The straw that broke the camel's back

[Huma0]

So, this is a really small, trivial thing, but it drove me absolutely CRAZY today. I have a guest who has terrible communication (doesn't respond to ANY messages, ignored all check in instructions, refuses to listen to any logic about basic stuff) and keeps breaking numerous house rules, albeit the minor ones. She does some really weird, completely nonsensical stuff. She has the attention span of a gnat. Bare in mind, I host long term guests, so when things are not going swimmingly, it can build up to a load of frustration... So, yes, I am kind of just venting.

I am middle aged and so, in recent years, my eyesight has started to falter. Due to this, I bought a magnifying mirror. This suddenly disappeared. I am not talking about a small handheld mirror, but quite a substantial thing. A large, table top mirror that has a specific place. Today was my brother's 50th birthday party, yet I was unable to put on make up etc. because my mirror was gone. Just gone. 

Okay, seriously annoying (why do guests take other people's things without asking?) but not the worst thing in the world. Maybe I am feeling so irritated about this because it is about the 20th annoying thing this guest has done. She doesn't seem to see the need to close the fridge door, so my very expensive fridge had a a breakdown. She said my washing machine made her clothes stink, but turns out she washed her clothes and left them in a heap in her room rather than hanging them up. and on and on...Deep breath....

So, yeah, all small things. But how many small things before the camel's back breaks?

[Ted307]

@Huma0 

I help older people with their computers sometimes. This one I had told me what she wanted regarding fixing her computer. When I told her that Win 7 was no longer supported by Microsoft and I would not waste her time and money on such an ancient computer, she kept telling me to fix it! No explanation on my part would change her mind, I just put her on "call block" and fired her as my customer.

Your house, your rules. No eating on the beautiful silk upholstery looks like a bright line to me and would probably be a good place to put your foot down.

We had "family meetings" with my teenagers to no result. My slovenly 18 year-old insisted on eating in the living room on the couch and leaving her used dishes in there for us to clean up & wash. (This habit developed after she was out of school, do not understand it. As a child she was neater)! So I finally told her I would get a cleaning service and she would be charged $200/month to continue occupying her room in our house, since she was over 18 and an adult. Daughter moved out to her own room mate situation the very next month rather than pay us! Win-Win for us. She had a job, $200 was about half of what she spent getting her own place with a friend. She grew up! 🙂

[Huma0]

@Ted307 

Good for you! Does your daughter keep her own place clean and tidy though or is that also a mess? 

As a teenager, I had to do my own laundry and help clean the house on Saturday mornings, which I hated, because all my friends were allowed to lounge about watching MTV. Also, once I became a vegetarian, which infuriated my mum, I had to cook for myself a lot of the time too. I think I learnt early on how to look after myself and look after a place.

However, my room was always a terrible mess with clothes all over the place (I was really into clothes). I had plenty of wardrobe space but chose instead to chuck them everywhere else. My parents kept warning me, but I wouldn't listen. My father told me he would throw my clothes away if I didn't tidy up, but I didn't believe him. One day, I came home from school to find all my clothes gone.

At the time, my parents were having work done on the house. My father said he had thrown my clothes in the skip. I actually climbed into the skip (not a great idea, but luckily I wasn't hurt) but couldn't find them. Then he told me that he'd donated them to the church. I actually snuck into the church (I knew where they kept the stuff for charity sales from being a girl guide) but they weren't there either. Of course, my dad hadn't thrown the clothes away, just hidden them, but he had me fooled.

I now never leave clothes strewn on the floor. Even though my room still gets messy, my wardrobe is immaculately arranged by clothing type and colour and length and everything is ironed, stored on nice hangers and in garment bags where necessary. I even have different sections for neutrals as opposed to colours/prints. Pyjamas, lingerie, socks... everything has a specific drawer. It's the same with kitchen and bathroom cupboards.

I'm no Marie Kondo, because I have way too much stuff, but it baffles me when I see how some girls spend a fortune on clothes and then store them on the floor. Girl number 1 has been here for weeks and still not unpacked, even though she has loads of wardrobes and hangers and drawers in her room. I thought when I cleaned her room that she had not bothered to tidy up first because there were bits of rubbish everywhere, but I realise now that she had. When I went in the other night to deal with the spider, i.e. when I had to enter her room with no notice, it looked like her suitcase had exploded. She was quite embarrassed about it! 

Yes, I was exactly the same, but when I was 13, but not when I was 30!

[Ted307]

@Huma0 

Daughter is much better as an adult, from what I see anyway. Living with a room mate in a small 1 bedroom apartment educated her far better then I ever could!

She did end up cooking and cleaning up after herself out of necessity. She could not afford to hire the services she got from me!

[Huma0]

@Ted307 

I suspected as much.

My brother only became 'house trained' when he moved in with his first girlfriend. He only become a somewhat responsible adult, i.e. finally finished his studies, got a job started supporting himself when he got married at 30. The girlfriend and the wife would not put up with what my parents did put up with for so many years! 

It's not easy to educate your kids about these things. 

It is especially annoying to have to educate other people's kids about these things just because they booked a room with you!

[Ted307]

@Huma0 

They feel that they have power over us hosts, because ABNB does give them more say than they would have in the room mate situation of 20 years ago. No one ever got reviewed on their apartment when she was a room mate. We do not have the power to educate them on the facts of adulthood. I did not even have that power as a mother!

