The straw that broke the camel's back

[Huma0]

So, this is a really small, trivial thing, but it drove me absolutely CRAZY today. I have a guest who has terrible communication (doesn't respond to ANY messages, ignored all check in instructions, refuses to listen to any logic about basic stuff) and keeps breaking numerous house rules, albeit the minor ones. She does some really weird, completely nonsensical stuff. She has the attention span of a gnat. Bare in mind, I host long term guests, so when things are not going swimmingly, it can build up to a load of frustration... So, yes, I am kind of just venting.

I am middle aged and so, in recent years, my eyesight has started to falter. Due to this, I bought a magnifying mirror. This suddenly disappeared. I am not talking about a small handheld mirror, but quite a substantial thing. A large, table top mirror that has a specific place. Today was my brother's 50th birthday party, yet I was unable to put on make up etc. because my mirror was gone. Just gone. 

Okay, seriously annoying (why do guests take other people's things without asking?) but not the worst thing in the world. Maybe I am feeling so irritated about this because it is about the 20th annoying thing this guest has done. She doesn't seem to see the need to close the fridge door, so my very expensive fridge had a a breakdown. She said my washing machine made her clothes stink, but turns out she washed her clothes and left them in a heap in her room rather than hanging them up. and on and on...Deep breath....

So, yeah, all small things. But how many small things before the camel's back breaks?

[Gillian166]

@Huma0  upbringing is a big part of it, but we also are battling media influence like never before. when i was a kid there was TV and magazines as the "influence". TV was not 24/7, magazines were monthly or weekly, and no internet/social media in my hand 24/7.  My youngest is thankfully very stubborn so she isn't easily swayed by her peers, but she's still a teen with her own set of issues. She is utterly hopeless though, around the house. the other 2 were so self sufficient by the time they finished school, and this girl is not. 

Solution: she's moving out of home once school finishes. There is no way i'm going to allow her to loll about gaming all night and sleeping all day under my roof, she can get a job (she will not get the grades for uni i suspect. she's not dumb, she's lazy, she's also refused to work on the airbnbs with me) and find some flatmates and start learning to adult.  I moved out of home at 18, like you, due to wanting my independence and it was the best time ever. Broke, probably naive and stupid, but what fun times we had! I want that for her as well. 

[Huma0]

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@Gillian166 wrote:

@Huma0  Broke, probably naive and stupid, but what fun times we had! I want that for her as well. 

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Yes, exactly. Some lessons were learnt the hard way, but at least they were learnt, and there was plenty of fun in between! I think it didn't hurt also that most of the people I lived and worked with were a few years older than me, so I had to catch up a bit and not be such a baby!

For sure, social media and the general bombardment of media in general certainly has a big impact. My niece keeps saying she has a really bad short term memory. She probably doesn't, but she's juggling so much more information than we had to at 13.

I never had to respond to emails, WhatsApp messages, Instagram messages, Facebook messages, text messages, etc. etc. nor check notifications. There was no pressure to watch this or that show on Netflix in order to participate in the conversation or know what everyone was talking about. There was a limited amount of interesting stuff to watch in the first place, so it was more a case of having to wait impatiently for a week for the next episode. 

While the internet is no doubt useful, I am actually grateful I got a chance to grow up without all of that. 

[Huma0]

@Gillian166 

Oh, and by the way, tonight I had to go and 'deal' with a 'huge, scary spider' (actually pretty insubstantial and not enormous at all) for the 30-year-old.

And this morning came down to find the front door left unlocked.

I've never had kids, but honestly, sometimes I feel like I am being punished for that by having to look after an endless stream of grown up children who are not my own.

[Helen427]

@Huma0 

I just had one of those all over the place Guests so you are not alone.

It drove me bonkers that anyone could live with the stench of smelly socks, water all over the bathroom,  bits of chips and snacks left where he munched them as he walked from room to room, opened and closed all the cupboards for reasons unknown to myself to find a plate and cutlery when they are in the obvious places and I had shown him, used my razor and bathroom towel, walked out on his last day with not so much as a Thank you or Goodbye, plus a few other things.

So how do I write a Review so others know what to expect should he use ABB again?

'Room for Improvement?

He's young and their family have been through a few traumas alas it's no excuse to behave in the manner he did as a Guest in my home 

[Huma0]

@Helen427 

Yes, these ones I find are the most difficult to write reviews for. I want to express that they were challenging, but I can never figure out how to word it to not seem harsh, especially if the guest is a nice person. You can't exactly write 'a bit clueless', can you, because that is rude. When I get guests like yours, I also wonder how these people function in their day-to-day lives.

I do feel that a lot of people have very short attention spans these days (perhaps because of the overload of information, social media etc) so that even if you show them stuff and explain things to them, it just goes in one ear and out of the other. 

