Bad guest

[Laylee0]

Hi everyone, I started hosting last September and am still learning as I go. The forum has been really helpful for me as whenever I need help there’s usually a post I find with lots of answers, and even worse stories that make mine feel like nothing.

I’d love to hear everyone’s thoughts on this situation though! 

I have a girl staying with me at the moment for 4 months at £10 a night (yes, maybe the long stay and the cheap rate are two of my first mistakes). She’s a lovely girl but does my head in and i’ve been miserable living at mine since she arrived. From repeatedly putting on a wash load just for one towel (I dealt with this by telling her not to, but I know some hosts charge for washes), leaving streak marks in the toilet (I was cleaning them up after her until they stopped, then another guest told me he’d been cleaning them up), leaving the heating on constantly even when she’s out (also been dealt with), constantly moaning about the UK cold (she’s from Australia), on her phone to her Oz friends in the kitchen anywhere from 7am onwards (another guest complained), not respecting house rules such as no shoes upstairs, requested a desk in her room which I bought and built, but then she studies in shared spaces, leaves crumbs on the kitchen side, black marks all over the floor from her shoes and doesn’t clean them up (yes I do clean them up myself but I just think it’s conmon courtesy if you make a mess in someone’s house you clean it up?) 

Her attitide is “I’m so chilled” (she says it a lot) which makes me feel like I’m being uptight and that if I say something about any of the above it’s my problem because I’m not chilled - though I am, just not when she’s around.

Now the final straw that sent me over the edge. She once got in a mood because I couldn’t give her a lift to pick up a bike she bought. So when she said her friend was coming to visit (“he’s only staying two days and will just crash in my bed”) she was hinting she wanted a lift to pick him up from the station. I stupidly offered, remembering the mood from last time and I guess in all honesty I thought maybe it would help us bond a bit. I didn’t realise it was 10.45pm, and I kicked myself as it got nearer the time and wondered why he couldn’t get a taxi like everyone else. He’s not a paying guest either (she didn’t even offer to pay extra for him to stay and since I can be lenient with the no guest policy once I get to know the guest I thought “ok, she’s here 4 months, it’s a nice surprise, I’ll let it slide”). I go to collect “him” and there’s 2 of them. I was fuming but didn’t let it show. I say there’s the small room to stay in as i’d blocked it off (I’m so fed up of Airbnb hosting since she’s moved in that I’ve blocked off loads of dates until after she leaves) and she says “I was just going to crash on the couch, I’m chilled” and in my head I’m thinking “no you flipping well won’t!” But again mentioning the chilled thing so that by me offering them an extra bed I’m not chilled? 

I go to bed and end up ringing my mate in tears because I’ve worked so hard on my house and I absolutely hate it there at the moment.

The next morning i ask I ask her how long they’re staying and it turns out it isn’t 2 nights at all, it’s 3 nights before Scotland, and I don’t know how many nights on their way back (I couldn’t make out what she said as she did her blasé “few nights” thing again.)

I didn’t want to speak to her when I’m angry so I left the house, and while walking my dog phoned her to ask her to stay with them elsewhere. She starts crying, we talk it out, and by the end of the conversation I feel better for standing up for myself and say it’s fine, just stay at mine, enjoy yourselves, I’ll stay at my mum’s. 

But it’s still playing on my mind as I feel I’ve been taken the piss out of and manipulated.

Any thoughts/opinions/advice you can offer is much appreciated! I know asking guests to read and agree to house rules when booking (I didn’t do this), and reiterating these when they arrive, are essential. I do say “no shoes upstairs” when people arrive and I have a house guide that people read on arrival (and she has read it). 

Like I say, she is a lovely girl, and it’s her first Airbnb so I won’t leave her a bad review (I won’t leave her one at all as I’m sure she’ll learn from this experience and be a better guest next time). 

[Laylee0]

@Paul0 wow you have a lot of listings! I clicked on one to read the rules and notice you mention “light kitchen use only, frying discouraged” that’s such a great idea as I’ve had a few guests frying food and filling the downstairs with smoke and the whole house with cooking smells. Think I’ll copy your rule, thanks! 

[Laylee0]

Wow, all of you have brilliant rules! And they show that you’re firm from the outset. After reading what you’ve all written I realise I’ve been massively taken the piss out of by a few guests, and things that I’ve been putting up with thinking that’s what hosting is about are actually things that I doubt any of you would tolerate. 

Thanks again to all of you!

[Sarah977]

@Laylee0  I think you've got the picture now. Hosting is not about allowing a guest to run the show, biting your tongue, or expecting you to clean up after them. 

And I'd say you might want to examine why you would consider someone so disrespectful as "lovely". Lovely people don't make you so uncomfortable in your own home that you feel like you don't want to stay there.

Yes, if you have a shared bathroom for your guests, you might want to go in there once a day and do a quick wipe-down, sterilization to maintain a certain level of cleanliness. But cleaning up guests' personal messes-toothpaste slopped all over the counter, skid marks in the toilet, wet towels wadded up, shampoo dripped down the outside of the bottle glopping up the shelf, or in the kitchen, wiping up their crumbs and other spilled food, washing their dirty dishes, etc, etc. is not your job as a host. 

If a messy guest is only staying a night or two, I'd maybe not bother to mention it, but anyone staying longer than that needs to be set straight ASAP on what is expected as far as them being respectful of the home and the other people they are sharing it with. if you let these things slide, it won't get better, it will only get worse, as people are prone to try to make a good first impression, then get laxer as they get more comfortable. 

This girl, as you describe her, is not what anyone else would consider lovely- she's a manipulative brat who considers no one but herself.

[Jesse174]

What I have found is that if you insist on people following the rules you must set and maintain boundaries.  When they refuse expect them to try to expect you to take the blame.   When you refuse to take the blame and insist they be accountable they will become angry, defensive, manipulative, and bash you.  

You have to decide how you want to deal with that.  But, you are going to be less unhappy if you are assertive, maintain boundaries, and hold people accountable.  

[Ian-And-Anne-Marie0]

@Jesse174 

Exactly. Theres nothing worse than a dog with no teeth.

You will never cater for every scenario you're ever likely to encounter and have a provision in your house rules alone, but if you decide on a way to handle whatever situation then you need to follow that through without variation.