Ungrateful Guests

[Cheryl863]

Hi Everyone , 

Hope you are all doing well. 

My most recent guest was really ungrateful and made me feel like a stranger in my own home. 

1- organizing lunch and dinner externally 

Despite offering to provide numbers of food service providers to get food as requested by the guest, I was always left to pick up the tab and then would have to leave reminders to have this tab paid. The sums were so paltry and yet I had to run around (on the phone multiple times). 

edited to add : 

1A when I would make the rice for her and requested her to clean up - as it would have been a kind thing for the guest to do - the pan was left for 2 days. Every time I would be told “not feeling well” and “I will do it later because I didn’t want to disturb you” (1-3am ) 

so then finally when AirBNB said I needed to draw boundaries with the guest, I said to the guest what about the day time. Imagine just 2 pans. The guest always had an answer; either low bp or not feeling well or heart rate very high etc 

the most poignant part is that the guest would verbally say I will wash the dishes after I made the rice or the daal and then on WA say something else. The guest made me feel imagined what she verbally said because what she put down on WA was so different. 

AirBNB also said that I could tell her to find another place … but with all her medical statuses I didn’t know what to believe.

2- cooking food 1-3am 

Even after organizing 1- food was being cooked between 1-3am and this ended up with me waking up several times and then finding it hard to get back to sleep. She would just call and expect me to have something made. After a few days I had to call AirBnB as I started having migraines and thinking I was imagining all of this. 

3- room in filthy state 

The room was left in a filthy state and at first I thought it was vomit on the sheet. So I messaged asking if I could get meds and I was told it was food left on the sheets. The stains never went and I just will buy a new sheet. There were wrappers all over the bed and on the table and food particles. It was so upsetting because the furniture is the best and more expensive than what I have in my own room. 

4- efforts to organize food belittled because I wasn’t available one afternoon 

Then after eating the food and told it was nice; on account of not being available one afternoon I was shouted at and insulted both on WA after my call was disconnected. All this because I expressed concern after being informed that the guest had a rare disease and low bp. So when the guest said she was sitting in a coffee shop I organized for the guest to go to my brothers house as I wasn’t comfortable giving her the key. 

at this point I made it a point to write exactly what was verbally said by the guest because it was so different to what was written. Just so that I knew I didn’t imagine any of this. 

5- tickets Inter-State never shared both prior to coming and after having left 

never shared so I had no way of knowing till she reached home. I found this very odd. 

6- extended stay 

offered money and when I didn’t accept I was told why can’t you accept everyone does and also that something had come up and that the guest would be leaving. First given a different airline for the return journey and then when I returned home as I had to collect my vehicle registration card urgently I was told sorry change of plans the guest would be staying. Plus the return airline then changed. 

7- extended stay - tests

the guest then said some med tests were required and I organized this immediately as one of my own family is yet is terminally ill and then just about 1/2 an hour after sending the confirmation via WA the guest said not required because apparently the Dr called and said that the meds had to be stopped prior to getting tests done. 

8- sugar cubes 

told that no sugar cubes were available in Delhi and Kolkata (I know this isn’t true) but I went and ordered her some anyway and also some orange lozenges. 

9- Dr visits 

when I offered to drop the guest because she kept saying low bp - it was never accepted. 

10- Snack box 

every time snack boxes were made for the guest, they were never returned till 2 days later. The excuses I was given made me feel that again I was imagining stuff. First I was told that I forgot the boxes in the clinic. Then it happened again and again. Even the spoons. Finally the guest asked if she could keep the snack box and I ended up buying her a set of boxes to just take (aluminum box for food on the go). The guest gave me the spoons which were soiled and it was upsetting truly to be subjected to this in some form or the other. 

11- bottles 

as I offer all guests free bottled water, this guest took about 10-12 bottles in her bag. No guest has done this to me ever. 

