This is a typical guest.

[Laura2592]

For those of you who have easier guests in general, I just wanted to share what a typical guest we get is like. I always blame it on the culture of the DC metro area, but who knows. Here is a recent example. 

Background: guest stayed for 3 nights. Was supposed to have her daughter come but her daughter backed out so it was just her. Was "upset" by the keypad lock. Called because she did not follow the instructions on how to unlock it and was in a panicked state. I walked her through, told her where to find the traditional key and how to use that instead of the keypad. Then a few questions about things in the house guide. Responded and re-directed to the house guide. (This is the second guest in a month who had keypad issues. But we have not had another all year. There must be something in the air.)

On check out day, my husband sends the following:

"We really hope you enjoyed your stay!

The check out instructions are in the house guidebook on the coffee table. 

Please let us know if anything ran out during your stay so that we can replace it for the next guest.

Safe travels and thanks again for staying!"

This is the response:

"Hi. Just loading the car now and about to leave a message. I AM getting a late start. Hate to leave! First and foremost thank you thank you ... it is such a lovely property.

The hand soap dispenser by the kitchen sink is about empty (Note, there is a big thing of soap very visible in the pantry but no big deal here.) Also I noticed the right arm on the bench needs to be glued back in. It looks like someone tried to use it to support themselves while putting on shoes etc. The next person attempting that might completely break it off? (Note, this bench has never had an issue. I sat on it right before this guest checked in and I dust it every time after the cleaners. It did indeed need gluing after this stay.)

Let's see. I ran the dishwasher. Never used the upstairs. The bathroom sink is emptying slowly (time for more Drano?). Same at home. "Someone" is sending me a message! (Aliens, perhaps?) Oh also the rod for the tub curtain (in the left back corner facing the tub) keeps slipping out. Maybe needs to be re-inserted using more force? I only bathed so not a problem.  (Note, this has happened on occasion with kids who have pulled too hard on the shower curtain. Its not a big deal but she was obviously pulling on it.) I sat outside and one of the rockers creaked a bit so I was worried and moved to the other. Your outdoor table does get dusty. I also noticed that there were insects in the garden.

I wonder if you have ever thought about linen sheets? They get softer every time you wash them. Your washing machine looks to be about 10 years old. I didn't use it but maybe its time to replace it? 

That's all that I can think of. Again many many thanks - time to drive out for the last time.

Regards...Typical Guest for Laura"

There is so much to unpack here. This guest was not nasty but...? I need a new washer? Yes there are insects outside. Linen sheets? I don't even have those on my bed at home. They would be awesome but they are quite pricey and this ain't the Ritz. Obviously there were some small damages here and there. But we did not ask about this. We asked if anything ran out. There was one item specified. 

This was not a problem person overall...

[Brian2036]

@Laura2592 

Obviously you need to tent the garden and exterminate every living creature.

Try to do it while this guest is there also.

People would undoubtedly complain about scratchy linen sheets also. When they’re broken in then they would probably have STAINS! 

Pure silk would be better. Of course you would have to buy new ones for every guest, but who wants to sleep on used sheets anyway???

I think the problem has everything to do with location. 

[Laura2592]

@Brian2036 I do wonder if other hosts have a good portion of guests like these. They aren't bad per se, but they do have a ton of feedback. Sometimes its decent. But others I just scratch my head like "do you really expect that I will replace a perfectly good appliance because you noticed its old?? Why do you care?"

Many guests make me feel like I just had a visit with an in-law. 

[Mark116]

@Laura2592  You kind of opened the door on feedback I guess by asking if anything ran out.

I'm trying to get my mind around 'insects in the garden'...what is the thought behind this comment?  Is she talking about mosquitos so she would have wished you'd sprayed, or has an insect phobia or I don't get it.  A garden outside in the country has insects in it.  Stop the presses!  

[Laura2592]

@Mark116 yeah, I thought about that. We used to not ask for that info, but it definitely helps us not to have to make a million trips to the store. But even when we didn't, we got a lot of helpful suggestions. 

The insect thing is a recurring theme. We spray for mosquitoes and treat the perimeter of the house for other bugs. We provide insect repellent. We live in a very seasonally wet place where insects are a fact of life. I would understand if our guests were all from the desert. But they mostly live in the same region. What are we missing that they don't encounter bugs elsewhere? I don't think our property is particularly bad. 

My husband says that some people think life is one big Yelp review, and that everyone is interested in their opinion 😉 Seems to be very true of many guests we encounter. 

[Sarah977]

@Laura2592  All I can say is OMG. If this was an example of a typical guest for me, I would quit hosting.

Insects in the garden? Yes, and there are clouds in the sky and water in the ocean, too, imagine that.

When youu ask for feedback, maybe you should make it clear that what it refers to are suggestions for little things that might have been useful to have, rather than an entire critique of your listing as if you had requested a paid, professional assessment.

