How will I know if my guest is a pedophile?

[Sharmini5]

An Airbnb verified guest recently booked my apartment for two. The man seemed to be in his mid to late 40s. The other was a young girl who couldn't be more than 15 years old. The man didn't introduce the young shy looking child to me. Hence I was not sure what the relationship between the two was. I assumed she was a child-bride since I have only one king bed in my apartment.

It was only when he much later referred to the young girl as "my child", I realised she was not his child-bride. 

I'm not a prude but I was quite perturbed that a middle-aged father was sharing the same bed with his very young teenaged daughter.

The relationship between this 'father' and 'his child' may have been an innocent one but, but also not.

My question is, was she really his daughter? Could he be a pedophile? How can a Host know if the child guest is truly his child or not?

Airbnb's Nondiscrimination Policy states that hosts may not impose any different terms or conditions or decline a reservation based on the guest's age or familial status, where prohibited by law.

I have specified in my listing that my premises is not suitable for children. Currently, Airbnb's definition of a child is, age 2 - 12 years old. This means a child between 12 - 18 is not regarded as a 'child'. 

I strongly suggest this to be changed to, age 2 - 18 years old if the child or children are accompanied by a single adult. This will help vigilant Hosts like myself.

[Sarah977]

@Robbie54  What? You think such things shouldn't be discussed? Why not? 

As someone who raised 3 daughters, and knows several women (and a couple of men) who suffered sexual abuse as children from close relatives, I appreciate that a host would care to ask for input on this. 

Who "should" share a bed isn't any of a host's business to judge, but being aware and alert to signs of sex trafficking or abuse is important.

[Robbie54]

I agree with you @Sarah977 , however I was referring to this particular issue that the op raised,  I wouldn't have posted anything about it because it was innocent.  Like you said, it isn't a hosts business to judge who shares a bed, and if her guest didn't happen to mention the girl was "my child" (there was no context to this so I'm assuming it was casually mentioned) the host was already willing to put 2 and 2 together which would have come up with the wrong answer, all because a girl shared a bed with her father in a 1 bed place. 

Yes be alert, but be sensible and careful with it. 

[Sarah977]

@Robbie54  Thanks for explaining. 

To a lot of people in the world, a king size bed would appear to be large enough for a family of 6 to share. And they would. 

[Robbie54]

@Sarah977 exactly. My worry would be false accusations, including but not subject solely to pedophilia. There are many cases where lives are ruined because of these types of accusations. Remember, this is a public forum and for all we know this particular guest could have read what the op wrote, another reason why I wouldn't have posted it. 

Conversation and debate is good, personally I wouldn't have built it around the op's innocent guests 🙂 

[Anonymous]

@Robbie54 @Sharmini5  Topics that might be too sensitive for general public reading can be directed (or relocated by the moderators, on request) to the Host Circle board, which is only accessible to members with host accounts.

To expose the guest's identity in this context would be defamatory, and potentially very harmful to everyone involved. But it's a very normal use of this forum, to seek advice on whether an unnamed guest's behavior is suspicious, and what the host is supposed to do if it is. There are anonymous hotlines to seek advice on child abuse issues (as I already linked) but I don't think there are any that offer qualified advice specific to hosting a guesthouse.

[Sharmini5]

@Robbies54, how sure are you that this middle aged man sharing a bed with an adolescent girl in my apartment was "innocent"? Forgive me if I have misunderstood you, but I get the impression that you don't see anything wrong in such behavior despite paedophilia having become a real danger to young children. It may not matter much to you but it certainly matters to me as a respobsible global citizen.

[Anonymous]

@Sharmini5  Nobody expressed any sureness of anything here, but we do have this concept of "innocent until proven guilty." 

Perhaps you feel that there are some situations where it's inherently wrong for two people to occupy the same bed, even if no sexual abuse is occurring (two average-sized people can share a king-size bed without even making physical contact). Plenty of people have this bias, whether it's based on the ages, relationship status, or genders. There are plenty of people who would never tolerate my husband and I sharing a bed in their homes, even though we're both obviously consenting adults.

But projecting wrongdoing based solely on the sleeping arrangement being different from our cultural norms is not compatible with hospitality, and being a "responsible global citizen" does not oblige you to police other people's personal lives. 

[Sarah977]

@Sharmini5  No, you can't make assumptions because two people share a bed simply based on your own ideas of what is proper. Something may be uncommon, but it doesn't follow that that makes it suspicious or wrong.

I have a close friend who has 3 kids, all grown now, and she and her kids used to read novels and other books out loud to each other- it was a family activity they all enjoyed. Sometimes they'd all be on the sofa together or someone's bed. Her son (as well as her daughters) liked to lay in bed with mom while she read out loud to him, right up until he graduated from high school. And would often just fall asleep there, too lazy to rouse himself to go up to his own room.

It might not have been common for a 17 year boy to be asleep with mom in her bed, but there was certainly nothing weird or alarming about it.

And, as Andrew pointed out, two average sized people can share a King Size bed quite comfortably without ever touching each other. In some cultures, they would think nothing of 4 people sharing a King size bed. 

Beds are primarily designed for sleeping. And improper sexual liasons don't require a bed.

[Sharmini5]

@Sarah977 @Anonymous , my country is regarded as a "Pedophiles' Paradises'/pedophile's pleasure centre." etc.

"International and local tourists come to popular hotspots in Sri Lanka for child sex tourism. Sri Lanka is known as  a pedophile paradise in the Western world and tourists travel to Sri Lanka to solicit children for sexual purposes. " https://groundviews.org/2021/06/12/hidden-and-discounted-child-labour-in-tea-and-tourism/

Given the above, we in Sri Lanka need to be extra cautious regards who we accommodate in our premises. 

Policing other people's personal lives is definitely not my business, but, when I have suspicions of something being amiss with a guest who is staying under my roof, I have every right to be concerned.

As I have mentioned before, I have been Hosting on Airbnb only for 8 months. As it's an entirely new experience for me, I shall greatly appreciate it if you don't judge me and make me look like the guilty party as my only concern here is for the child.

Given Sri Lanka's reputation for being a "Pedophiles' Paradises", I need to be extra cautious as I too could be considered an accessory to an illegal activity.

If Airbnb's nondiscrimination policy permits me to limit my guests to 18 years and above,  I will have no further cause for concern.

[Sarah977]

@Sharmini5  I certainly didn't say anything to paint you as a guilty party. We have just been making the point that people sharing a bed, regardless of their sex or age, is not the defining way to judge whether there is some illegal activity going on.

As suggested, if this is something that is going to be an ongoing issue and worry for you, you could list for one guest only. Or, although I couldn't see in your listing an indication of whether your listing is attached to your own home, (maybe you have made that clear somewhere) I sort of had the impression it is- if so, you could somehow rearrange things so that are some "shared spaces" and list it as a suite rather than an entire home. It could even be a backyard shared patio, maybe. As a shared space host, you could then specify female guests only. 

And if you do live there, another thing that might work for you is to put wording prominently in your description that says, "Please note- this is an owner-occupied property. The suite is a separate, self-contained space attached to my home."

People who are intending to use a property for illegal or nefarious purposes tend not to book where they know the host lives right there.

[Sharmini5]

@Sarah977 thank you for your suggestion. Deeply appreciate it.