12- Departure 

I was sitting in the living room with an awful migraine in the dark. The door was opened and I was in the dark of course. She came in and there was someone else who was entering. When she saw me she said oh I have a friend and can he come in. I really was upset and had to muster all the will possible to be calm about this. 

So I had a chat with him in the living room. This gentleman couldn’t have just come in at the last moment and not have known about her trip. Also considering that she got a total stranger to my home - someone who now knows my address and is from a university of question - is really unsettling for me. 

The guest mentioned that he had come to help her. 

yet considering her medical condition and also the low bp she carried her own back pack which was extremely heavy. 

13- room checking on check out 

found the dettol bottle missing. The first thing the guest said was that she had taken it to be used in the hospital but when she returned the bottle - it was unopened. 

After all this I get lots of thank you messages on WA 

For a week I battled with going into the guest room and aired it all out. Washed out each and everything. Had it all dry cleaned. Although this is normal , this time round it felt like an unbearable weight. 

When it came to writing the review I was told to write the truth. But I couldn’t so I just wrote a one liner and gave the guest all 5* 

I have been sick and got fevers and migraines and felt like an outsider in my own home. 

And for that I did I never got even a single word of thanks - nothing that she said on WA ever made it’s way here. 

No words for the ingratitude. 
Instead I wished the guest the very best. 

Now I will not be accepting anyone who asks about when my family will come and go. That to me is a big red flag right there. 

How would you have handled this? 
thank you in advance 

with kind regards 

Cheryl 

[Jennifer1897 · Accepted solution]

@Cheryl863 Sorry to hear you had a bad guest. Below are a few suggestions for you. 

1. The first concern appears to be with meals or providing food. In your listing it states the following:

"As much as I charge a small fee for breakfast yet; so far I haven't charged the first three guests at all and was delighted to do so. Going forward there will be a small fee."

You say I didn't charge previous guest but now I will be moving forward. That is somewhat confusing. Be very clear on what you provide and what the service costs. Additionally, the fact that you chose to not charge previous guest is irrelevant and should be removed from the listing description. You are more likely to have guests asking for free meals or assuming they will not be charged if this is left as is.

Also, you say you paid for meals she ordered. Again, it is fine to assist guests with services, but you should not be paying for her food or picking it up.  If you agree to assist a guest with something that requires additional funds, always collect those funds upfront and be clear on what service it is you are providing. In your listing it does not state that you provide this service, so you have every right to decline to do so.

As for late cooking, you can set rules that dictate hours in which guest can access the kitchen. This way you avoid late night/morning usage that is disruptive to you. You can also include a caveat about cleaning up after themselves. Make sure these rules are clearly stated in the listing. While it varies from host to host, many people also place the rules in their welcome material or message. 

2. Medical assistance- It may just be a cultural difference, but you should not be offering medical care or extended assistance to guest. This is not within the scope of an airbnb host and can actually set you up for legal issues. Providing medical basics or directing them to local facilities to assist with the medical needs is fine. Your listing says the following: 

"In case you are diabetic or have any medical prescriptions whereby you are unable to organize this for any reason please let me know before you travel so that I can organize this and have the link sent to you so that the vendor can be paid directly via payTM/ G Pay etc"

Again, it is ok to refer people to the proper place to meet their medical needs, but I would not be involving myself to the extent you are setting up their p[rescriptions and payments. I would remove this from your listing.

3. Bottled water, extra guest, etc- As mentioned before be very clear in your rules about things such as this. If you say "free bottled water" with no limitations, then a guest is going to help themselves. People will often take advantage of free. You can mitigate this by providing a set number of waters per day. As for extra guest, be very clear in your listing what you are allowing. For example, you can only allow registered guests, or you can allow non-registered guest with approval. 

4. Transport- While it was nice that you transported a guest that had an ailment, you have the right to say no and assist her with simply getting a ride via taxi or whatnot. It sounds like you went out of your way to drive her to Dr's visit and set her up at your brother's home (Not sure why this was) Again, this is not a service listed in your listing, so you have no obligation to drive people places. 

