Disrespectful guest

[Heather18]

I have a couple staying with me and they raded my kitchen last night. They polished off a pan of brownies and a huge thing of gummy worms and left everything sitting on my counter for me to find this morning. They are staying two more nights. Help!

[Jeet0]

 Hey @Heather18,

It is not uncommon for hosts to provide complimentary fresh fruits, sweets, and other not very expensive items for their guests so they probably assumed that the food was complimentary and finished it. However that quite bad on their part as they should've at least asked you before raiding your kitchen.

I'd suggest you have a polite word with them and mention that food is not complimentary so that they do not end up eating more tonight. Also, in case you want them to pay for the brownies and the sweets, you can request them to. There's nothing wrong about it. 

Jeet

[Clare0]

@Heather18 Yes, some guests are like that, unfortunately.  I guess if it were me I'd let it go.  Far worse has happened to host!  You might strategize ways to communicate to future guests that what they find in your kitchen isn't for them or that they need to bring their own groceries.  These guests might have thought you made the brownies just for them and maybe they'll leave you a good review!

[Maryam-Al-Fakheer0]

@Clare0 @Jeet0  I am amazed and even shocked to read:  guest might think its complimentary?  or might think she made the brownies for them??   I am sorry, but not in a million years I would believe that.  What would be next:  guest might think you left them your perfumes? Is anything in your home left for guest to think you "might" left it for them?  No need to ask for anything... just take everything, because they "might" believe.....?    I find it utterly rude and disrespectful of people to TAKE anything what has not been offered to them. 

[Clare0]

Hi @Maryam-Al-Fakheer0 ! How are you?  Haven't heard from you in a while...have you been busy?  Hope so!

Well, you are quite right.  Respectful guests would not have done this.  You live in a culture where respect for others is a valued custom, and unfortunately, as you have already experienced, Americans can be rather thoughtless.  (I am assuming the guests in question were Americans.)

The question in my mind, in response to @Heather18's post, was what, if anything, she should do about it.  Perhaps she should mention to the guests that the brownies weren't meant for them, but I wondered how far I would have pressed the issue. Certainly these people don't deserve a very good review.  

All in all I am dismayed by the lack of civility  in our society especially among young people who seem to lack little or any moral compass. 

Hope to hear again from you as you seemed to have dropped out of sight.  Hope things are going well at your Airbnb and that you've had great guests!

[Maryam-Al-Fakheer0]

@Clare0  Hi Clare, thank you for your kind words. I am fine but for the past 2 months no bookings at all and Petra Park empty. None of us in airbnb in the village had any bookings for long time. Been busy with visiting hospital and had 2 nasty surgeries in my face as by accident a needle disappeared into my face at an important nerve point. But I am doing fine now and have gladly have some bookings now.

As for the question in mind, especially the answer that guests might have assumed.....  I often notice in airbnb community that people make excuses for guests mis-behaviors... as it is "normal" these days to accept everything from anybody who miss-behave. Maybe that's an American "thing" to do. NEVER to speak your mind and always "act" as a super understanding individual. I find this type of politeness very misleading.

Think about it if you raise your kids this way... they will never be responsible adults. 

[Jeet0]

Hi @Maryam-Al-Fakheer0 and @Clare0,

Although I'm fairly new here, I feel we should all be positive, polite & humble and embrace our differences. I believe that is what Airbnb is all about, sharing not just your spaces but a part of yourself as well, getting to know more about different cultures and it's people and appreciating how we all are so different and yet bound by so many common threads.

Now that may sound very correct and "American" but I strongly feel that it's not a nice practice to label Americans as 'thoughtless' or Young travellers as the 'ones lacking moral compass' or as I read on another thread that Dutch guests rarely give a 5 star. Now I completely understand that people are saying these things based on years or experience however Stereotypying is quite harmful; here's an interesting thread from Quora that talks about it. 

I hope you understand 🙂

Also, wish you a speedy recovery Maryam, take care! 🙂

[Clare0]

@Maryam-Al-Fakheer0 Yep, many hosts, especially new ones, are too forgiving and turn into doormats.  They'd put up with just about anything for a good review.  Oh, and my generation has produced many bad parents, no doubt about it.  Just before I changed to "no children" I had parents with a 4 and 6 year old that were absolutely wild, jumping on beds, leaving food all over, and some malitious activity as well.  When I corresponded with the father his attitude was "well, kids will be kids".  Not in my house!!

As always its great to get a prospective from the other side of the world!

[Maryam-Al-Fakheer0]

@Clare0 Exactly Clare, as the father responded... Kids will be kids.... and guests respond (or hosts give excuses) with... oh, I assumed. It is basically the same thing: not willing to take responsibility for their actions.  

