Bad guest

[Laylee0]

Hi everyone, I started hosting last September and am still learning as I go. The forum has been really helpful for me as whenever I need help there’s usually a post I find with lots of answers, and even worse stories that make mine feel like nothing.

I’d love to hear everyone’s thoughts on this situation though! 

I have a girl staying with me at the moment for 4 months at £10 a night (yes, maybe the long stay and the cheap rate are two of my first mistakes). She’s a lovely girl but does my head in and i’ve been miserable living at mine since she arrived. From repeatedly putting on a wash load just for one towel (I dealt with this by telling her not to, but I know some hosts charge for washes), leaving streak marks in the toilet (I was cleaning them up after her until they stopped, then another guest told me he’d been cleaning them up), leaving the heating on constantly even when she’s out (also been dealt with), constantly moaning about the UK cold (she’s from Australia), on her phone to her Oz friends in the kitchen anywhere from 7am onwards (another guest complained), not respecting house rules such as no shoes upstairs, requested a desk in her room which I bought and built, but then she studies in shared spaces, leaves crumbs on the kitchen side, black marks all over the floor from her shoes and doesn’t clean them up (yes I do clean them up myself but I just think it’s conmon courtesy if you make a mess in someone’s house you clean it up?) 

Her attitide is “I’m so chilled” (she says it a lot) which makes me feel like I’m being uptight and that if I say something about any of the above it’s my problem because I’m not chilled - though I am, just not when she’s around.

Now the final straw that sent me over the edge. She once got in a mood because I couldn’t give her a lift to pick up a bike she bought. So when she said her friend was coming to visit (“he’s only staying two days and will just crash in my bed”) she was hinting she wanted a lift to pick him up from the station. I stupidly offered, remembering the mood from last time and I guess in all honesty I thought maybe it would help us bond a bit. I didn’t realise it was 10.45pm, and I kicked myself as it got nearer the time and wondered why he couldn’t get a taxi like everyone else. He’s not a paying guest either (she didn’t even offer to pay extra for him to stay and since I can be lenient with the no guest policy once I get to know the guest I thought “ok, she’s here 4 months, it’s a nice surprise, I’ll let it slide”). I go to collect “him” and there’s 2 of them. I was fuming but didn’t let it show. I say there’s the small room to stay in as i’d blocked it off (I’m so fed up of Airbnb hosting since she’s moved in that I’ve blocked off loads of dates until after she leaves) and she says “I was just going to crash on the couch, I’m chilled” and in my head I’m thinking “no you flipping well won’t!” But again mentioning the chilled thing so that by me offering them an extra bed I’m not chilled? 

I go to bed and end up ringing my mate in tears because I’ve worked so hard on my house and I absolutely hate it there at the moment.

The next morning i ask I ask her how long they’re staying and it turns out it isn’t 2 nights at all, it’s 3 nights before Scotland, and I don’t know how many nights on their way back (I couldn’t make out what she said as she did her blasé “few nights” thing again.)

I didn’t want to speak to her when I’m angry so I left the house, and while walking my dog phoned her to ask her to stay with them elsewhere. She starts crying, we talk it out, and by the end of the conversation I feel better for standing up for myself and say it’s fine, just stay at mine, enjoy yourselves, I’ll stay at my mum’s. 

But it’s still playing on my mind as I feel I’ve been taken the piss out of and manipulated.

Any thoughts/opinions/advice you can offer is much appreciated! I know asking guests to read and agree to house rules when booking (I didn’t do this), and reiterating these when they arrive, are essential. I do say “no shoes upstairs” when people arrive and I have a house guide that people read on arrival (and she has read it). 

Like I say, she is a lovely girl, and it’s her first Airbnb so I won’t leave her a bad review (I won’t leave her one at all as I’m sure she’ll learn from this experience and be a better guest next time). 

