Passive-agressive ways of long term guests, share and how do you deal with it?

[Carol90]

I have noticed more than once that any stay beyond two weeks makes guests feel like ' they hold shares' in your place, especially towards the end of their booking; my friend's words when I explained the situation to her :). More so if you have had to correct some of their actions stemming from not reading your rules ( even though you have a copy in the room), misinterpreting them, or just not caring.

I will list some of the ones I have noticed;

- suddenly your super careful guests does not know how to use the plastic shower curtain and will wet both the bathmat and cloth outer shower curtain ( you need to work harder for your rates, no!)

- they will brush and make sure the sink has signs of their passing through, by leaving bits if whatever they ate last for you to rinse off

- they will stick to their rooms and avoid meeting you even though they were so chatty in the beginning, you took them shopping and provided that first-morning breakfast, it goes downhill fast as soon as you enforce your rules

- once they get their bearings and make friends/contacts, you are past tense, their job is to compare your place to where their friends stay and feel they got a bad deal even though they probably are getting a deal( is why I will always have strict policy)

- they got excited and shopped so much, now that they are broke they resent you and the money they can't get refunded (more so about guests from some regions, hint: it takes couple of  100 of their currency to have one dollar, no offence it is just a trend and hunch I have.). They just seem angry with you and your 'business'.Most have been first time users of airbnb, no reviews.

- take the longest showers that the bathroom turns into a steam sauna literally, but only at the end of their stay, never before. I confirmed this today when I adressed internet usage, answer, 'I don't know why the usage should be that high. And anyway I was away four days of my booking.! Well if you consume your whole month's allocation in one day, you are without internet for the rest of the month buddy, and that is not the idea of airbnb! Wanting to get the worth of their money when in reality you are subsidizing their rental rate ( more like a roommate)

- Body language: seem ready for a fight when there is none, the look they give you, you know like don't mess with me, or what the hell you talking about. ( first time user again!).

I buy small gifts for long term guests but am having a really bad taste in the mouth right now after, ' does not matter now', ' i can pay you for the internet-how much' ,meanwhile  looking past you as you ....

Share some passive-aggressive ways you have experienced and any survival tips.

[Robin4]

@Carol90

Carol, you are indeed very perceptive, and you are correct! There is an old expression...."Familiarity breeds contempt" .

If you are going to host long term guests you have to involve them more in the running of your house because with each passing day they will take you more and more for granted! And that's just human nature....we all do it Carol.

Baring in mind you have become on a more familiar footing say something along the lines of....

"Oh hell ****** I am bushed today, things have just got on top of me. Would you mind being that fantastic person who comes to my rescue and run the sponge over the bathroom sink, or, put the dishes away, or, sweep the floor"!

Most people will gladly do that if asked nicely, because it gives them a certain feeling of self worth in that they have been asked to help, and could...they feel good about it, just as you would Carol.

Not only that, it reinforces the message that somebody has to do these things and they will probably take more care.

Carol, I have had a lifetime of reading peoples body language, analysing what they say, and massaging their egos....and my careers in life were successful, so, at the age of 72, I do think I have learned how to handle people. I am not always right, of course I am not, but in most instances I am not far off the mark.

Congratulations on a very well thought out cleverly crafted post Carol. As I said you are perceptive, and do look for those 'nuts and bolts' in a persons character....and that's a great trait to have!

Cheers.....Rob 

[Carol90]

Thank you, Robin. I like to think I have that skill :). I like to overlook minor slights but some I have to point out.  That usually sets off the resentment yet they agreed to your rules.

[Dee9]

i have a polite sign in the bathroom to please cleanup the sink after use, i also verbally instruct them to put a towel (that i give them) on the floor when they take a shower. This has solved the bathroom problem.

Myself, i dont mind when guests stay in their room. It gives us both personal space.

I have installed a router so that evertone gets wifi and there are no internet limits.

i have put a 21day maximum on stays.

Perhaps hosting is not for you.

[Robin4]

@Dee9

Hi again Diane...what's your experience been with longer stays...2 weeks or more? I know even from our situation where the guests are not in our house, I still tend to feel like something of a prisoner when it comes to longer term stays. I feel I can't just fa*t in the back yard when I feel like it. I feel my enjoyment of my space is compromised to a degree. So I can empathise with what Carol is saying.

I take your point about the use of the bathroom though, but from reading posts this can go one of two ways! Guests will accept it, no problems, or they will feel it's an required impost on what they have paid for!

Interested to hear your views...

Cheers.....Rob 

[Lilian20]

Me too, like @Robin4 I can also empathise with what @Carol is saying. 

[Andrea9]

Haha, I just had to laugh so hard at @Robin4's " fa*t in the back yard"!

