child or not?

Airbnb's Nondiscrimination Policy states that hosts may not impose any different terms or conditions or decline a reservation based on the guest's age or familial status, where prohibited by law.

I have specified in my listing that my premises is not suitable for children. Currently, Airbnb's definition of a child is, age 2 - 12 years old. This means a child between 12 - 18 is not regarded as a 'child'. 

I strongly suggest this to be changed to, age 2 - 18 years old if the child or children are accompanied by a single adult. This will help vigilant Hosts like myself.

[Anonymous]

@Sharmini5   I've been surprised by the number of adult visitors I've hosted in the guestroom over the years that were happy to share a smaller bed (140x200 cm) with a parent or sibling. The one that made me feel a bit ill at ease was similar to yours - a middle-aged male with a shy teenage girl whom he introduced as his daughter. I witnessed nothing to suggest that any abuse was occurring, but to this day I don't understand why the dad didn't choose a place with two beds.

As far as your situation is concerned, there's no easy answer. As the host, you're in no position to demand proof of the guests' family relationship or check up on what's happening in the bed. We can't say for certain that your guest isn't a pedophile, but the same goes for literally any person.

In the future, you can protect yourself by requiring all guests to have verified ID, requiring in the listing that both guests in every group register their full names when booking and disclose that they must present ID on arrival, prohibit unregistered visitors in your House Rules, and install external CCTV to ensure that this rule is being followed.  That might at least deter people intending to use the home for sex-trafficking (which unfortunately has been known to happen with Airbnb rentals).

I don't know how much they really do, but you can also contact the Sri Lankan child protection authority to see if they have any further guidance: https://www.hithawathi.lk/how-to-get-help/child-hotline/

[Sharmini5]

Thank you for sharing your experience and advice, Andrew. I have been an Airbnb Host only since June last year and still on a learning curve. 

Under Policies & Rules in my listing, I added 'One child between the age 12 - 18 is permitted. The child must be accompanied by a legal parent'.

I'm not sure if I should be more specific without crossing the redline. 

[Anonymous]

@Sharmini5   I'm not sure would make a difference. The majority of your guests appear to be foreign travelers, whose private documents you're not really qualified to validate. They will have had to show passports to enter Sri Lanka, and of course you may ask future guests to present those at check-in (if disclosed in the listing), but a passport doesn't tell you whether the adult is the "legal parent" of the child. And there's no reason that a teenager couldn't be legitimately accompanied by a step-parent, grandparent, uncle, sibling or other family member with a different surname on their journey.  

As for the pedophilia concerns...well, sorry to get horribly dark here, but child abuse is likeliest to be perpetrated by a parent or close family member anyway. Definitely contact the appropriate authorities if a child reports to you that they're being abused, or you encounter genuine evidence of it. But when the only thing you know is that an adult and young-looking person are sharing a bed, there just isn't any actionable evidence.

If concerns about what might be going on between your guests weigh on you too heavily, another solution would be to rent exclusively to solo guests. It's a smaller market, but plenty of people enjoy traveling alone and having an apartment to themselves.

[Deborah1163]

As a survivor of sexual assault when I was a child, I Thank you for your awareness, your concerns, and your words. Maybe someone will listen and change the guidelines.

[Robbie54]

Some of these titles really do need vetting lol 

[Sharmini5]

How would you title a topic such as this?

[Robbie54]

@Sharmini5 I wouldn't. 

[Helen3]

I can't agree @Robbie54  this is an important issue to raise . Sadly there will be situations where a host maybe uncomfortable with a guest who has booked either because of concerns about child abuse or say their listing being used for prostitution. 

as responsible business owners we should be vetting our guests and where we have legitimate concerns about trafficking or abuse raising them . 

@Sharmini5  how do you vet your guests? . I ask about relationships  between guests and plans for their stay . This will help you determine whether their might be concerns.

i agree that it would not be considered normal for a middle aged man to share a bed with a young teenager in many countries. In some sadly you do have cases of child marriages.  

if you have concerns that the guest can't allieviate then you should contact your child protection services . 

[Sharmini5]

@Helen3, I have no way of vetting guests. But, as a precaution, I have stated 'No Children' in my listing. But Airbnb's definition of a child is only from 2 - 12 years old. 

This particular guest was not from a culture where child marriages are permitted. Also, he kept referring to this timid young girl as "my child" and never as "my daughter".