[Giedre-and-Andre0]

@Laylee0  As long you are willing to start your story with

"...She’s a lovely girl..."

your trouble is NOT over 😉

[Emilia42]

@Laylee0, I agree with @Giedre-and-Andre0 . Stop deflecting the situation with "but she's so lovely..." If she were lovely, you wouldn’t be nearly in tears and she wouldn't be disrespecting you and your rules. 

[Laylee0]

@Kelly149 @Thanks for the heads up! I’m definately set on evicting her now though after reading all the responses on here so I will stand my ground 🙂

[Jessica-and-Henry0]

@Laylee0 

As a fellow host that also hosts a lot of long-term guests..... I really feel for you. 

You've already gotten great advice and I think you know what you have to do. With longer-term guests different rules apply, and I think you learned a valuable lesson about where to draw the line.

Henry and I tend to be a bit distant + polite at first with long-term guests. We like to assess the person first, and if then seem like the type to NOT abuse our hospitality we warm up and get "chill" with them. We have a long list of very detailed "house rules and common sense courtesy rules" that specify the dos and don'ts as a guest in OUR home. We emphasize the need to "manage expectations" of each other and being "a good fit". 

From what I've read your guest is NOT lovely, at all~~ if you can't stand to be in the same house as her...... SHE needs to leave. Don't ever let your guest chase you out of your own home. Literally.....you need to show her who's the boss.

[Jessica-and-Henry0]

@Laylee0 

If you want to see how detailed and specific I am in setting rules and expecations for guests feel free to check out my listing description and house rules. 

This doesn't mean my guests are ever "perfect" but it does give me grounds to make a "polite" reminder to do a better job about respecting "common sense rules" that are expected of anyone who stays in MY home. 

[Christopher-and-Elisa0]

@Laylee0  You keep repeating that she’s a ‘lovely girl’ but clearly she isn’t. Seriously ‘lovely’ people tend not to behave like that. She’s not “lovely’. She’s ill-mannered, rude and shows an utter lack of respect for others.

I’m really surprised that you have put up with this for so long. You should have gotten rid of her long ago. Her repeated breaking of your house rules, the disturbance she causes (you’ve got other guests to think of) should be reason enough. Get on the phone with Airbnb and get rid of her and her friend today.

Good luck!

[Cathie19]

Hi @Laylee0 .

Listen to the advice of the many experiencesd hosts here: such as Helen, @Emilia42 , @Jessica-and-Henry0 Reclaim your home and stand your ground. Create the rules for the worst case scenario and add them to your listing now... communicate through message board and just get her out! Reinforce those rules in a folder for each room and be the boss. You  can be friendly, fair and still be firm.

Currently, I’m mainly feeling sorry for your other guest who has been left in the house to clean up after her, (skid marks) and probably her friendly hangerons...

The fact that they haven’t offered payment, that you haven’t requested monies through Airbnb and requested a change of “number of persons” on the reservation, is beyond me......

Just get in there and do it girl!

(Your other guests will be happier as well)

[Laylee0]

@Jessica-and-Henry0 @Thanks so much, that’s great advice! I’ll have a look at your house rules tonight and will update all my listings. I initially thought no one would want to read a long list of rules, and that it might put people off, but everyone here is right, it’s MY home and MY business and it’s essential to have boundaries and draw the line.

@Christopher-and-Elisa0 i really didn’t think I had a right or reason to evict her earlier, I just thought it was a clash of personalities and that she is “chilled” and I must be uptight. I honestly thought the problem was mine and I was just going to knuckle down until she’d gone. 

@Cathie19 My other guest is really happy at mine, and this guest hasn’t mentioned any problems with the toilet so I assume it’s stopped or she’s learned to clean up after herself. I spoke to him about her inviting guests and he was fine about it and said they’re nice and quiet. He’s not running a business though I guess so he can be more relaxed about it. I also didn’t realise I could do those things? Would she even pay? I doubt it!

I sent her a message this morning asking her to find alternative accommodation for the remainder of her stay. She leaves for Scotland today so I said she can either move out today or on the day she gets back. I’ll update this thread with the outcome when I know more. 

