The straw that broke the camel's back

[Huma0]

So, this is a really small, trivial thing, but it drove me absolutely CRAZY today. I have a guest who has terrible communication (doesn't respond to ANY messages, ignored all check in instructions, refuses to listen to any logic about basic stuff) and keeps breaking numerous house rules, albeit the minor ones. She does some really weird, completely nonsensical stuff. She has the attention span of a gnat. Bare in mind, I host long term guests, so when things are not going swimmingly, it can build up to a load of frustration... So, yes, I am kind of just venting.

I am middle aged and so, in recent years, my eyesight has started to falter. Due to this, I bought a magnifying mirror. This suddenly disappeared. I am not talking about a small handheld mirror, but quite a substantial thing. A large, table top mirror that has a specific place. Today was my brother's 50th birthday party, yet I was unable to put on make up etc. because my mirror was gone. Just gone. 

Okay, seriously annoying (why do guests take other people's things without asking?) but not the worst thing in the world. Maybe I am feeling so irritated about this because it is about the 20th annoying thing this guest has done. She doesn't seem to see the need to close the fridge door, so my very expensive fridge had a a breakdown. She said my washing machine made her clothes stink, but turns out she washed her clothes and left them in a heap in her room rather than hanging them up. and on and on...Deep breath....

So, yeah, all small things. But how many small things before the camel's back breaks?

[Ted307]

@Huma0 

Your place is so nice, I could see it being damaged by careless guests! The bunkhouse was built for hard use. When we got it it needed new walls and flooring & plumbing. We went with easy care and sturdy materials that would be easy to clean. Affordable vinyl flooring in the whole place. Formica and chrome kitchen table. Couch is nice but we got it for $200 from a guy on Facebook Marketplace. I got some of our furniture as payment for setting up a neighbor's computer who was downsizing. Score! Nice wood rocker and shelving -- no cash changed hands.  We are out $400 if someone leaves our red refrigerator door open and kills it. I will cost more than that to replace it now, so I have my fingers crossed none of your guests come to stay here! The problem would be the wait time needed -- to get this one it was about a month. We have had to do some paint touch-ups on the door frames, why do people seem to mash them so hard that the wood chips!

So, we have very few house rules. We sleep well and don't fret about these small expenses that have not happened yet. I have seen some people -- guests -- on places like Reddit complain that the furniture in AirBnB rentals is old and mis-matched. Mine is old and it does not match, but it has style and it is sturdy & I chose it for a reason. Staying with us is a lot like staying with grandparents, because that is what we are. 😉

[Huma0]

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@Ted307 wrote:

The problem would be the I have seen some people -- guests -- on places like Reddit complain that the furniture in AirBnB rentals is old and mis-matched. 

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Well, this is partly the problem. A lot of Airbnb guests these days come with high expectations. It's not improbable that a lot of that is due to Airbnb's marketing. I mean, look at Brian Chesky's video introducing the Summer Release. Is that what you think the average Airbnb guest can afford? Probably not, but now that's what they expect.

At the same time, they do not expect to pay for damaging that super swish place with it's super swish furnishings and fittings, because there is really very little accountability for the guest. There is no actual security deposit.

So, while guests appreciate the nice things that are in my house, if they damage them, 9 times out of 10, the guest does not see it as their responsibility to pay. Never mind that the thing they damaged may well have cost more than they paid for their accommodation...

[Stephanie365]

@Helen427   My review for this person would be:

"This guest is oblivious to social customs when it comes to being considerate of other people and their possessions. There were also issues with hygienic practices and respecting personal boundaries.  Guest is better suited to a hotel."

[Huma0]

Oh, and by the way, the mirror was eventually returned after several days, albeit covered in greasy fingerprints. That's okay though. At least I can now see my own face again. 

Perhaps that's not a good thing though as I've probably aged a lot in the last few days...

[Ted307]

@Huma0 

HA!

Such a popular item needs to be a fixture in every bathroom! Offer it for sale at twice it's worth, and it will never again go missing! LOL

[Huma0]

@Ted307 

I don't think it will go missing again, at least not with these guests. I greatly exaggerated my poor eyesight in order to guilt trip them into returning it. I repeated the words 'middle aged' several times! 

Both of these girls are studying psychology. They should have seen through it...

However, your suggestion isn't so mad. There are listings that have items within them that are for sale if the guest wants to take them home.

Like your tea towels!

[Huma0]

@Ted307 

Now it's not uncommon for fancy hotels to offer their bathrobes for sale (because so many guests would steal them). I wonder though, how many people actually buy them?

I might get one of those supermarket guns and just sticker everything with outrageous prices.

[Ted307]

@Huma0 

HA!

 No One Buys that stuff! lol  But, they do not steal it any more!