Since this incident, I have stated under Under Policies & Rules in my listing, 'One child between the age 12 - 18 is permitted'. The child must be accompanied by a legal parent'. However, as @Anonymous says above, this may not be sufficient to deter a pedophile. 

Airbnb's Nondiscrimination Policy which states that "hosts may not impose any different terms or conditions or decline a reservation based on the guest's age or familial status", also doesn't help.

Involving the Child Protection authorities in my country means involving the police too. This could result in my having to shutdown my Airbnb facility.

[Sarah977]

@Sharmini5  What do you mean you have no way of vetting guests? Hosts vet guests by reading any reviews they might have and messaging with them. You communicate with guests when they want to book, ask any questions that might set your mind at ease (like who will you be travelling with), be aware of red flags- guests who don't answer your questions or respond at all, poor communicators, what feels like evasiveness, guests asking for you to bend or break their rules for you, or asking for discounts.

[Sharmini5]

@Sarah977, during my 8 months as an Airbnb Host, I have realised that vetting guests through their reviews is not a dependable way to go. 

For instance,  this particular guest had only 3 reviews, all positive and a 5-star rating. One review stated, "I'm delighted that I got to host XXXX and his daughter and would be glad to host them again :)".  Another, "XXXX and his family were great guests! Very neat, clean and respectful of our condo. I highly recommend them to all hosts!". the 3rd review stated, "Very good people, respectful and calm. We hope they come back soon. Thanks for your visit."

My review of this guest was honest, hence not very positive as he broke all my House Rules and almost set my apartment on fire. He was also extremely irresponsible,  arrogant and condescending.

Communicating with him via Airbnb messages was extremely frustrating even before he arrived. He didn't seem to read any of my messages or ignored them. 

I also have 'Instant Booking' switched on. I'm now wondering if this is wise.

[Sarah977]

@Sharmini5  I agree that star ratings are not informative, as they are entirely subjective. What might be a 5* guest to me might be a 3* guest to you. And we have no explanation of why a certain rating was left. 

The written reviews are more informative, but yes, there seems to be sometimes a big discrepancy in another host's experience with a guest, and ours. One thing I've become aware of is that some hosts never meet or communicate much with their guests- they use Instant Book, have self-check in and as long as the guest didn't damage anything, they get a generic "Great guests!" review. When I see very brief, not particularly informative reviews (that don't mention whether the guest left the place clean, were great communicators, followed house rules, etc), I click on the profile of the host who left the review. Then I click on the various guests' profile photos who left that host a review.

Which brings me to that guest's profile page, where I can see the review the host left for them. What I've seen is that the host has left "Great guests!" for all his guests. So I dismiss that host's review of the guest who is booking with me. 

That first, and perhaps also the second review you quoted sound like they might be those generic reviews that remote hosts leave for all their guests.

It also sounds like 2 of them involved others- "the family". So maybe when his wife or his sister or mom is with him, there's a mitigating influence and he doesn't behave like a jerk. And the women made sure the place was left clean. Or the past hosts he dealt with were male and he's a misogynist who bristles at being answerable to a woman being in charge.

[Anonymous]

@Sharmini5  Airbnb has no authority to force you to accept a reservation you're uncomfortable with. To avoid running afoul of the nondiscrimination policy, choose your words carefully when declining a booking. My post above detailed other tools at your disposal to keep some control over who can access your property.

Once again, you are in a position to take guests' ID details when they check in. This can at least remove the cover of anonymity that someone might use to commit a crime in your home. But your role as an offsite host doesn't really qualify you to judge what your guests' private sexual urges are, or what might be going on in the bedroom. Of course if it comes to your attention that a child is in danger, you'll put aside your concerns about Airbnb profits to protect that child. Only a total monster would do otherwise. But if vague suspicions are causing you this much distress, I don't see any better option than to limit your rental to 1 guest at a time, no visitors. 

[Sharmini5]

@Anonymous, this particular guest made the booking for 2. In the past, bookings made for 2 have either comprised married couples or adult partners. Therefore I assumed this booking too was for 2 adults. It was only when they arrived that I realised that the second guest was an adolescent. 

The young girl seemed timid but not frightened. I also didn't see or hear (I live in the ground-floor apartment) any signs of abuse.

Had there been any visible or audible abuse, I would definitely have informed Airbnb and the local police. But, there was none.

I also have specifically mentioned 'No Visitors' and 'No events or parties' in my listing.