[Momi0]

HI all @Jeet0 @Clare0 @Heather18 @Maryam-Al-Fakheer0

I know what everyone is trying to say, or convey to be helpful, but I am taking such offense to all the remarks about "American's" do this, and "Americans" do that!  I can tell you that my ONLY problem guests were from Eastern Europe, eating my food without permission, even though there is a HUGE sign on my kitchen door saying "NO ENTRY PLEASE", as I cook the breakfasts for guests, and the guests fridge is in our connected garage for them to use to store food and drinks. This fridge is 10 steps from their private Airbnb room.  Its not just Americans who do this, its anyone who  has been raised by wolves instead of mature respectful well mannered parents....wolves take what doesn't belong, they eat whatever they find, and certainly don't leave thank you notes.  Seriously, how in the world did Americans get brought up into this?  I didn't mention Americans when I responded back to Heather and honestly Claire, I am offended by the fact you did.  Heather didnt' mention Americans, and when I posted my complaint about a guests, I didn't tell anyone that they were from Russia....(I did now) because the place in which where they are from, doesn't matter....its HOW THEY WERE RAISED!  And Claire, I know you put your explanation around parenthesis, but I don't think you should have written it at all.  Wolves come from everywhere.  Including England. hahahahaha

AND.....I hate the word " assumptions!"  We "Americans"have a saying....that those who make assumptions make an "ass" out of themselves and its not acceptable on any level.  Why in the world would anyone go into someone elses kitchen and eat their food?  First of all, if any guests doesn't plan ahead like going to the store BEFORE it closes, why it is the host responsibility to feed them?  I understand that @Jeet0 was probably allowed to go into the kitchen and eat the host food ( and you are lucky she was so nice) but there are to be NO ASSUMPTIONS on what you can or cannot do, UNTIL you ask.  Why didn't you ask the host prior to nighttime what you could do as far as eating their food...its just like in college when my roommates would open the sharing fridge and EAT MY FOOD that I took the time to buy, the time to work to earn money to buy it and the time to bring it home to store it!  I dont' mind sharing, but what I do mind is those WHO DON"T ASK FIRST!

I am up SO fired about the many posts written and Agree 100% with @Maryam-Al-Fakheer0 because its a RESPECT issue.  I was raised to respect other people things, like their home, their food, their time, their belongings, their opinions, yet, I have had a few guests who ate MY FOOD, broke my belongings, damaged my bed ( 3 times now) with their food, their blood and poop)...that's right...you read it right.....BLOOD AND POOP!  Spent over $600 to replace the mattress too.  (with no compensation back on the bloody mess either)

Imagine staying up late AGAIN to bake 4 pans of brownies for my daughters school fundraiser that I have done many times, only to wake up and see that a guests has made themselves at home in my kitchen and "polishing" off those brownies!  How ridiculous on so many levels.  I am the nicest hosts, I have actually given a pregnant woman guests my own dress when she got so big while staying with us that she had nothing to wear to dinner, I have baked more banana bread than i can count just for my guests to enjoy late at night with a cup of tea....but this is because they have earned this by being a fabulous RESPECTFUL guests.  

It all boils down to communication.  If for some reason you are not able to verbally tell a guests these things at check in, like I do, then leave them a guide book in the bedroom (they can't deny seeing it on their bed) or maybe leave it on the toilet, everyone has to pee eventually, and in that guidebook, outline what they can or cannot do IN CASE they have no respectful manners to ask FIRST!  

Here's my theory, when in doubt....ASK!  Its that simple!  and for you @Jeet0 pls remember, the next time you stay in someone's home, go to the store, buy some things, and if you do eat something, leave a thank you note AT NIGHT with some money.  its a nice thoughtful gesture as a guests, and if the host doesn't need the money, then this allows them to keep it or return it back to you along with the recipe for the pudding.   Food for thought.  

*whew....just checked blood pressure, its good.....finally.  Thanks for reading.

[Clare0]

@Momi0 @Heather18@Maryam-Al-Fakheer0@Jeet0  the CA stands for California, not Canada.  I am an American.  🙂

[Momi0]

Hi @Clare0

I was NOT referring to you as a Canadian or a Californian, I know my geography, I can promise you that. hahahaha

I have lived in 6 countries, visited 32 countries and was educated in France, Germany, NYC and Washington DC. I was merely pointing out that I didn't think it was fair for you to categorize that disrespectuful guests as "Americans" when @Heather18 didn't.  Maybe they were from MARS...who knows.  Do Martians eat brownies?  LOL

After ALL I wrote...that's what you focus on?  ahhhhhh OK.....

by the way, my in laws live in CA.....been there a few times and I have to say.....there are more crazy AMERICAN drivers there then in Hawaii. That's a valid statement...hahahaha

Hope you are well.

[Maryam-Al-Fakheer0]

@Jeet0  Thanks for invitation, however I would never ever want to be seen as Equivalent to God. No such thing remotely possible as we believe there is only one God.  And nothing or nobody is equivalent to God in our religion. I undestand it is meant well, but to others it is insulting. 

[Jeet0]

Okay. Apologies, if I hurt your sentiments in anyway, didn't mean to.

[Momi0]

Hey @Jeet0,

I have read your posts several times and you didn't offend anyone.  I think your posts have been kind, well mannered, respectful, and open minded to learning from other hosts. You make me wanna stay with you even more then before.  There are clearly some people on this thread that have not learned English as a first language and are construing what you write and what I write to be offensive and rude, when they couldn't be more wrong!  Its nice to see that you have been raised to humbly apologize to others even if it was not warranted to do so.  I find you to be very respectful and would be welcomed in my home, anytime.  (just don't raid my fridge without asking first)....a bit of food humor because I think we all need it.  hahahahaha -  Buy a bathing suit, and fly to Hawaii...I'll LEI you too...(that's Hawaiian humor about our flowers)