The straw that broke the camel's back

[Huma0]

So, this is a really small, trivial thing, but it drove me absolutely CRAZY today. I have a guest who has terrible communication (doesn't respond to ANY messages, ignored all check in instructions, refuses to listen to any logic about basic stuff) and keeps breaking numerous house rules, albeit the minor ones. She does some really weird, completely nonsensical stuff. She has the attention span of a gnat. Bare in mind, I host long term guests, so when things are not going swimmingly, it can build up to a load of frustration... So, yes, I am kind of just venting.

I am middle aged and so, in recent years, my eyesight has started to falter. Due to this, I bought a magnifying mirror. This suddenly disappeared. I am not talking about a small handheld mirror, but quite a substantial thing. A large, table top mirror that has a specific place. Today was my brother's 50th birthday party, yet I was unable to put on make up etc. because my mirror was gone. Just gone. 

Okay, seriously annoying (why do guests take other people's things without asking?) but not the worst thing in the world. Maybe I am feeling so irritated about this because it is about the 20th annoying thing this guest has done. She doesn't seem to see the need to close the fridge door, so my very expensive fridge had a a breakdown. She said my washing machine made her clothes stink, but turns out she washed her clothes and left them in a heap in her room rather than hanging them up. and on and on...Deep breath....

So, yeah, all small things. But how many small things before the camel's back breaks?

[Huma0]

Just to clarify, I have been hosting for a few years and have had hundreds of guests stay in my own home, so I'm no newbie and am used to letting minor things slide.

My question is, what do you do when the minor things keep adding up until they are a mountain? What was the straw that broke the camel's back for you, if you have had such an experience?

[Ted307]

@Huma0 

Well, those minor costs do add up! Maybe start billing her for the things she takes. It might make you feel better to get the money to buy a new mirror. I bet she would be more considerate about the frig door if she had a cost attached, they way you do. I can see letting an occasional small thing go, but when you get the to the point of breaking the camel's back, action could be in order! Very pretty pic of the camel, BTW 😉

[Huma0]

@Ted307 

At this point, I have no evidence that she has the mirror. I messaged one of the other guests (who is responsive) and he said he didn't have it. The third guest doesn't use that bathroom and was away for the weekend anyway.

I also messaged the problem guest and asked her to please return the mirror asap if she has it because I need it due to my eyesight, but to let me know either way as I need to find it. The mirror has not been returned, nor has she responded to the message, which I sent yesterday. 

My house rules do state that guests will be charged for damages, but I have found that the majority refuse to admit that they caused the damage and, if when they say it might have been them, they seem to think it's my responsibility to deal with it. I do have the occasional guest who tells me and volunteers to pay, but they are the ones who are respectful and attentive overall. That type of guest asks before they borrow things.

[Gillian166]

@Huma0  sounds like you are dealing with an unhousebroken person, and you have to be their mum, which isn't fair. honestly i don't know how you cope and stay so cheery. 

We only host short term stays (1.6 nights is my average apparently) and they dont' live with us. for a short while one of our listings (the wing attached to the main house) was sharing the kitchen and a reception room, but it was driving my daughter crazy (people helping themselves to her food, as you've mentioned before) so we installed a kitchenette (the $2000 plumber) and new doors to lock off the dining room that gave access (the $3000 carpenters I mentioned in another thread), so we've spent a stupid amount of money just so we can avoid having guests in our space!

[Huma0]

@Gillian166 

I guess it's always a risk when you have shared spaces, e.g. communal bathrooms. So, I try to be clear about it.

When I checked in this guest, I told her, "There is body wash, shampoo and conditioner in the bathrooms that is for guest use, but please do not help yourself to other people's stuff," to which she replied, "I don't need that. I have my own stuff."

Honestly, it's not the mirror specifically (although that was pretty annoying and I still do not know where it is or when it will be returned), but the long list of irritating stuff.

Yep, it's sometimes difficult to share your space, especially for long term stays. Luckily, most guests are a bit more clued up than this.

[Gillian166]

@Huma0 
the other thing i always think of when annoyed, an old saying you'll know: lie back and think of the money 😅.  

doesn't always work, especially when you have 5 guests staying 3 nights and they are all paying <$80pp. in those moments i want to double my prices. 

And i have to say it's way too confronting to be reminded that I too, am "middle aged". yikes.  

[Huma0]

@Gillian166 

Yes, totally.

To be really honest, what I normally do in this type of situation is go to my calendar and remind myself, "Okay, it's only three  more weeks..."

[Huma0]

@Gillian166 

I started calling myself 'middle aged' a while ago, even though my friends of the same age do not like it.\

My theory is that there is nothing wrong with being 'middle aged'. Actually, it's the prime time of life. Old enough not to be stupid. Young enough not to be falling apart. Win-win.

[Gillian166]

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@Huma0 wrote:

Old enough not to be stupid. Young enough not to be falling apart. Win-win.

---

facts.  😂 

I only noticed it when I had to do a model release for myself (x number of years ago), and it auto filled keywords like "middle aged" when I was 46! I was most shocked, but then realised: oh yeah, fair call. 