Because I rent out a room in my apartment with no use of the kitchen but with their own bathroom (thank the universe for that!) I determined the longest no. of nights I could put up with a guest before they became a kind of roommate was six.

Longer than that and I'd get the feeling they knew my routine too well and it would stretch my tolerance too much. And I also wouldn't want any guest entitlement to creep in.

I rarely get any 6-nighters, but my last guest who was really young and very sweet hardly left the house (!!!!!!!). I mean who comes to Amsterdam from the other side of the world and only leaves the house for a maximum of 3.5 hours daily...? Okay, it was cold, but still there's so much to do here...

With my type of apartment and the type of room I rent (and yes, all fully explained in description) I automatically become  super quiet out of respect for guests (no fa*ts there, Robin!), meaning I felt like a visitor in my own place while she was there.

That again enforced my right decision about the maximum 6 nights!

@Carol90 @Dee9 

[Robin4]

@Andrea9

Oh Andrea, it's an aquired art but, having Airbnb guests has assisted me to master the art of the 'Soup cooler' !!!!

Cheers.....Rob

[Martha77]

I agree, its good to know your tolerance to  long term guest as some of us might not be ment to do long term. I've only had a few long term stints, a couple for 14 days and a lady for 11 days, and I've had mixed reviews but it helped me realize long term guest aren't for me. The couple for 14 days was great and I even forgot they were with me as they pretty much kept to themselves and didn't distrupt my schedule. The lady for 11 days thought I was supposed to entertain her and was constantly asking where I was going, what I was doing, and with who. I thought it was weird as she mentioned she was there to visit her son for the holidays. When she realized I wasn't going to hang out with her, she started acting passive agressive and stopped following the rules, yet she would quote some things of the rules to me when it suited her. She proceeded to treat me like I was her maid and started demanding things. She spent two days in her room with out leaving and would make  faces at me when she saw me throughtout the day. I figured it was my house and I wasn't about to stop my life  because of her childish behavior. In her review, she mentioned mentioned that she thought it was a language barrior that prevented her from  understanding the rules, which BS as I'm fluent in the language and the rules were writen in both  languages, plus if you quote the rules to me how did you misunderstand them.  She also mentioned that she's never felt more like a stranger in someones home. I'm sorry but she wasn't there to visit with me, I was providing shelter while she visited with her family. I understand not all guest are passive agressive but I have noticed that after so many days its easier for guest to start slacking on the rules.

My advice:

-Figure out what your long term number is and don't book anyone beyond that.

-Reiterate the  rules at the half way mark by sending an email to the guest. Start by thanking them for being good guest, ask them if they need anything, and remind them of house rules. 

@Andrea9 - I've also had a few guest that  flew in to visit city but never left their room besides to eat once a day. One couple even sat and watched TV with my boyfriend and I for several hours. I asked them if they were going site seeing and they said no. I was surprised they  spent so much money to come hang out at my place. 

[Carol90]

Hey Diane,

I have read your response and I do not exactly get how you came to the conclusion that hosting is not for me, am bitter and looking for socialization. Perhaps reread my post. While you give pertinent and useful advice it is not for the context I describe in my post.

[Dee9]

It seems like you were looking for socialization because you said "they will stick to their rooms and avoid meeting you even though they were so chatty in the beginning, ". Not sure how else to take that?? Except that youre looking for socialization.

I mentioned bitter because your entire post is a long list of complaints. Nothing positive to say about hosting so I thought maybe hosting wasnt for you.

And since you hate long term rentals but continue to do it anyway, I thought maybe you needed the money more so than others.

Im only going by your post that I re-read several times. Your words.

If that answers your question about how I came to my conclusion. Not trying to insult anyone. Just responding to your post line by line. Since you asked for opinions.

I also threw in some tips that have worked for me. Especially with the Internet because I know thats the 1st thing people ask me "you have wifi, right!" Good luck.

@Carol90

[Carol90]

Diane thank you for reinforcing your earlier very lengthy response. I am off to scrap the bathroom and jump on the trampoline. My post should not turn into a forum war and I do not have to force you to see it the way I meant and others have.

You might want to get that hammer, though! Peace and out!

[Gary-And-Rose0]

Its common for guests/ roomates to hang out in thier room after a certain point. Nothng to worry about you dont want them in your space all the time. 

[Carol90]

Thank you but you misread that. It is/was a comparison of guest behavior between the beginning of hosting and the end or after I have had to enforce one or two rules.  As to whether I miss, like or want the interaction is subject to another post and I would have stated so.

It was just an observation and I expected people to share any examples of passive-aggressive ways of guests when you enforce rules or other issue they do not like but have to comply with.  

[Kiebhán0]

I agree, if your going to complain about every little thing i would suggest the hospitality business isnt for you.  Toll booth worker?