Need advice on deescalating situation with possible sociopath guest

[Lisa1680]

HELP!  would really appreciate fellow host advice (warning: disgusting content)

I've been host for 8 months (made super host few months ago) and an ABB guest myself for over 7 years. I'm currently experiencing a truly upsetting situation and hoping to resolve professionally and calmly with causing escalation but I'm concerned I'm dealing with a sociopath guest - appears to be devoid of remorse and fabricating lies about my space and their experience.

This guest just joined in January 2019 and clearly doesn't understand the home sharing community expectation of respect. I believe he will abuse other spaces so want to report him while also not starting a war and endangering my safety.

I was his first ever booking. He turned my beautiful space into a frat boy rec room drunken party with his friend by moving furniture and bringing in their own sound system blasting music at completely off the hook levels for 5 hours (I left the building cause I couldn't stand it). They went out to a rave 11pm - 5am.

They broke multiple house rules on parking, garbage and didn't put furniture back but I could have let all those go except for ....  the worst of it: they left a disgusting toilet absolutely full of feces (so sorry to put that in your mind's eye!). I cannot unsee this. It felt like total disrespect and was super upsetting. I have deduced it may have been on purpose because they slept in past check out and got pissed off when I knocked shortly after 11am to remind of 11am check out time.

I have photo and video proof of everything.

I'm not saying "socipath" lightly. When I wrote them later in the day about the toilet I said I'd wait to hear from them before reporting to ABB - you know, give him a chance to apologise and say they were hungover or whatever. But no, his response was to take zero responsibility for any infractions, have zero remorse and truly unbelievably blamed ME for the unflushed toilet because they were being "rushed out". wow. Who does that? The thing that makes me nervous is that he proceeded to also blame me for many fabricated issues that not one of my past 52 bookings have ever mentioned. I haven't answered his msg yet. Was too upset. Now editing a response to just the facts.

BUT in the meantime ....

I got a notice he has reviewed me! UG.  I've never been in a situation before where I don't want someone's review to get posted. I'm certain it will say mean, untrue things. But of course I can't read it without writing one of my own. I don't want my rating to go down.

QUESTIONS:

1. If I review him both reviews would become public so I intend not to, but is there a time limit beyond which his review will be automatically posted even if I don't review him back? In other words, can I ignore it so it will it never be seen ...

2. Beside his profile pic there is the option to report him for being "offensive". will he learn it was me or will they just ban him?

I honestly think he should be banned from the site. But since I am his one and only booking, any report of him being offensive he will know came from me. He only lives a few hours down the highway and he clearly has issues - I feel nervous he will retaliate. I'm a woman living alone. So do I leave it, keep my eye on end game and not report?

I want to protect my fellow hosts from EVER having him as a guest.

Any ideas greatly appreciated!

[Emiel1]

@Lisa1680,

A review is allways published, if you do not write one, it's after 14 days anyway. You have the opportunity the add a public comment, or ask Airbnb to remove it, but only possible if it violates their terms.

The  "flag" option on the profile just reports the guest to Airbnb. They will investigate it. It is also possible to "flag" certain messages.

You can also contact Airbnb to complain about the guest and ask advice, especcialy if you are afraid of  retaliation (i hope conversations are all in the message-system, so they can see it also)

Contact Airbnb - A Community Help Guide [UPDATED] 

Reading your posting i think such a guest should not be on the platform and other hosts must be protected by deactiving the account. But that is up to Airbnb to decide.

Best regards,

Emiel

[Lisa1680]

Thank you so much Emiel for taking the time to answer. This is valuable information and I appreciate it a lot. I'm gathering info and strategizing for how to protect our airbnb community for abusers but also keep myself safe from harm as well. Some of that can only be determined once I read the level of rancor in the review. Also, now that you mention the airbnb internal messaging can potentially provide further proof of this person's malintentions, that gives me confidence to reply back to him with facts.

merci bien!

[Liz582]

Hi 

I sympathise with you I have had a bad experience too and am worried about receiving a bad review and what to say myself. 

My guest after getting a good discount from me brought an un housetrained puppy in , and after refusing to let me clean had 2 attempts, one failed, to get a refund for cleanliness and amenities!  Airbnb’s policy allowed her to take 1000£!  I’m livid. My next guest has had a look before confirming and loves the place. 

[Sarah977]

@Lisa1680  If such a thing ever happens again, I would suggest that you handle it quite differently.

You say he brought in a stero system and was blasting music for 5 hours and that you left because you couldn't stand it. The instant he started blasting music, you could have told him that level of sound was not acceptable- that he needed to turn it down. If he refused to turn it down, you contact Aiurbnb and tell them the guest needs to be removed from your property ASAP. You don't have to put up with horrid, disrespectful people in your home. Being professional isn't the same thing as being a doormat and sucking up every type of outrageous guest behavior.

Also, you say he lives in the area. So why did he rent your place? The majority of hsts on this forum recommend never renting to locals- it's almost always bad. They are either looking to party, deal drugs, turn tricks, etc. There could be some legitimate reasons for someone local to look for an Airbnb- maybe their house is undergoing renos or had a plumbing disaster. You could ascertain why a local wanted to rent your place through messaging, although there's no guarantee that they'll be honest. And really, even if someone local needed to move out of their place for a few days, it would seem strange to me that they wouldn't have a friend or relative who could put them up for a few days, especially if it's just a single person or a couple. 

