Narcissist Detection Supposedly in Airbnb AI - Review Time

[Michelle1588]

Greetings community, 

Last week I left a long post about a guest who went into a rage on me after a few instances of rejecting his requests to break some of my rules and guidelines. 

You can read more about it here: 

https://community.withairbnb.com/t5/Host-Circle/Superhost-Suspended-w-Retaliation-Claim-By-Guest/m-p...

Thank you to everyone who helped out with answers. 

Oddly enough, after making several complaints to Airbnb support reps about not being able to leave a review, 2 days later the option to leave a review for this guest was granted. Now that I have an opportunity to leave a review I am asking for help writing it so I don't come off as mean or unprofessional. How could I make this review well enough to warn other hosts, and strong enough to deter Mr. Doctor from doing it again. 

Here's a quick outline of how things went with this guest: 

1) Guest is charming, cordial, tidy and communicative. 

2) Guest checked in 3 hours earlier than we agreed on. He called my phone to ask me for another code because he claimed he could not get in with the code I gave him. He acts surprised when I bring the time he is checking in to his attention. He knew that I was not home and would not be there until a few days later. I issued him another code to get in. (note: when I got home I did enter the first code I gave him and it worked. I never mention this to him. I didn't take it personal. I figured he just made a mistake. I would change all codes later anyway, which I did do since that second code I had to give him in my absence was my master door code.) 

3) During a pleasant conversation about casual things in the kitchen almost 3 weeks into his stay he asks can his girlfriend spend the weekend over. Caught off guard from the angle the guest injected this request into the conversation I said, "uh, well, no. I don't allow additional guests but I will check to see if I can add her for those 2 days since I will be out over the weekend anyway." He offered a certain amount of cash outside of the platform app. I did not agree or disagree. I told him I'd get back to him.

RED FLAG: He caught me off guard with a request that goes against my guidelines - and put me in a position where I had to say NO during a smooth casual conversation flow - one where we were getting along and agreeable - I recognize this disruption in a conversation as a typical narcissistic tactic which is meant to throw the target off balance, and can usually make them agree to something they normally wouldn't agree to. I've studied this and know it very well, but still, I didn't catch on completely yet to what I was dealing with .... I am fully disarmed in my home, which was a huge mistake. I learned a lot with this guest.

4) I arranged a way for his girlfriend to stay but it had to be through the Airbnb App. He got upset, rejected the offer in the application - and his attitude changed for the duration of his stay. He walked around with a dark, unfriendly energy afterward.

5) I asked him if he could move his fruit container to something smaller and offered the packaging. He flipped out, threatened me and so on. I asked him to leave after that. I called Airbnb.

6) He had a trick up his sleeve and turned the complaint around to tell them I had cameras & he didn't know it. A complete lie. They gave him about $500 back for the days he wouldn't be here. 

7) Once he left, I spent hours on the phone with Airbnb support. Afterward, I checked his room and he took my house keys with him. Devious. I have to make a claim once I get all receipts within 14 days to try to get Airbnb to pay for my locks to be changed. 

How should I write this review. He hasn't written one yet and may think I won't either out of fear of his review. But I am going to write a review. I care about sharing the truth more than my Superhost status, now that I realize that status means nothing really. 

Side note: I did some research and found out Airbnb might be using some kind of algorithm or other form of AI to detect narcissistic guests before they can book - since 2020. Clearly it hasn't worked because this guy managed to book at my place. I thought you would find this article interesting. It appears that Airbnb is filtering through social media accounts to assess the personalities of its guests / members or whatever we want to call it. Hilarious & kinda creepy, too.  But this is proof that they are aware of the problem this kind of disorder can bring into the experience, which is a good thing. Psychos and narcs are dangerous. I study them since I grew up in a home oppressed by them. Thank God for my studies and my primary work they no longer have any grips or holds on me - but they do cross my path at times, like this guest. Ugh. parasitic, demeaning, mean, arrogant, entitled, egotistical.... you name it. Those are very difficult character traits to host & I just will not do it. There's not enough money on the planet....

https://futurism.com/the-byte/airbnb-ai-predict-psychopaths

Thanks for any help writing this review. 

Michelle (my recent guest is a sweetheart. She's totally making up for the horror I just went through 🙂

[Robin4]

@Michelle1588 

Michelle, how to handle the review system has been one of my major topics over the 6 years I have been here on the Community Centre.

Most reviews will be straightforward, the hosting experience was positive from both host and guest, and we all pat each other on the back as say what exemplary human beings we are.

But when a hosting goes off the rails, the thing which is going to reflect on you and what sort of host you are is, the way you handle the criticism that comes with it.

All humans like a good verbal fistfight, we all like to see the juicy details. But remember, if you resort to a good verbal fistfight your comments will say as much about you as they say about the guest!

You must always retain the high moral ground, don't resort to insults or unnecessary detail. All the community needs to know is......was this guest worth hosting or not!  

You must keep two objectives in mind.

1/......You want your review to stick!

Don't accuse the guest of things they can dispute and use to have Airbnb remove your review. A review is worthless of it gets removed and nobody can gain anything from it.

2/.....You don't want to come out of the review process looking like a prickly undesirable host. One of those helicopter hosts who hound their guests mercilessly.

If it was me in your situation I would just keep the review short and nebulous, but still get your point across.

Here is how I handled one particularly difficult guest, the two hours she was here were really stressful, she had mental issues and did create havoc for us.......

