@Anonymous Yes, 24 messages would be really overboard and annoying. It's nice that you sent a message when you checked in and again when when you left, and that you said thanks, and it's reasonable to want to know what to expect in terms of how far you would be from public transport, especially when travelling with 3 little kids, but 24 messages for a 3 day stay is pretty excessive.
I know the young texting generation has a habit of sending one line texts, one after the other, instead of just asking everything in one text. It's a pretty annoying way to communicate to those who don't operate like that. I hate it when people do that to me. I'm just composing a reply and 3 more text messages form the same person, one sentence each, come in. Drives me batty.
Yes, the host should have made sure to check the listing to make sure there was soap and shampoo and whatever else she says she provides, as well as left instructions for the laundry pods. But you could have and gone and gotten some soap yourself, considering that she had already gone out of her way to accomodate what you needed arranged for the kids and spent a bunch of time answering your messages.
It does sound like the host may have not made things clear (was there a house manual?) and that you were trying to do the right thing, but it also seems like you had a lot of demands, expected a lot, needed a lot of hand-holding, constantly bombarded the host with messages about every little thing and didn't cut her the least amount of slack on anything. Both hosts and guests need to be not so picky about every little thing and concentrate on the positive. Otherwise you should just book hotels.
And something you should know about Airbnbs- you say you washed the quilt- guests should never wash anything of the host's, like bedding or towels, unless instructed to do so. Most hosts prefer to deal with the laundry themselves, as they may need to pre-treat something that might stain, whereas the guest might just throw it in the machine on hot water, making the stains impossible to ever get out and the stuff then needs to be thrown away. If you spill something on the bedding, or get some blood or food on them, you should let the host know right away so they can let you know what they'd like you to do with it. Guests have been upset to find that they are expected to pay for ruined bedding, but that might have been avoided had they let the host know at the time.