I think you've been hosting plenty long enough now that asking for guest feedback is not going to be particularly useful, and can put them in a critical frame of mind. I would remove that "suggestions" request from your hosting toolbag.

[Laura2592]

@Sarah977 but here is the thing-- we DID NOT ask for feedback in this case. We asked if anything had run out and needed to be replaced. She offered her list of helpful suggestions totally of her own volition. 

[Ann783]

Ugh. @Laura2592 I have gotten the complaint about insects/ants OUTSIDE our cottage. It’s mind-boggling. When I get comments like these, I instinctively raise my rates.

[Laura2592]

@Ann783 I love that approach! 

Guest- "I saw an insect."

Host- "Did you? That will be $20 more dollars per night, please."

Guest-"Why??"

Host- "Nature tax. If you experience any natural elements while you are here, there is an additional service fee. "

[Lenore22]

Nature tax 😂🤣😂

Is this guest newer to the platform?

I think this kind of guest is trying to be helpful to you, not critical as a guest. It makes sense that she was alone and so was able to look at every little thing and made recommendations based on what she would do if it were *her* place. 

@Laura2592 your "in-law" comment is on the money and I think it comes from a similar place: trying to help you improve for others. But as with in-laws we don't always appreciate unsolicited advice, especially coming from a guest.

Similarly, I think the "bugs in the garden" comment was for you to know as a Gardener, in case you want to wipe off aphids, etc--  not necessarily a criticism/complaint as a guest.

You're such an experienced & gracious host that I'm sure you are able to put her at ease and feel "useful" (which is probably all she's looking for) without taking it to heart or reading too much into it.  Honestly, the things people tell us sometimes... 🙄

There must be something about your cottage that speaks to these guests. 🤷‍♀️ We have gotten 1-2 in a year.

[Sarah977]

@Laura2592  My ex, who was a carpenter, used to pad the bill, unbeknowst to the client, with something he privately called "idiot tax". For the clients who changed their mind daily about what they wanted, called him during dinnertime to discuss the project, those who wanted to "help", or stand around watching him work, getting in his way and creating unsafe conditions.

[Sarah977]

@Lenore22 "I think this kind of guest is trying to be helpful to you, not critical as a guest."

Yes, it's called unsolicited advice. Which most people, not just hosts, don't really appreciate. It's one thing to offer unsolicited advice to each other when we see something on another host's listing that may be contributing to an issue they are having,  like complaining about getting partiers, when their listing and wording screams "party house", but if one is going to offer unsolicited advice in another context, asking "Can I offer some unsolicited advice?" is a better way to go about it.

[Anonymous]

@Laura2592   It's funny...a common refrain I hear in these circles, in response to problematic guests, is "raise your rates." Personally, my experience has been the opposite. My budget-travel guests have been uniformly appreciative of everything, but I've only encountered guests like Miss Typical when I've dared to apply premium pricing in the peak seasons. Over time, I realized that the main problem was scarcity - I always had fantastic guests when there was a wide array of other options available, but as soon as the hotels and private flats filled up, those grumpy nitpickers came out of the woodwork to helpfully suggest that I make my building newer and my bathroom bigger, or change the ethnicity of my neighbors. I guess there's just something about Berlin that attracts people with a Final Solution for everything.

I imagine that if your cottage were in an area with a high density of listings, your typical guests would be chilled-out people who really appreciate its unique charms and find it perfect for their needs. But when you have to cast a wider net, you harvest a lot of jellyfish.

[Sarah977]

@Laura2592  Of course my listing is quite different from yours, but here is my typical guest:

G: "Hi Sarah, I'm at the bus stop".

Me: "Okay, I'll be there in 7 minutes."

G: " Thank you so much for coming to pick me up, that's so nice of you."

Me: "No problem, it's a quick drive and my house is hard to find the first time."

I show the guest to their room.

"Oh, this is so charming."

Orient them to what they need to know up there and tell them when they get settled I'll show them around the kitchen layout.

They come downstairs at some point, I offer them a cold drink or a coffee, we sit at the outside table, chat a bit, they might tell me about their journey to get here. Then I show them how the front door lock works, where everything is in the kitchen, and then they either go into town, or might go have a lay down if they've had a long trip.

Their stay usually consists of a mix of spending their days in town and the beach, and lazing around here at home. Some I barely see, some I spend quite a bit of time with.

Me: "It's been 5 days, I'll give you clean bedding and towels this afternoon. Would you like me to remake the bed or would you prefer to do it yourself?"

G: "Oh, thank you, I can do it, no problem." Or " Oh, I don't need clean linens. I sleep on the same set at home for about 10 days. And I still have a towel I haven't even used yet."

Check out day.

Me:" What time do you need to be at the airport? I'll give you a lift to the bus stop with your bags."

G: "Really? Are you sure? That would be awesome."

Drop off.

G: "Thank you so much for everything, I had a great time."

That is honestly my typical guest.

[Laura2592]

@Sarah977 let's trade places. I won't even  charge you a nature tax