 That got my point across for other hosts, I didn't accuse her of being anything other than difficult and I wished her well for the future.

Michelle, I retained the high moral ground!

Cheers........Rob

[Michelle1588]

Thank you Rob. Your review is written well & I felt a big "NO NO NO NO" do not host this person - without too many details being shared. I appreciate the screenshot, too. It gives me something to work with! 

[Mariann4]

Ah @Robin4 ! Nicely put, as always 😊 

I do however see in other forums that Airbnb has started to remove reviews where guests are reviewed in different versions as "better suited to a hotel". So in today's climate this nicely put review, which serves as a very good heads up to the next host, would be removed... 

[Michelle1588]

Yeah that's it right there. I want to express that this person is not ideal for sharing spaces and might be better suited for accommodations that grant him the entire space. 

That could be a hotel or an Airbnb. I wonder if that line is better for the platform? I wouldn't mention Hotel, but I do want to express his hoggish, disagreeable temperament that suggests he would do better in a space where the host is not living on site. 

[Robin4]

@Mariann4 

Hi ya Mariann, hope all is good with you. Haven't seen you about for a while.

Yes I am aware of that but I did write that review back in 2018.

I have also recommended the use of an alternative strategy which I have posted here before.

If I had a dispute with a guest and were to expect a poor review,  I would word my review as follows.......

'As Superhosts we go out of our way to provide a positive experience for our guests and I hope we have been able to achieve that with xxxxxx. Everyone has a different expectation from Airbnb and I hope ours was good enough for xxxxxx! '  

Just leave it at that, you haven't praised the guest, you haven't criticised the guest, and If a reasonable review comes back from the guest you are not going to have egg on your face by caning the guest in your review and then having to backtrack.

But if the guests review is bad and derogatory you can say in your review response which will show directly under their review.

'We try to provide a nice experience for our guests and a look at our 500 + reviews will show we generally succeed. If we failed on this occasion I thank xxxxx's for his feedback and will take it on board for future guests.

I wish xxxxxx all the best for the future but, would decline the opportunity to host him again'!

Once again, no histrionics you have got your point across but you have done it diplomatically.

All I am saying is, in a dispute don't stoop to your opponents level, stay in control!

All the best @Michelle1588 .

Cheers........Rob

[Michelle1588]

Diplomacy.... Yes Rob, you are also correct. I appreciate the examples and I'll be sure to consider all of them when I write this one. You all are so kind to help out in such a way. I still love Airbnb, but it has come with new challenges for sure! 

[Mark116]

@Michelle1588   Airbnb doesn't try to weed out criminals or guests who have had successful damage claims against them, guests who make false allegations, so I would say the odds that Airbnb is trying to weed out 'narcissists' is zero.

'XX was initially pleasant, but seemed to resent being asked to follow a variety of house rules and ultimately it made the stay very stressful.  XX was not a good fit for my listing and may be better suited to entire home or hotel listings rather than home shares.

Something like that, no need to go into all details.

[Mariann4]

Like I told Rob just a minute ago; appearantly Airbnb has started to remove reviews from hosts when the review contains the better suited-phrase or something similar, @Mark116 . Now we need new wording. Or start using the could not recommend or would not host again more frequently.

[Michelle1588]

Thanks mark. I like how that sounds and it's something I would say. Straight to the point.... but what about the violence? Just leave that part out. He did threaten me .... along the lines of. "don't touch my stuff. You better not touch or move any of my stuff ..." and then moved toward me. That was really kinda crazy. I had to exit the kitchen immediately. Is there any cool and professional way to put that in a sentence? 

[Huma0]

@Michelle1588 

Perhaps others will feel this is too strong, but..

"Apart from unexpectedly turning up several hours before the check in time, X's stay got off to a good start and he was initially cordial and seemed nice. However, after a time, he started to try to pressurise me into breaking house rules and making transactions off platform, which I refused to do. He then immediately became hostile and threatening and I felt unsafe in my own home. I was relieved to see him leave, but he even took the keys with him. I would not recommend this guest under any circumstances."

[Michelle1588]

To be honest, I like this one a lot. I am going to use it and edit it where I need to in order to dodge - as best I can - the invisible Airbnb arrows that are waiting for me to say the wrong thing. Hahaha... This kind of gets it all in there with a few sentences. This guest was horrific. Thanks! @Huma0 

[Mandrake-And-Karen0]

Very well stated.  Nice work.  The last thing that another hosts wants is this guy to stay with them.  Being too broad and neutral in a review for this guest risks the safety,  physical and emotional, of other hosts!

[Robin4]

@Michelle1588 

Unfortunately my idea of personal space and the guests were not compatible, I was not comfortable with his presence!

Cheers.......Rob

[Jennifer1897]

@Michelle1588 

There is no algorithm or form of AI that will detect and/or diagnose whether someone is a psychopath, narcissist, etc. We use a specialized assessments (Ex. Hare psychopathy checklist) along with extensive psychosocial backgrounds and examination of behaviors to determine an official dx. I don't think this person escaped any detection system through Airbnb. 

I would not highlight anything about your perceived notion of what this guest may have been (ex Narcissist), as that could be grounds for removal.  Mention both the pros and cons of his stay in a very short and concise manner.  You can state that he communicated well, however he broke house rules resulting in an overall unpleasant stay.  I typically close a review by stating whether I would host them again or not. As Robin said the overall point of a review is to let other know if you would recommend this guest.