Hello everyone,
Me and my boyfriend who are relatively new to Air-bnb have an inhouse listing, a private room with private bathroom. We´ve had 5 good experiences this far, until a guy from Brazil came and stayed 6 nights, he left at noon and I`m still shaken up about what happened.
Please excuse this super lengthy post, perhaps it can serve as entertainment for other inhouse hosts hiding away from creepy guests hiding in their rooms browsing other hosts experiences. So. First thing he said to me upon arrival was that I was a courageous person to open up my house to strangers. In hinsight i see that was probably the first red flag. It was his first time with AIR-bnb he told me. First thing he did was to make himself feel very at home in our kitchen, something that put me a little aback, not because he wasn`t welcome to do so, just because he did so without asking. We say in our listing that guests are free to use the kitchen, but ask them to ask us first. After that, he acted as the kitchen was basically his, and he was occupying it very often, and definetly allways coming into the kitchen whenever i would be there preparing food or cleaning dishes or whatever in the days that followed.
He was an extremely chatty guest, who really just vomited out on topic after topic with little regards as to which it is of any interest to the listeners. Both me and boyfriend are naturally less talkative than him, but we tried making an effort being polite and interested in what he had to say. Soon it was obvious he would use each single opportunity he had being in the same room as us (which means all the rooms except our respective private bedrooms, as it is an open solution house). He talked to us ALL THE TIME. Each night i escaped to my room with my laptop, googling different vesions along the lines of "how to deal with guest who is too talkative/annoying/wont ever leave us alone etc... on air-bnb".
On several occasions he crossed my personal boundaries without me knowing how to put him in his place, me i guess giving him the benefit of the doubt as he was also a nice person. I was trying to be a good host, reading those threads in this forum which all kind of said "just bite your teeth and get it over with, guest will be gone soon and you`ll have your review". Also his cultural background differs from mine and that`s the reason for the frequent small clashes - me i`m Norwegian and less likely to touch a stranger, especially one of the opposite sex if im not hitting on this person. ANYWAY - this week went a little something like this:
The first morning, he woke me up at 5am, talking loudly on the phone in portugese with his bedroom door open. His bedroom is opposite of ours, with approximately 2,5 m in between and it is to me, that you keep that door close if you wanna talk loudly on the phone when the rest of the house is sleeping. Following that, i asked him to please close his door so we could all have some privacy in our respective rooms. Next morning he leaned over and smelled my hair and exclaimen a soft "mmm" as i was bending over the computer to help him search for something on google maps, and some of my hair fell down and he apparently felt welcome to lean over and smell it. He had made an in my opinion innapropriate remark on my "beautiful red hair" and that he was kind of getting jelly whenever he saw a red haired woman. He said this in front of both me and my boyfriend, we kind of just shrugged it off as him being weird and not knowing how to act and what to say.
Next morning he was putting himself in my way as i was doing the dishes, "accidentially" stepping with his naked feet on my naked feet. As i was stretching my arms out he could spot that i have a tattoo on the inside of my underarm, going up into my armpit. I was wearing a tight T-shirt, the sleave covering the armpit, and before i realized what he was doing, he touched my upper underarm and pulled the t-shirt back so he could see the tattoo in my armpit. Again totally baffled i just removed myself from the situation, hoping my body language would be a clear enough indication i didnt like to be touched. Next morning, i`m sitting with my laptop as far away from the kitchen as possible, apparantly we are friendly enough now that it is natural for him to walk all the way across the kitchen and livingroom towards where im sitting, trying to have some time-out from him, he walks over to me and kisses me on each cheek to say goodbye for the day - this was not a french kiss in the air but firmly putting his lips on both my cheeks. (sure thing he will be back in 30 mins.) Next morning, i also remove myself from the kitchen to try to give him the hint that i want some space, again sitting down with my laptop to work. He comes over and asks me, completely uninvited, if i do excersizes. He then proceeds to go down on all four, table top position crotch facing upwards and towards me, holding it like that, just showing it to me. I`m completely baffled and dont even respond. He turns around and does the corresponding opposite stretch. I just dont say anything, until he gets up and leaves me alone. Let me be clear: I did not like this guy. I worked hard on being polite and friendly and accepting while in reality he annoyed me all the time he was in this house.