5. Appreciation: Airbnb is often a hit or miss as far as praise or a simple "thank you" goes. Some guest will go out of their way to voice their appreciation while others will never say a word despite you trying to please them hand over foot. I know it's difficult to not feel we received any kudos for our hard work, but it's just part of the business. It appears you have good reviews and guest who appreciated your accommodations so just keep moving forward and keep that in mind. 

Lastly, if you ever feel a guest is violating your house rules or your feel uncomfortable, you have a right to cancel the reservation and ask them to leave. Also, always leave honest reviews. this helps future host know what to expect when accepting a guest. 

[Cheryl863]

Hello Jennifer 

Your reply is much appreciated. 
It was received immediately. 

The delay is not customary in my nature and the reason is that we are handling a family emergency at the moment. 

Will write back later this evening or latest by tomorrow morning. 

Thank you so much Jennifer for having taken the time out to go through all the angst and the upset. It means a great deal. 

With kind regards

Cheryl 

[Cheryl863]

Hello Jennifer 

Your time and effort is much appreciated all the way from across the world.

Hope you are fine Jennifer. 

Most of your advice has been implemented , if not all of it : ) 

1. The first concern appears to be with meals or providing food. In your listing it states the following:

^have subsequently deleted free breakfast because the experience with the said guest left the kitchen in such a state that I had to cater to post breakfast hours leading up to and until lunch time. The same was the case for dinner.

Home made food supplier numbers were given to the guest and yet they were not paid till a day or two days later. I know the suppliers having dealt with them for years as one of my own family was suffering from cancer. They make the best food and delivered almost instantly. It’s not left hanging around. So the guest was charged the same rate. Which was really the best and a canteen rate if you like.

Still I had to remind and WhatsApp and ask several times if they were paid. It was awful. At one point she said the food provided was horrible and a few days later agreed to having food from the same home made food supplier. That lady felt awful and so did I. It was like having organized the meals was rubbished and so was the effort of all home made food suppliers to get her the best. Told them all to especially look after her food.

This was mostly not communicated and it meant being tied up for the whole day. Not just that but was subjected to being called names for not being there and then told I could put it down on AirBNB. After reading all that and my calls being dropped and being shouted at and lied to; I had to express that I would not be subjected to any sort of off setting behavior and name calling.

That day I tried desperately to get help and at least on 5-7 occasions was forced to put things on text as opposed to have had someone call me from the AirBnB side.

When the call finally happened I was told that I could get her to leave and find alternative accommodation but I felt that perhaps it was these rare medical conditions that was causing her to behave in this manner.

It is a well known fact that for all : any diseases sugar is a massive culprit. And yet the guest could have indefinite amounts of all sorts of chocolates and biscuits and pizza but not onions, tomatoes, and potato.

Yet the last two days from the same home made food supplier who was rubbished , the guest said it was okay. How could this be possible ?

Yes you are indeed correct with respect to the freebies expected and unconditionally so.

I offered the best rice because no home made supplier will give the best basmati. They never have. So I was happy to give that. But she wanted it cooked. After a few days and that outburst I realized I was being had. So I told her that she could have the rice and cook it herself.

She then wasted so much of it and didn’t wash up. Again the excuse was I’m not feeling well. So I had to leave it there deliberately to make a point. Again it was left without being washed.

The same with the pulses. Told her that the rice was offered and that the pulses was payable at a paltry sum of just RS-105 and that was not paid whilst staying at home. I requested it and it was paid for after she had left.

On account of the late cooking I will not be having anyone cooking meals and leaving things in a filthy state. The home has never been in such a state when my own Grandmother was sick. She kept such a clean house. That was the biggest upset for me. It is as such an undignified way to conduct oneself.

