My first negative experience - Communication

[Michelle140]

This is my 9th guest coming tonight (it's 9:40pm), and it's the first time I've felt some dread. She's booked my room (not the whole house) for a lengthy 33 days, which is a long time to be stuck with a housemate you don't get along with. I don't think she knows what airbnb is supposed to be.

Her first message indicated that she preferred to be left alone unless someone is bleeding or the house is on fire (literally said that). I tried to ask her this afternoon around when she expected to check-in and all she said was it could be anywhere from 6pm to 6am. I responded to keep me updated, as communication is a part of airbnb. I have not heard anything, and like I said, it's now almost 10pm, and I have ZERO clue what time she will be arriving.

I just don't feel right about the whole thing. Part of me just wants to get things started and if she wants zero interaction with me, then all the easier that money is to make, but at the same time, this is not why I started on airbnb.

I don't mind some (short term) guests being zero interaction, but I enjoy sharing stories and meeting people from all over, and over a month sharing my home with an enigma of a person doesn't sound like fun. Sigh. At this point, if nothing else, I think I'm going to write my first negative review =(

Is there any advice? I'm afraid to confront her, in fear of retaliation while I'm not at the house, but I'm not happy...

[Michelle140]

@Mike77, I can understand my lack of action frustrating you 😉 I am reluctant to be too aggressive in this particular case, because the woman gives me the heebie jeebies. I live alone in a rural area and do not keep guns on the property, so I do not want to push her too much. I have contacted Airbnb and am trying to take this one day at a time... Most nights she does not even stay at the house, so I mostly can ignore the fact that I have a current "guest." Honestly, if Airbnb helps me cancel the rest of her stay, I'll require her to come get her stuff while I am home and will go with my gut as to whether to request deputy supervision... The way I'm describing her behavior may just come across as rude to you, but there's something else off with her. It could just be her being somewhere on the Autism spectrum causing her to have difficulty reacting to social situations in an appropriate manner, or there could be something more going on. I'm not a psychiatrist, so I'm not going to assume it's not some psychological disorder that causes her disconnect from reality and appropriate behavior response. Either way, I will tell you that she's not just a rude guest that needs to be put in her place. There is something off about her that I do not know what it is or understand well enough to push back too hard. Sometimes keeping yourself safe means to be calm and not combative with the person.

@Andrea9, I did contact Airbnb and gave them an update on the situation. Reiterating from before that I am not comfortable with her in the home. She does not respond to messages either (but she does seem to read them). Like I said above, I'm taking it one day at a time. Her behavior last night (and this morning) was very different from before. An earlier message you may recall me talking about how she was TOO quiet moving around the house, so much so that I imagined her sneaking into my room coming up behind me, ha. Complete opposite as to this night's stay...

She doesn't even say anything to my dog. Again. Heebie jeebies 😉

[Mike77]

@Michelle140

You are the one on the "front line" ... Do what you feel is best for you.

I would just handle it differently than what you are doing.

Mike
AirBnB Treehouse for Rent
https://www.airbnb.com/rooms/7292887


==============================
Here are your AirBnB phone numbers.
==============================

Argentina: +54 11 53 52 78 88

Australia: +61 2 8520 3333

Austria / Österreich: +43 72 08 83 800

Brazil / Brasil: +55 21 3958-5800

Canada: +1-855-424-7262 / 1-855-4-AIRBNB (toll-free)

Chile: +56 229380777

China / Zhongguo - 中國 / 中国: +86 10 5904 5310 or 400 890 0309 (shared-cost)

Denmark / Danmark: +45 89 88 20 00

France: +33 1 84 88 40 00

Germany / Deutschland: +49 30 30 80 83 80

Greece / ελλάδα: +30 211 1989888

Hong Kong / Xianggang - 香港: +852 5808 8888

Ireland: +353 1 697 1831

Israel / Yisrael: +972 3 939 9977

Italy / Italia: +39 06 99366533

Japan / Nippon - 日本: +81 3 4580 0999 or +81 800 100 1008 (toll-free)

Mexico / Méjico: +52 55 41 70 43 33

Netherlands / Nederland: +31 20 52 22 333

New Zealand / Aotearoa: +64 4 4880 888

Norway / Norge: +47 21 61 16 88

Peru: +51 1 7089777

Poland / Polska: +48 22 30 72 000

Portugal: +351 30 880 3888

Puerto Rico: +1 787 919-0880

Russia / Rossiya - Россия: +7 4954658090 or 88003017104 (toll-free)