[Debra300]

@Huma0,

I am truly on the latter part of middle-aged, and have little patience for inconsiderate or persistently inattentive persons (I understand that some folks may have physiological reasons why they keep doing stupid shi..stuff, but I cannot be a guest's caretaker in that manner).  The final straw would have been when my fridge needed a repair due to her negligence.  At that point, I would have told her that her stay was being terminated.

[Huma0]

@Debra300 

I always thought that people were supposed to get more patient with age, but I don't think that's the case. I also have a much lower tolerance for nonsense and stupidity now.

I don't know what this guest's deal is. She either has a problem absorbing information or she chooses to ignore it. I have a feeling it's a bit of both. The guest was asked to confirm she had read the house rules, Easter egg question and all, before booking. She was also asked to re-read them shortly before her stay.  Plus I reminded her of a few important ones (and this did include not taking other people's things from the bathrooms) during the welcome tour. I don't really think there is much point reminding her over and over as she just doesn't listen.

My house rules state no packages and no mail. When a package arrived for her, I didn't even get a chance to remind her of this rule because she said straightaway, "I know I am not supposed to receive packages, but my friends wanted to send me something." So, it's not that she's totally unaware. She's cherry picking. I got this impression when showing her around. When I asked her to do certain things, like separate her recycling, she responded, "I'll try," but in such a tone as to say she couldn't be bothered.

On the other hand, she seems to have stopped leaving the fridge door open because I did make a big deal out of that and explained that I would not be very happy if I had to replace my VERY expensive fridge (it is expensive by the way).

[Ted307]

@Huma0 

The inconsiderate guest who breaks your lovely frig ought to expect to pay! Payment makes people more responsible. Some young people have never paid their way and learned this lesson, but it ought not be your job to teach them how the world works.

I believe if this young woman were a roommate -- without ABNB & reviews -- she might have had more consequences for her actions and consideration for your feelings.

I have a mirror just like you have in the Bunkhouse bathroom. Only $10 at a local discount place. If it goes missing after a guest, that replacement cost would just go to the resolution center. I have done this a few times without any bad review resulting. But, we are fortunate to have a separate space and so we know for sure which guest is responsible. It sounds like you do know for sure, your male guest has no interest in such a mirror! A minor pain in the wallet might just get your guest's attention! Such guests rarely leave great reviews, anyway. 😞

[Huma0]

@Ted307 

The guest is still staying here, so I don't think she has stolen the mirror. I think she has just taken it to her room. I haven't seen her, so I'm waiting until I do to ask. It's difficult to charge someone for something that is still in the house.

I've actually never had a guest steal something to my knowledge. One thing they used to take (by accident) was adaptor plugs, but then I put stickers on them and that happens very rarely now. Breakages, on the other hand... Well, those are pretty common.

Sorry, what I wrote about the fridge was probably a bit misleading. When I said breakdown, I meant more that it had a nervous breakdown, rather than I had to call out an engineer. The thermostat went haywire from the door being repeatedly left open, so that the inside froze with a thick layer of ice, but meanwhile milk etc. went off! It was going hot and cold and hot and cold. After about a day of me fiddling with the controls, it eventually returned to a normal temperature.

My previous fridge (which was almost identical to this one and the same make) did break down for this exact reason. I can't remember what the part was, but it's the most expensive one to replace and the insurance refused to cover it. In the end, I had to buy a new fridge because the repair was so expensive and they wouldn't offer any guarantee for the work. For sure, if that happens again I will be hopping mad. 

The thing with damages though, especially those in communal areas, is that it's very hard to prove that it was a particular guest, even when you know it was. I did put in a claim once when a guest broke my front door lock (again an expensive item). I actually heard him break it and rushed to the door to stop him only to find that he had just gone and I was now trapped in the house. Anyway, there was no one else here.

However, he firstly tried to blame the other guests, not realising that they had checked out some time before and the new guests had not checked in. He then said it must have been (as per the title of this thread) the straw that broke the camel's back, i.e. that the lock must have been 'about to break' anyway. Whatever. Airbnb supported the claim and compensated me, but I have no idea if they took any money from the guest or not. 

That is not the only time guests have tried to blame other guests for damages. Again, they are not always clever about it. I usually know who is here and who is not, e.g. if a guest is away for the night or for a weekend because they tell me, but they haven't necessarily told the other guest who is staying. Other times, they say stuff like, "Well, it might have been me, but I don't REMEMBER doing it..." Even when it's something damaged in the guest's bedroom, they will try to say it was already like that or even that the cat did it...

[Debra300]

@Huma0,

As I get older I find that I have less patience, because I don't want to use my remaining time dealing with nonsense.  The following thread is an example of a person who I will not be contacting to complete a booking.

**

The person doesn't read, has poor comprehension and makes up things.  The first sentence in the description of our listings says, "The Keep Cool Guesthouse offers contemporarily styled, fully equipped, self-catering studios for guests to enjoy a refreshing getaway or working space while visiting St. Lucia."  Somehow the guest construed it to mean that we offer catering for breakfast and lunch (although breakfast and lunch aren't written anywhere in the listing).  On top of that, they don't indicate which room they want to stay in, nor the dates, and won't use a calculator for simple math.  

Pass.

 **[Private conversation removed in line with the Community Center Guidelines]