One thing we like about short term guests is that they do not have time to develop a feeling of ownership over our place. Your guests feel like they "own" their rooms and can do what ever they want, in that area. They live at your place long enough to be able to receive packages. Over 30 days here would give our guests tenant's rights that would make it much more difficult to evict them if they decided not to pay.

[Huma0]

@Ted307 

Everything you say is very true. I used to rent my rooms the traditional way to long term lodgers and they did not get to review me in any way, but they did sometimes need to ask ME for a landlord's reference. That, however, did not stop some of them behaving very badly, which is the main reason I switched to Airbnb. 

Also, yes, it makes perfect sense to expect long term guests to behave in the way that you describe. But actually, that's not my experience at all. I can 100% say that when I hosted short term guests, I received WAY more packages and mail than with long term ones. It seems illogical, but a lot of the short term guests come with 'holiday brain', which makes them less likely to pay attention to, or follow house rules.

Apart from frequent packages (often the guests would have these sent prior to their stay and 'inform' me so I could be their concierge and keep an eye out for them), I had the guest who stayed for less than a week but registered her social security at my address. I had the threatening demands for payment from Fedex and the guest simply ignoring me and then responding, when I threatened to to report her, that was going to contact Fedex to deal with it. Fedex told me the guest had made no attempt whatsoever to contact them. This sort of nonsense happened so frequently that I created a thread here on the CC about it a few years ago.

There is actually way less mail and packages arriving now that I host long term guests. That might just be a coincidence though since I have made it crystal clear in my house rules.

Luckily, my long term guests get no tenants' rights, but if I lived somewhere where that was not the case, I would also be wary of them.

[Ted307]

@Huma0 

Clarity of the rules could be it. Or the travelers are just rich and expect that "concierge" level of service?

We were long term regular landlords, and Ted says, "Never again"!

[Huma0]

@Ted307 

The expectation of a concierge type service was much more common with short term guests but, to be fair, they still made up a minority. Most of my short term guests were lovely. I switched to long term less because of rule breaking, and more because of time restraints + never really feeling like I could ever switch off and feel at home in my own home with people constantly coming and going. When you host a separate unit, even if it is close to or attached to your home, it makes much more sense hosting short term stays.

Imagine though what it's like to have strangers that you barely get to know traipsing through your own kitchen, living room etc. constantly. If you're a sociable person like me, it can be really fun a lot of the time, but it can also wear you down at other times.

[Ted307]

@Huma0 

I just can not imagine hosting like you do! Hats off to you -- I am in awe. We talk to people for 5 or 10 minutes when they check in, maybe a couple of times during their stay, and they are on their own.

[Huma0]

@Ted307 

For sure, my type of hosting involves a lot more interaction and, occasionally, some drama. I have had guests literally cry on my shoulder. I have heard the woes of the lovesick. I have had to intervene in confrontational exchanges and, one time, this involved what seemed to potentially be a case of domestic violence. I've had a (luckily) very small number of guests hit on me, but it has happened and I am not sure how my younger self would have handled that.

All being said, those problems are from a tiny minority of guests, otherwise I wouldn't still be doing this. I have experienced worse with long term tenants, including serious sexual harassment and more... I totally get why Ted doesn't want to rent to them anymore. 

[Stephanie365]

@Huma0 Let them know any future packages will be marked "Return to Sender" and dropped at the post office.

As an American, I can quite assure you if they're studying overseas, they are quite pampered and entitled. They can seem so sweet, (They think if they're cute they can get away with stuff) but they need a reality check as to what it's like in the real world. That means there are rules that have to be followed.

Have a "house meeting" with both of them together and nicely let them know going forward that any more rules violations and their stays will be terminated with no refunds.  That will probably snap them out of their ditzy haze and get them back on point.  Spank them, metaphorically.

[Huma0]

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@Stephanie365 wrote:

As an American, I can quite assure you if they're studying overseas, they are quite pampered and entitled. .

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That makes sense. What these girls are doing is a luxury that most could not afford. In contrast, I recently hosted an American girl who was only 21, but much more self-sufficient and not ditzy at all. She didn't break any rules and I don't remember her asking me for random extra things. She just 'got it' and was so easy to host. But then this girl wasn't a student. She was an immigrant from a working class family, had a job and had saved for her trip.

I think a metaphorical spanking is in order. I did have words with one of them yesterday about the packages but then the postman attempted to deliver another one today. Strange that she didn't mention to me that she had more on the way... 

[Oomesh-Kumarsingh0]

It seems the stars are not on our side. I am also facing a communication issue. I remember the Airbnb CEO talking about creating the Super Guest title which is similar to the Super Host one. I wonder what happened to this idea.

[Huma0]

@Oomesh-Kumarsingh0 

Yes, Airbnb went very quiet on the Superguest scheme. 

My theory is that they don't want to upset guests. In order to have such a scheme, guests would need to see their star ratings, which are currently hidden from them. They are hidden for a reason! Airbnb doesn't want to lose guests. It doesn't mind losing a few hosts. 

[Oomesh-Kumarsingh0]

You've hit the nail on the head! 

In a perfect world it's the guests that should be punctual and smiling.We are the "Land Lords" after all!

That SuperGuest scheme would have set a level playing field and that would bring a win-win deal.