How do I review a passive-agressive guest?

[Alexandra316]

Hello all,

We had a guest on Sunday night who was standoffish before checkin and downright rude after. It was a weird experience. We've hosted approximately 50 guests, and I've never encountered this before.

She contacted me ahead of time and asked if she could park her car at our property a bit early, around 11 am, so they could go on a wine tour (checkin is a 3 pm). I said no problem: we have lots of parking, and it's really no trouble. I also sent her checkin instructions, as usual, and I said if she needed any recommendations or needed assistance before or after checkout to get in contact. We usually don't give guests tours or meet them, but I always say that if they would like to meet to review the flat (or just in general), just to let me know and I'll be available. She sent back a really terse one-line message, saying, "We can show ourselves around!" Weird, and maybe should have been a red flag.

Sunday came, and they dropped their car off and went on the tour. They checked in at around 6 pm, and I didn't hear from her at all, which isn't unusual. She checked herself out the next day at around 9:30 am, which is fine. However, when she left, she didn't lock the door behind her so it was open all day without us being home. This is concerning, because we've been dealing with break and enters in our small town, mostly crimes of opportunity when people don't lock up. We don't have many rules, but locking the door when you go is clearly in the instructions we send to guests, and is just common sense, really. The flat was otherwise in fine condition: nothing unusual.

I did find a tee-shirt on a chair, so I sent her a message, saying that I hoped she'd had a good stay and enjoyed her wine tour, and I asked if she would like to have the shirt back. Well, that was apparently the straw that broke the camel's back. She didn't comment on how her stay was: she put me on blast, saying the t-shirt wasn't hers and she'd found it down the back of the sofa. We do clean the flat thoroughly between guests, but we don't pull all of the sofa cusions off typically, just vaccum everything. I responded, apologizing for the oversight, and I also asked if there had been a problem with the door lock, as the door was left unlocked. She hasn't responded, and I can't help thinking that a bad review is coming. I have perfect reviews up until now, and I'm dreading it. It just doubly bothers me, because I have absolutely no idea what I did to set her off intially. I do feel bad about the shirt, and that is absolutely on me: I need to start making sure that I take all the cusions off every time to check there is nothing there, but there was obviously tension with this guest before that.

I also don't really know how to review her. I absolutely know that I wouldn't want to host her again: she's welcome to take her passive agressive attitude elsewhere. I've noticed that a couple of her previous reviews vaugely allude to communication, but no one has given her less than 5 stars, so I'm guessing she's done similar things to other hosts and no one has called her out. At this point, I'm thinking of not reviewing and chalking it up to experiece, and hopefully she won't review me either. I'm not sure what I'd say: it was just a bad experience.

If anyone has any tips, I'd love to hear them, because I'm in a quandry and not feeling great about myself as a host right now.

[Emiel1]

Hello @Alexandra316 ,

I personally would not be bothered that much. People can be in a bad mood, the wine on the tour was dreadfull ;>) or she did not sleep well or feel well. Wait until she writes a review and then create one yourself,otherwise let it go (you can also comment on the review, if neccesary).

After all nothing is (physically) damaged and luckely nothing is stolen, things like the shirt can happen to anybody. Just an exception on the usual experiences, such guests show up from time to time.

Best regards, Emiel

[Alexandra316]

Thanks @Emiel1.... I know I probably shouldn't worry until something actually happens. 

[Susan10]

You are not required to review the guest.  If you really think the guest is going to give you a bad review then don't review the guest.  Only about 30% of my guests ever bother to leave a review despite my positive reviews of them (which they'll never see because they in turn did not review me).

[Alexandra316]

@Susan10 the review gets published after 14 days, regardless of whether or not the other person leaves a review. 

[Dawn171]

Can you explain more about they will never see it because they did not write one.

Does that mean that if your guest writes you a bad review and you do not write a review 

that the review the guest wrote will not go on your listing ???

i thought that after 14 days that it still gets published even if only one side wrote a review????

[Branka-and-Silvia0]

@Alexandra316 don't write your review until you get a notice that she reviewed you. Then write yours and of course mention that she left the door unlocked. And give her low rating on communication and house rules.Maybe next time she will pay more attention. 

[Alexandra316]

Thanks @Branka-and-Silvia0. I think you're right about leaving the review until I get notification that they've left me one. 

[Emilia42]

Hi @Alexandra316, sounds like we have similar hosting styles. I don't usually check in my guests or require that I meet them but I always make myself available in case they need me. I've had guests who have barley messaged two words to me but then left stellar reviews (which is really nerve racking.) I've also had guests who seek me out to tell me their every move for the day (which is fine too.) I try to just roll with all the different levels of communication. Personally, I wouldn't look too far into it. I try to keep in mind that it's really hard to decipher emotion and tone from text messages (according to the studies). And almost all the time we are assuming. This person may just not be the warmest. I would not review her unless she reviews you. If she does, just mention it was a short stay but you wished her communication could have been better so you could have better served her. If she does ding you, I doubt it will make a difference. It will just get mixed in with your numerous great reviews. 🙂

[Fred13]

  I also agree to not review, unless she does. If compelled to review them, it would be a very 'flat' one.

  I have a slightly different twist on the rest: to me she comes across as an uptight cold person with an 'air' probably stemming from a superiority complex; how she got there is immaterial, valid or not doesn't matter, it is 'guest' #51, nothing more. She doesn't evoke any warm & fuzzy feelings for anyone to really care. Her loss, her 'punishment'.

  I also wouldn't mention nor get into her communication 'skills', - she has none. If forced to judge would give her a -5. Minus 5 that is.

  As to the door; annoying yes, could have been a fiasco yes, but wasn't so not even worth mentioning because she may have just plain forgotten, despite how brilliant she probably thinks she is. Even some of my best guests do such goofy things.

   Having said all that, I can appreciate how genuinely kind you folks are and of course, you deserve a touch of higher humanity than most because of your exceptional manner; unfortunately, you will never get it from this 'princess'. Life.

  Next.

P.S. Btw passive aggressive she isn't, she was never 'passive', just consistently aggressive. 😉

[Alexandra316]

@Fred13Thanks, and I agree with your analysis! I don't think she was having a bad day, I just kind of feel like she's like that.

[Jessica-and-Henry0]

@Alexandra316

If it were me I'd draft a short but factual review and wait to post it with 1~2 days to spare. Something along the lines of "Guest left home in good condition but did not lock the door at check out, leaving the door unlocked all day. Communication was short and minimal. Based on personal experience, would not recommend this guest to "traditional" ABB hosts." And give overall 2~3 stars and thumbs down (not recommend). 

I'm not sure why you wouldn't want to review this guest. As a host I'd appreciate any review from a fellow host that gives me an accurate idea of what to expect from a potential guest.

[Alexandra316]

So I got my review... and I just shouldn't have worried about it. It was glowing: another 5* and they even said they'd love to stay again.

[Fred13]

Go figure. You did your part and she did hers - she was honest and really did appreciated your efforts, as it should be.

[Christopher187]

Alexandra,

Please, for everyone's sake, leave a review.  If you would not host her again, then other hosts would really like to know that.  Word it very cleverly if you want and most hosts will still figure it out.  If you're worried about her leaving a bad review, then wait until the last moment to leave yours, that way you get more time before her negative review shows up, or she doesn't have enough time to leave a review after your leave yours (airbnb will prompt her as soon as you submit your review).