South Korea / Hanguk - 한국: +82 2 6022 2499 or +82 808 220 230 (toll-free)

Spain / España: +34 91 123 45 67

Sweden / Sverige: +46 844 68 12 34

Switzerland / Schweiz / Suisse: +41 43 50 84 900

United Kingdom: +44 203 318 1111

United States (USA) / Estados Unidos de América (EEUU): +1-415-800-5959 (local San Francisco number) or +1-855-424-7262 / 1-855-4-AIRBNB (toll-free)

[Michelle140]

And to be clear, I mean no offense to autistic people. I just know the struggles it can cause them to have in social situations, so I can understand that the way she behaves may not be her fault.

[C-C0]

Ha! Let me be the outlier. Very little of what the guest has done or said would be a problem for me. Whatever any host does is fine by me, but I let my guests check in at 4am if that's what's needed--whether I'm here or not. If they don't show--thanks for the money! And while they're here, they're not spied on, checked up on, or fretted about! We're all adults. If they did get lucky, none of my business. If they end up dead, we'll go from there. I had a guy live here for 4 years without saying 4 words to me. We live in the same house; we're not forming a family. Nothing wrong with hosty hosts, but if they're hermits, leave your poor guests alone!

[Michelle140]

@C-C0, you can have her, lol. Too bad you're not in Virginia, you could take her off my hands 😉 To each their own. I do not mind hermits either. That's why I accepted her, despite some of her reviews. I had a guest before her that I really was worried he was dead. He went in the room, turned off his phone to go off grid (I didn't know that), so he never answered when I checked in to make sure everything was ok, and I never saw him. I knew he was alive through most days because there would be dishes in the sink when I got home. Fine. Ok. But when we did run into each other, that guy at least said HI to me and looked me in the face. I am listing a room in my HOME, not a separate structure in which I don't live in as well. That changes things for me, personally. I do need to meet the person face to face. They will have full access to my entire home, with me not always there, so I need to have a certain semblance of trust in the person. There is a greater likelihood for someone to respect your space if they see you in person. It's like how rude people are online. No face = no respect. Put a face with the name, and it should theoretically help. Even if it's just a psychological comfort, it's there. But yeah, I'm sorry, I get the heebie jeebies with someone sneaking (or apparently at times stomping) into and around the house, zero eye contact, usually wearing sunglasses (no matter the time of day or night), a rain coat with a hood (in Virginia 100% humidity 90 degree weather), completely oblivious when I'm talking to her ("are you talking to me?"). And yes, for the most part, I've tried to respect her wishes. If I'm out on the deck when she arrives, I stay out there. I don't go knocking on her door to talk to her, but rather message through Airbnb when she needs to do something different (ie - lock the door when you leave me sleeping in the house alone). I will post my review honestly, and hosts moving forward can accept or reject her depending on their requirements for people staying in their home.

[C-C0]

@Michelle0, my guests are in my home too. I just don't bother them. Lol. I don't care about eye contact or saying hi or saying boo.

[Michelle140]

@C-C0, Well, good to know there is a place for her on Airbnb. That place just isn't at my house =P We'll just have to agree to disagree though. I'd probably guess you are the exception though. Those of us offering to share parts of our home on Airbnb are trusting enough to do it in the first place. I think the least we can expect from our guests are for them to be friendly and amicable. And I feel communicating plans for arrival is just a matter of respect, unless check-in is described as it is on your listings.

[C-C0]

@Michelle0, that lady would be ok here. Reread where you said you don't mind hermits, but then detail the ways in which it really does bother you. You thought that one guy was dead and you listened for his movements and "checked on" him. He came to your place as a quiet retreat. But ended up with a host trying to analyze him and marvel over him. That to me is creepy. And while I intend for this to sound matter-of-fact, it is still going to sound mean, but to make an important point--when that lady said "are you talking to me?" what she really meant was: "Stop talking."

[Mike77]

@C-C0

"when that lady said "are you talking to me?" what she really meant was: "Stop talking.""