The guest I was moaning about in this thread seemed not to remember a single thing from the house tour. I am not joking. After a week and a half, she still could not find the plates and told me she was running out of towels even though there are a pile of extra towels in her room, which I had pointed out to her when she arrived. The weird smelly laundry thing totally baffled me. Then again, I don't think she is the most organised person.

After three weeks, she still hasn't unpacked. All her stuff is on the floor, except for the wet towels, which she leaves on the antique chairs (GRRRR) even though there are hooks for her to hang them. Her room took me ages to clean because of this and all the small bits of rubbish strewn around instead of in the wastepaper bin provided. She also seems to have a problem with bath mats and rugs and leaves them in a scrunched up pile. I straighten them, but they are in a pile again, every single day.

But, who is going to write about that stuff in the review? How? Obviously, you don't want to go into minute detail, so you've got to summarise, but it seems a bit personal to say that someone is inattentive or disorganised. 

[Ted307]

@Huma0 

"This untidy guest had trouble remembering and following the house rules" would tell me that this is not a guest I want!

OR -- one of my favorites, "This guest is best suited to a home with daily maid and laundry service"! 😉

[Gillian166]

@Ted307  you beat me to it!

"best suited to a hotel" says it all. 
 

[Ted307]

@Gillian166 @Huma0 

Nice, I do not want to be a hotel.

Which our little bunkhouse is not, for sure! But, most hosts are not here chatting with us, unfortunately. Spell it out exactly, is what I would hope my fellow hosts would do!

[Huma0]

@Ted307 @Gillian166 

I am not so sure. While a lot of hotel guests probably leave their rooms a pigsty just expecting housekeeping to clean around their mess every day, do they expect so much handholding in a hotel as they do with a homestay or onsite host? 

I am starting to soften a bit towards these guests though, now that I am thinking of them as just big kids in need of a temporary mum. Not that I want to be their mum (nor do I enjoy having to keep scolding), but it makes me feel a bit sorry for them that they still need that at their age. I do hope they appreciate it.

[Ted307]

@Huma0 

Yeah, I guess I will always be a mom!

We do get such big kids as guests. They bring their own little kids to see our ducks and chickens! They have been some of our favorite guests! But, some are entirely clueless, and do not even leave us a review. They have written very nice things in the guest book -- I am thinking of scanning it to be some of our photos.

[Huma0]

@Ted307 

That's interesting. I find that guests who take the time to write in the guest book ALWAYS leave reviews, whereas the ones that can't be bothered/are too disorganised to leave a review, never write in the guest book.

I have to say, it's very sweet the effort a lot of people make when writing in the guest book. Many of them draw little pictures. Quite a few buy cards for me to stick in there. I was given that guest book by some guests a couple of years after I started hosting, so I stuck the cards that previous guests had left in there. Now, some guests seem to think they need to buy a card as well (which they do not). One even apologised to me the other day for not having bought one. Bless them.

I don't hate all guests. Quite the contrary. Otherwise, I wouldn't still be doing this. It was good to have a vent here on the CC though!

[Ted307]

@Huma0 

Some of our nicest reviews are only in our guest book. A lot of our guests are not entirely computer literate. They like us because we are very hands-on -- I think your guests are the same in that respect.

[Huma0]

@Ted307 

Yes, I do think that my guests like that I am hands on. Some booked a shared homestay purely for budgetary reasons, but a lot do because that is actually what they prefer. They feel safer and less lonely with a live in host. 

What is your age demographic though? The vast majority of my guests are young, especially since I switched entirely to long term. These days I very rarely get a guest who is over 35. Very rarely. So, no problem here with computer literacy, but disorganisation does factor in. 

Not a bad idea in your situation to use guest comments from the guest book in photo captions etc. though. 

[Ted307]

@Huma0 

We get all ages. Some who have stayed 2 weeks are retired & in their 70's -- not very able to use the website let alone an app on their phone. They like our place because there aren't any stairs to climb. We live in the mountains and a lot of the houses here are quite a climb! They have been excellent guests for us.

The young parents only use their phones and sometimes don't seem to get notifications when I send them messages in the app. They often do not leave reviews, either. One bought me a cute chicken to go in my collection, though. We quit accepting young children after some poor reviews from people we went out of our way to host. 😞

Our place is full of little things that could go missing, but they rarely do. We have had a couple of popular 45 records disappear, though. So, we started using them on the wall and we can tell right away if one is gone!

I saw a listing where the host used the scanned pages of the guest book as some of his photos, and I am thinking of doing that.

[Huma0]

@Ted307 

I used to get all ages when I was hosting short stays. Most were young, but there was a good chunk of older guests. That is not so much the case with long term. Very few older guests seem to come to London for a month or more.

Theft has never been a big issue for me (touch wood). Damages, however, are way too frequent...