[Huma0]

So yesterday, it was leaving the front door open, another minuscule amount of laundry in the machine on a long wash and the spider incident. Today, one guest left the bathroom tapping running and the other guest received a package. Both have now done the latter even though it's clearly stated in my house rules no packages or mail. Both guests were asked to confirm they'd read the rules before booking, Easter egg question and all. Both guests were asked to re-read the rules shortly before their arrival and confirmed that they had.

Where am I going wrong?

[Ted307]

@Huma0 

In your rules about no packages, "Any packages rec'd here are returned to the sender, postage due". Then, do it!

[Huma0]

@Ted307 

The package is still sitting in on a sideboard in the hallway. The guest came home hours ago and doesn't seem to have noticed it yet.

My plan was to tell her that a package had arrived for her and that this was against my house rules. To tell her that I hated nagging, but ask her yet again to please re-read the rules and try to follow them because she keeps breaking so many of them (albeit the less major ones).

However, I am feeling odd about this. This girl is so very sweet and I don't think any of it is intentional (the other guest told me she KNEW she was not supposed to receive packages, but went ahead and did it anyway - this is not the same guest I was complaining about in my opening post). 

Maybe I am being a softy, but I know that this girl's mother passed away. I am not sure when exactly, but I don't think it was that long ago. Maybe she is just a bit lost. Whenever I mention any rule she has broken, she apologies and promises to be 'more mindful' and I feel like she is trying because she doesn't seem to continue with that particular thing, but the next day, she'll break some other rule... This evening she took her dinner to her room. My rules state no eating in the bedroom. Sigh...

I am sick of nagging. It's not enjoyable for me nor the guests. I am starting to think it's just better to grit my teeth, grin and bear it, and then give some private feedback at review time. Like I mentioned in my OP, these are all minor transgressions. It's just the daily occurrence of them, and with two guests breaking rules simultaneously, that is wearing me down, but I know it's not forever...

[Ted307]

@Huma0 

They have your number! They know now that they can get away with breaking house rules & no consequences.

The renter who stains the beautiful silk upholstery deserves to pay the bill.

[Huma0]

@Ted307 

Perhaps. Perhaps not.I am not 100% sure with these two. I have certainly hosted guests who will just try to take advantage: you know, the 'you give them an inch and they take a mile' types. With these two, I am not sure any of it is intentional. I think it is partly immaturity (they don't seem to have quite got to grips with the real world yet) and also a cultural thing.

I'm going to say something rather controversial now, which many people might think is prejudicial and won't like, but I keep encountering  these problems with young American women.

When you host short term stays, it's all fine and dandy, but when you host them long term, you realise that they are often very messy, will break rules, make lots of extra demands, don't check/respond to messages, take things without asking and complain about stuff clearly stated on the listing.

I started a thread a few months ago about what I call 'time vampires': https://community.withairbnb.com/t5/Host-Circle/How-do-you-handle-time-vampires/m-p/1549032#M23290

which is about one particular type of problem guest. However, now that I think of it, the guests who prompted me to create that topic happened to be young, American women.

I don't know what it is but, in contrast, the young European or Australian girls who have stayed with me are nothing like that. They are much more self sufficient, respectful of house rules and less demanding. There is actually a massive difference. Huge.

Obviously there are guests who are an exception to this. Some of my all time favourites have been young American females. One is has stayed with me three times already and recently enquired about a fourth stay. Another ended up being a long term flatmate and is still a friend. Every so often, one comes along who restores my faith and makes me hopeful that the next one won't be so bad.

However, I would say that currently, that amazing one is a small minority. Out of the last five American girls I hosted, one was great and the other four were consistently breaking rules and constantly asking for extra things. They have always been very friendly though! I don't know why that is, but that's been my experience. 

And then you have me, being very "British' and therefore finding it hard to simply say, "No, cut the crap. Sort yourself out because I'm not putting up with this."

[Ted307]

@Huma0 

I agree with @Stephanie365 , your guests are of the class that never hears, "No" . They may never grow up. I have met retired women in their 70's who also have never believed the rules could possibly apply to them.

[Huma0]

@Ted307 

That's very true. I have experienced one of those and she was much, much worse than these girls. So entitled, so demanding, so disrespectful.

Although people are always saying that the youth of today is so entitled, entitlement exists in every age group. 

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@Ted307 wrote:

your guests are of the class that never hears, "No" . 

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That makes sense. If I tell one of these girls to please be careful and make sure they close the front door, they are perfectly compliant. The same thing when I asked one to please remember to turn off her bedroom light when she goes out for the evening.

If I tell them that 'no', they cannot receive packages here, and that it's against my house rules, it's a different story. They just look at me with wide eyes as if I am speaking Mongolian or something and they have no idea what I am talking about.

There was another discussion here on the CC recently about guests not following parking instructions where another host (I think it was Kelly) said that people do not register the word 'DON'T'. It's like they have a mental block. You have to communicate to them in 'DOs'. 

It's a bit tricky though as some things are hard to communicate without saying DON'T or NO, e.g. no packages.