Will definitely implement what you have advised ⬇️

((As for late cooking, you can set rules that dictate hours in which guest can access the kitchen. This way you avoid late night/morning usage that is disruptive to you. You can also include a caveat about cleaning up after themselves. Make sure these rules are clearly stated in the listing. While it varies from host to host, many people also place the rules in their welcome material or message. ))

☝️

2- Medical assistance

Agreed and taken off. Your advice is appreciated.

Yes you are right my listing actually refers to basics available such as balms for migraines, cold, and sprains.

In this case offered to drop the guest given the extreme heat and her low BP - even though the guest used UBER extensively. The offer was never accepted and an emergency number of one of her friends in Mumbai was never received.

3- Bottled water

This has been changed again thanks to your advice. To be honest this is the only guest who has taken 10-12 bottles in a day. The default bottles are not included in this number. Not even the couples who have stayed here behaved like this. Because my guests feel at home and have never betrayed my kindness.

I only came to know a day prior when all the bottles were found on the bed, under the bed, on the study desk etc in addition to food stains, wrappers left everywhere and mid-stay.

4- Transport

It was causing me anxiety because she would come up and show her watch and say “irregular heartbeat” and “low bp” and that is why I would offer. First she would say yes and then she would say that she has a girl friend who lives close by and she was accompanying her.

One day she said she was unwell and was going with the said girl friend to the beach with her low bp intact. All effort to get the number failed and I stayed up till she came home.

5- Appreciation

Tbh this guest and the prior guest who was a woman really appreciated nothing. It was said to me verbally and on WA but no review. I struggled with writing the review / my close friends too, like yourself said to write the truth. I did and then just put 2 lines instead of what actually took place. I was happy to have my home back to clean and get back to it’s tranquil state. It took me a week to enter the room. Caused me anxiety and I just did the whole thing over the week. It was just nauseating especially the kitchen. Everything was cleaned over twice.

6- Violating house rules

Yes I will do this the next time and hope that no one comes here and takes kindness for granted ever again.

7- Saying things and then behaving as if they were never said

So I started putting this down in writing over WA to the guest just to reinforce that the conversation did happen and that I had not imagined it in the first place. I have no words to describe this behavior.

Thank you Jennifer 

Sorry for the delay in having replied. 

With kind regards

Cheryl

[Charles224]

@Cheryl863 you are a total angel.

I was astounded at the lengths you went to to show kindness to this 'guest' and totally agree with @Jennifer1897 's advice. Keep up the hard work, you are a real BnB operator and the world needs you.

(I suggest a change in your profile picture as you look quite stern - we all know you have a beautiful smile).

Cheers, Charles

[Cheryl863]

@Charles224 thank you for your kind words. As much as it means a great deal to have guests feel at home, this guest claimed that there was a rare condition. It took me a while to understand that I was being had. Still I did my best to stay the same and got all the home made food suppliers to deliver stuff / drop it off / liaised with them.

Even that lady who was rubbished. I shared the screenshot with her and it really hurt her to say the least. It also upset me. Still she was gracious to supply when I called in for her request I think a day prior to her leaving. She still did it.

And me too; I made the rice and daal like clockwork. Washed up as well. Generally when I provide breakfast I don’t let guests wash. I want them to focus on their leaving for work etc or whatever their holiday plans are. 

My only expectation was to have not just offered but to actually wash the 2 pans used where the rice and daal was made and the soaking bowl.

The ticket prior to coming was never shared so I didn’t have any idea as to when she was reaching. And also the safety element when I requested to please share the UBeR link. The ticket booked whilst leaving also wasn’t shared either. 

But what was shared was the complete stranger who was bought home and would have entered the house in my absence. It was because she saw me in the living room (day of departure) that she said she had someone. 

And to have a complete stranger know my house address makes me feel really uneasy. 

Will do something on the photo. Just not sure when. 

Thank you Charles for writing in. 
Appreciated 

With kind regards 

Cheryl