[Cathie19]

@Laylee0 The rules are more for you. If they don’t read them but agree to them, you have the upper hand. I have many rules that are in hotels as well, merely for protection and ability to support me so I can act on the bad guest. No one has ever said they are too much, so if they don’t like them they choose somewhere else. I’m about safe guarding for guests, myself and my family.

[Christopher-and-Elisa0]

@Laylee0I understand. we don’t even have extensive rules and mostly I talk people through everything on arrival. But we mostly have people stay for 1 - 4 nights, rarely a day or 2 longer so the potential for problems like yours is not as big.

Yes, I guess I’m ‘uptight’ too. Or you could call it strickt. But I guess, well, it’s our house, we let someone stay, we do it on a shoe string and can’t replace things or renovate every other week so I expect people to take care of the space. It is my right to do so. We also try to be considerate and turn down the tv when we host and cut down on other noise and I think it’s reasonable to expect our guests to do so as well. Sure, they’re on holidays and they should enjoy themselves but they knew what they’re booking, we’re right behind that wall so you know... don’t slam the doors and turn down that AC/DC noise : ) We might be hosting but it’s still our house and we still want to be comfortable at home. This is our right. We (and so do you) have the right to expect our guests to be considerate and don’t behave like animals.

I don’t know exactly where you are and what your listing is like and what the prices are like in your area (and I don’t just mean Airbnb prices but life in general) but your price seems awfully low to me. I’d consider changing them maybe? I don’t know other hosts might be able to advise here. When we set our price we didn’t just look at what others charge. We’ve looked at what we offer and what kind of guests we’d like to attract without putting an absurd price on our offering. We still get our fair share of pretty thoughtless and self-absorbed young people but yeah, I think it could have been worse : )

Good luck!

[Laylee0]

@Cathie19 i did realise I could send/request money but didn’t realise by requesting money she would have to pay it. She did offer to pay when she was in tears on the phone, but I felt that was missing the point, as it shouldn’t have got to me asking them to find somewhere else to stay and her being in tears, for the subject of payment to come up. And I felt if I’d suddenly said “oh ok then” it would have looked like it was all about money when really it’s a series of things that are really about a lack of respect. 

[Cathie19]

Yes @Laylee0 ,I get it.... DO revise your rules and reinforce in print and then verbally you are in a stronger position to message via the Airbnb message board and with Airbnb. Take care. 🌻

[Paul154]

@Laylee0 

Crying in tears over extra charges?  Or the realization that she can't play you any longer?

This is the time when you become very helpful. Put on your light and helpful smile.

"There are so many other lovely ABBs and hotels in our city. You will enjoy them and God bless"

[Helen3]

Hi @Laylee0 

How is the situation going with your 'unlovely' guest?

Have you sorted out with Airbnb to remove her and her guests from your place?

Hopefully you have now moved back into your place and can look forward to a peaceful weekend without her.

Helen

[Laylee0]

@Helen3 and to all who’ve responded. She messaged me last night to say they’d extended their trip to Scotland so it would be their last night in Newcastle and she’d be back in 10 days. I messaged her this morning asking her to find somewhere else to stay for the remainder of her trip in Newcastle and asked which date she’d like check out to be (today or the day she gets back from Scotland) so I can let Airbnb know. I didn’t hear from her so by the afternoon I just phoned Airbnb and asked them to cancel it with immediate effect. They said they allow guests time to find somewhere else so I said the day she gets back would be fine (22nd). I’m actually dog sitting for another 3 dogs tonight so am not at home but will be back there tomorrow 🙂 

She messaged me an hour ago to say she’s arranging alternative accommodation from the 22nd. So all sorted! 

Thank you to to everyone who commented, for your advice and support and for instilling some confidence in me.   I’ve definately learned a valuable lesson here. I’m looking forward to seeing how hosting will toughen me up, as it has for so many hosts, and I’m looking forward to being a firmer, more assertive host in the future! 

I’ll be reading through all of your house rules tonight for ideas and updating mine accordingly. I’ll add that I’ve evicted someone for not following rules, and that should scare off any potential piss takers!