Today as he was finally leaving, check-out time 12:00, he comes downstairs after having peed and showered with his bedroom door open (i couldnt see him, but definetly hear him) to the common room at 11:20 with his stuff packed and tells me that he wants to give me a little tip regarding the house before he leaves. He tells me our bathroom door, which is next to the kitchen - is semi see-through, and that he has "seen me naked both front and back" every morning i have been in the shower. I was not aware of this, believe it or not, because the door is only ever closed when someone is in there, and it doesnt look see through from the inside. It is me and my boyfriends shower, and whenever bf is in there i`m busy doing something else, not looking at the door realizing it is kinda see-through. So i didnt know this, and my guest let me know 40 mins before check out time after having been in my house for a week. Now we understand how he magically appeared downstairs every morning i was there, making good use of the time my boyfriend was still asleep upstairs. He proceeds to give me some frightening, theatrical show with extremely sexually laden heavy breathing, grabbing his chest dramatically, making a point of how difficult it has been for him to restrain himself while being here in this house watching me naked all the time. I put my hand up to stop the show, make him know i DID NOT know this and it was NOT my intention to show myself to him, trying to end this awquard situation asap. but he kept on for 5 mins while i was getting increasingly uncomfortable. He then went into the shower, closed the door to make me see how he has seen me in the shower. This was so extremely creepy for me to realize that this guy that i didnt like the vibe from from the minute he came into my house, has exploited me not knowing this and basically come down each mornign to watch me in the shower, then doing some kind of creepy advances towards me afterwards. Then he announced that he wanted to cook abit before he left!! 30 mins until checkout. I wanted to ask him to get the **bleep** out of my house, but instead kind of freaked out inside my head, hands and face already feeling numb from shock, and left the house for 10 mins. Then decided to come back to make sure he actually left. When i came back, he was sat in the kitchen eating, i reached out my hand and thanked him for staying with us, asking him to leave the key in the box as he left. He asked me if he could GIVE ME A HUG. I said no thanks, i feel pretty uncomfortable about what i just learned, i hope you understand, and i would appreaciate it if you leave now. Still freaking out, i went to my room to call a friend, him looking dissapointed after me and saying he is used to hug his friends in Brazil. 11:50, im afraid he wont leave the key, so i go down after him, carry his second suitcase that he has left upstairs in the livingroom. He tells me he is considering leaving it here as he is going to walk to the hotel he will be staying at, and come back for the second suitcase later. (!?!) Im asking to get the key from him, signalling i want him to go and lock the door after him. I`m still on the phone, he signals he wants to wait until im finished. I insist that he leaves, still super polite, just firm. He leaves, i get the key, i feel completely violated in my own home.
Next, a whatsapp conversation continues. I`m gonna copy paste:
Him: "Thank you a lot for you very kind hospitality. I told some facts that I realized with the best of intentions. I hoped that by clearly speaking the truth, it could help you, your boyfriend and the couple avoid future problems and I would be a good friend. But I was actually thrown out, almost expelled, for wanting to help. Please note that the situations I have told you may well have occurred to other guests in the past, but they never said anything to you because none of them really cared about you. Some of these facts I haven't told you before, because I was really confuse about what was happening and, sorry once for saying that, but in doubt about your own intentions. Surely, if I had reported nothing, I would be much better seen than I am now, I would have received a beautiful smile from you instead of being thrown out. From this I learn some things and let me know if I am wrong: 1- Most people are not prepared to be helped; 2- Most people hate the truth and ALWAYS prefer appearance; 3- For such people, a friend is one who maintains his appearance and not one who shows him a mistake. Greetings, X"
HE WAS IN DOUBT ABOUT MY INTENSIONS.
Me: "Dear X, I will write you a response later, I am busy working right now. No hard feelings. I wasn`t aware of what you told me, and I was surprised and very uncomfortable with the situation and didn`t quite know what to do. I am surprised that you are not able to see that from my situation, that I just realize a man has seen me almost naked in my own house without me being aware of it, multiple times, only to tell me upon departure and also asking about a hug afterwords. I didn`t mean to throw you out, that was your intepretation of the situation, I politely thanked you for your stay and closed the door behind you as you left."
Him: "As I told you, I was confused by such events. First, it was not I who provoked these situations. Second, you put yourself in my place: 1-How is it possible in your own house and you no longer know that the door is transparent? 2-Two people inside the brightly lit room with little or no clothes on and the curtain CLEARLY OPEN showing your body? What do you want me to think? Put yourself in my place. I thought you were doing it on purpose and maybe you had another profession, and I was just resisting the temptation. Only after I saw that your work was real did I think of telling you. But it is not an easy subject to talk about. About the hug: Yes, I hug my friends. It is a sign of friendship to me. I gave Lova a hug and it would be to say the same to you, that there are no hard feelings from me, that I understood that you were not doing such things on purpose, that everything was ok."
HE THOUGHT I WAS DOING IT ON PURPOSE AND MAYBE HAD ANOTHER PROFESSION, AND HE WAS JUST RESISTING THE TEMPTATION.
Now i see he has left me a review, cant read it until i have left him one. I dont know what to do. Any advice?