[Lisa1680]

@Sarah977 you're right, I should have stopped it earlier. Not sure why I didn't. It was a new situation for me and I thought that to tolerate it makes me a good host. But indeed I should have nipped it in the bud.

I believe he brought a sound system cause he was expecting he would have a whole coachhouse building all to himself and wanted to blast EDM / dance music to warm up for their rave. That's another way he was oblivious to reality: In his rebuttal message he accused my listing of being misleading (there are plenty of references in my info that refer to "upper floor unit"; 3 in the first section in fact + Toronto Bi laws state Airbnb hosts must live on premises). 

Not from same city of Toronto but a city 2 hours away and they came for a rave - the tickets were left on the table. So it was their big night in Toronto. 

However ... I HAVE had that experience with local same city people using for booty call (had 3 of those in my first few months til I caught on).

I've had so many amazing guests, met folks from Berlin, New York, Texas, Australia ... even 20 something guys like these but never showing this amount of entitlement and gaslighting. 

thanks for your valuable input!

[Alon1]

@Sarah977

re: 'locals'.

I deal with quite a lot of Londoners.

Aside party seekers whom I decline by rote, the requests are almost exclusively related to housing,

eg, temporary accommodation needed in between leases, renovations, etc.

I've hardly experienced any problems in six  years. -- On the contrary, the vast majority are good, decent, people.

I especially look forward to receiving these Guest because more often than not following the initial booking they request extension of days, weeks or months. The Guests are most grateful for the flexible arrangements that do not require complex contracts, agent fees and so on.

[Teresa346]

I really think Airbnb should have some responsibility for actions bellow:  A. a black list of guests for all the hosts to see. B, Same ID should not allow to set up two accounts.  C, A whole face and ears should show when submit photoes of guests.  D, Hosts should be able to warn other hosts without exposed themselves to criminals.   I just witness my friend who host Airbnb filing police report on his guests today.  Heather from Salt Lake City not only had a drug party, her a her guests steal things, broke the safe box, broke the mobile home....The police only gave a case number and not even arresting them because they deny it?   I was shocked as a witness today.  This is short  after Abgail from Orem Utah just robed his whole house, we both reported and complaint to Airbnb.  Airbnb said nothing they could do about it.   Now Airbnb not want to let hosts see the picture of guests before booking?  Not verified government ID?  1/4 of the face photo which is not nearly the actual look of the person check in?  I feel so bad about recommend Airbnb to friends and family.  Cash, jewly, birth certificates, social security cards, visa, checks, electronic items...everything you could think about for drug users to cash in for supply., gone.  2 guests cost more than one whole year revenue from Airbnb.  What do Airbnb do to protects hosts?  What does Airbnb pay back to hosts?  We were just become more frustrated with Airbnb's rules are not on hosts side.  

[Sandra856]

Hi @Lisa1680 :-)

Sorry to read about your horrible guest!

Please write an honest review to warn future hosts. 

Just a short, non-emotionel, factual review with a "I do not recommend". 

I have written a couple of bad reviews myself. It is not very pleasant but important.

You would probably also hate to read his most likely bad review even more if you didn't wrote an honest one yourself.

When you reply to his bad review of his stay you could do it in a way that make him look like the idiot and you as the great host you are. It is all about how it is worded. 

All the best, Sandra

[Sandra856]

@Lisa1680 This is a great thread about writing those not so great reviews :-)

https://community.withairbnb.com/t5/Hosting/How-to-handle-those-difficult-reviews/m-p/298189

[Lisa1680]

@Sandra856 Thank you so much for your support and your advice. I especially like the part about making him "look like the idiot" haha. 

Hey, know what? that link you sent below is written by Robin in Australia and he actually wrote to me as well with some great advice!

Loving the feeling of community.

Take care

[Gordon]

@Lisa1680 Bad news, you've had a pretty rubbish experience. Sociopaths? No, I wouldn't say so, more like how you summed them up: "clearly doesn't understand the home sharing community expectation of respect."

There are people out there who just don't know how to respect other peoples' property/stuff, and it's our jobs as hosts to a) weed them out at booking stage, b) kick them out at the first signs of trouble (the music would have been enough for me) and, finally, c) reviewing crappy guests that do slip through 

Now, brush yourself down, take a deep breath, and leave a succint review of these slobs. 

Your next guests will restore your faith in what you do. 

[Lisa1680]

@Gordon thanks for the support. I especially take solace in your last sentence ... and I have a lovely couple coming from NYC this weekend and they are already being so sweet in messages. Indeed I was probably statistically due for a **bleep**ty (pun intended) guest. :) Cheers!

[Cormac6]

@Lisa1680

I would not go into to much detail in there review something like,

"These Guests were not inclined to flush toilet, enough said!"

and leave it at that, don't forget to give them a thumps down the filty scum.

[Lisa1680]

@Cormac6 thank you for the support.