I love it.  🙂  

Mike
AirBnB Treehouse for Rent
https://www.airbnb.com/rooms/7292887


==============================
Here are your AirBnB phone numbers.
==============================

Argentina: +54 11 53 52 78 88

Australia: +61 2 8520 3333

Austria / Österreich: +43 72 08 83 800

Brazil / Brasil: +55 21 3958-5800

Canada: +1-855-424-7262 / 1-855-4-AIRBNB (toll-free)

Chile: +56 229380777

China / Zhongguo - 中國 / 中国: +86 10 5904 5310 or 400 890 0309 (shared-cost)

Denmark / Danmark: +45 89 88 20 00

France: +33 1 84 88 40 00

Germany / Deutschland: +49 30 30 80 83 80

Greece / ελλάδα: +30 211 1989888

Hong Kong / Xianggang - 香港: +852 5808 8888

Ireland: +353 1 697 1831

Israel / Yisrael: +972 3 939 9977

Italy / Italia: +39 06 99366533

Japan / Nippon - 日本: +81 3 4580 0999 or +81 800 100 1008 (toll-free)

Mexico / Méjico: +52 55 41 70 43 33

Netherlands / Nederland: +31 20 52 22 333

New Zealand / Aotearoa: +64 4 4880 888

Norway / Norge: +47 21 61 16 88

Peru: +51 1 7089777

Poland / Polska: +48 22 30 72 000

Portugal: +351 30 880 3888

Puerto Rico: +1 787 919-0880

Russia / Rossiya - Россия: +7 4954658090 or 88003017104 (toll-free)

South Korea / Hanguk - 한국: +82 2 6022 2499 or +82 808 220 230 (toll-free)

Spain / España: +34 91 123 45 67

Sweden / Sverige: +46 844 68 12 34

Switzerland / Schweiz / Suisse: +41 43 50 84 900

United Kingdom: +44 203 318 1111

United States (USA) / Estados Unidos de América (EEUU): +1-415-800-5959 (local San Francisco number) or +1-855-424-7262 / 1-855-4-AIRBNB (toll-free)

[Michelle140]

@C-C0, It's interesting how perspectives are different, ha. I guess I could come across as more creepy the more reserved you are 😉 But yes, I do want to know the person is alive, and once I knew he had disconnected, I left it alone. He was friendly when I saw him, so I left him to his peace. I didn't listen for movements or really bother him at all throughout his week-long stay. It was just the first day that I was really concerned. He seemed to be very happy with his stay and said it suited his needs perfectly. I am generally very respectful of different people's needs (I've even had a small bridal party get together painting party out in my back yard once). In general, with my Airbnb listing, I am not comfortable with what I do not understand, because bad situations often arise from something that just doesn't quite make sense. Everything is just STRANGE. She gave me a different last name in person than is on her account. Her profile picture is just her smile and some long hair. She does not smile and she does not have long hair, so I don't even know if she is the same person as in the picture (or the profile?). There are a lot of pieces to this puzzle...

Everyone looks for something different on Airbnb I guess. I wouldn't book a stay on Airbnb without expecting (and looking forward) to at least meeting someone new. We just have different expectations from the Airbnb community and we each are hosting a different kind of spot. I do this for the community and meeting new people from all over and all walks of life. Money is secondary.

[Michelle140]

Do I really need to add to my house rules that you must be willing to respond to me when I am talking to you? This is just ridiculous. It seems to me that there should be a minimum level of expectations when you are inviting a perfect stranger into your home... If I am wrong, maybe I will not last very long on Airbnb. It's only my tenth booking...

[C-C0]

@Michelle0, I'm glad you are not too miffed with my input. Now, the fact that she may not be the account holder who booked--that's worrisome!

[Michelle140]

@C-C0, I put the different last name as her just being introverted and making something up. It was just for my adding an account for her on my security system. But who knows. Everything just seems off, and see my comment about not being comfortable when things don't make sense 😉

[C-C0]

@Michelle0, 95% of hosts are right there with you. I'm as terrified of mice and rats as most women. The first two or three hundred I had to dispose of when my vicious feline brought them inside to further torture really upset me. She killed a baby rabbit on Easter Sunday. Now it's just another mouse. It's gotta go. I don't have to psychoanalyse my cat, just tcb. I have a unique situation. Guests neither scare nor intrigue me--and I'm ALL about the money!