What's mine is yours... or is it?

[Huma0]

Hello, this is a question directed more at homeshare hosts.

This is a problem that I don't experience so often since I stopped doing short stays, but it still happens from time to time. I provide a number of things for my guests' use and do a pretty thorough house tour, explaining what is there for them. My house rules also state not to help yourself to other people's toiletries, food etc. Still, I occasionally have guests who seem to think everything in the house is there for them. I don't want to have to lock everything away as it's my home. Do you ever have this problem and how do you deal with it?

Just to be clear, I am not talking about guests stealing things, but rather 'helping themselves'. Here are some examples:

- Even though my accommodation is not catered (no breakfast, just the tea, coffee, sugar type of basics), one couple helped themselves to all my food and who knows if they also helped themselves to other people's food, without asking. Guests are given shelf space in the fridge and cupboard spaces so there is no need for them to take stuff from other shelves/cupboards. These guys would prepare a full, hotel style breakfast with eggs, avocados, whatever they fancied from the fridge and never bought their own. They mentioned in my review how well stocked my kitchen was.

- A young lady stayed and actually took several of my professional make up brushes from a zipped case in a bathroom cupboard, used them and then put them in her own make up bag (I saw this as she left them sticking out of her unzipped bag in the bathroom). Another went into my cupboard every day and took my personal face cloths, used them and left them in a wet heap on the shower tray. Same guest was rifling through my kitchen cupboards, helping herself and moving stuff to the cupboard for guests' stuff. People helping themselves to my own personal cosmetics, make up etc. seems to be quite frequent.

- Guests who can't seem to stop opening new, packaged things. I supply guests with all the basic toiletries such as body wash, shampoo, conditioner, hand soap (both liquid and individual bars for their personal use). Still, some will rummage around in my things and unwrap fancy soaps, using them only once, or tipping a whole bottle of bath salts into the bath. Another guest opened all my condiments. There is oil, soy sauce etc. available for guests, but this one went through my own supplies opening every NEW jar to taste one spoonful.

- I provide plenty of towels for my guests and tell them to just ask if they need more. Still, several guests have taken my USED towels or those of other guests from the bathroom. They take clean towels that are hanging to dry, which is annoying as they are often for other guests. This is not a huge deal, but it is not fun to get out of the shower and realise your towel has disappeared!

None of this is major stuff. Perhaps it is just part and parcel of being a homeshare host? Or, do you have any suggestions to avoid this? I already have labels on some of the stuff that is there for guests and I don't want to stick labels on everything or put sticky notes and signs all over the place.

[Huma0]

@Sarah977 

Your word count is actually pretty close to mine! Then again, you have put more emphasis on the general way in which homeshare guests should behave, rather than the specifics, and perhaps that is better. I would have no problem whatsoever with these instructions, and I like them, but I wonder if younger guests might think it is a bit of a lecture? I don't know to be honest.

The concern is that I already tell guests not to help themselves to other people's stuff and some of them still do. So, I feel like I need to list the specific items that are and aren't available to them.

@Mark116 's version is very to the point.

Again though, I am struggling with that because I am very 'British' about it and like to add my 'pleases' and 'thank yous' to everything 🙂 

I know that is not strictly necessary, but I do find the American style a bit abrasive compared to what I am used to.

I will try to find a happy medium!

[Huma0]

@Sarah977 @Mark116 

Here's an alternative version, taking in both of your feedback:

Welcome to my home share listing. I hope you will be comfortable and happy here and enjoy sharing my home with me and my other guests.

Home share situations are unique in that you have your own private room but share common areas with the host and other guests. Please respect that not everything you see belongs to you. Please ask before using it!

The supplies I provide are:

• Towels, extra bedlinen and some toiletry items in your room
• Body wash, shampoo, conditioner (labelled for guest use), toilet paper and also hand soap on the basins in the shared bathrooms
• Coffee, sugar and a selection of teas by the kettle
• More beverages, breakfast cereals, honey, hot chocolate etc in the cupboard above the kettle
• Oil, salt, pepper, vinegar, soy sauce etc in the cupboard to the left of the stove
• A first aid kit on the shelf by the microwave
• Dedicated fridge and cupboard space in the kitchen for your food.

Please help yourself to the above, but do not take items from other shelves or cupboards without asking, as they may not belong to me.

Thank you for being a considerate guest!

[Sarah977]

@Huma0  Excellent amalgam. Now let's see if it works 🙂 

It is too bad that anyone has to be told things like this. Like the host who just posted about her guests making a fire on her wooden deck. Who would think to tell someone not to do that. It's like Life on Earth 101. 

It's astounding that "My personal cosmetic bag is not a drug store for you to go shopping in" would ever need to be said.

[Mark116]

@Sarah977  That one was truly crazy.  I can 'get' people who don't realize they don't know how to work a fireplace because they've only seen it in movies...put wood in, light fire, go...and don't pay attention to technical details.

But setting a fire on a wooden deck?  Holy s. I really hate to think how altered your state of mind would have to be to think it is remotely okay to start a fire on someone else's wooden deck.  You truly do wonder how such people can hold jobs or get through life without killing themselves or others by accident.

@Huma0  I like it, it's a quicker and easier read but still has your personal style.

[Kelly149]

@Huma0 the one possible issue I can see with what you've written is:

"Please help yourself to the above, but do not take items from other shelves or cupboards without asking, as they may not belong to me."

This sentence could infer a) that a guest could take things that aren't provided, if they ask first and if they belong to Huma and b) 'help yourself' can be taken to mean, there are endless supplies, go wild.

Again, might feel too brash to you, but technically speaking the offer is: You may use the items specifically listed here, but anything else in the house is not for your use.

It could even be useful to plant the seed that they could contribute: "if you have a particular item that you like to regularly use, please feel free to share it with the house, we love to be introduced to new things." Just a thought.

[Huma0]

@Kelly149 

Good points. 

RE the first one, yes, some guests do think there is an endless supply of certain things. It doesn't happen too often, but I've had guests who will certainly make the most of the 'free' stuff and want an endless supply of it. Much of what I list above, e.g. breakfast cereals, is not offered on my listing, so most guests who do use it see those things as a bonus but, with others, the more you give, the more they want. I think I will adjust this along the lines you suggest.

I am not sure I would suggest that guests share stuff they have bought though. What I find is that some really enjoy sharing and are often offering things to others, or will ask when they check out if other guests might want goods they are leaving behind. There are others though that absolutely do not like to share. It's amazing what people will throw away or pack into their already overstuffed suitcases, without considering that someone else could use it. The latter might get offended at the suggestion!

[Helen3]

Oh God @Huma0  these guests sound like a nightmare. I have never had this issue in six years of home sharing. I wonder if it might be because you let out multiple rooms in your place.

I would have definitely called out the guest who was stealing your food and it is stealing. I would have said something like - you may have forgotten when I showed you around that I pointed out the amenities I provide for guests in the kitchen are in the guest cupboards and other food items in the kitchen are for my personal use and this information is also in the visitor guide in your room. If you want to cook while you are here the nearest place you can pick up groceries is at XX.

To be honest I don't leave expensive soaps, make up etc in my shared bathroom when I have guests but keep it in my room.

[Huma0]

@Helen3 

Yes, it may well be because I let out three guest rooms. I started out with just one (had long term lodgers in the other rooms) and I'm trying to remember if this was an issue back then. I don't think it was.

However, it's not only when I have multiple guests staying that this happens. It has happened when I've only had one guest here at a time (more frequent these days due to COVID). 

I do keep quite a lot of stuff in my bedroom already. I get sent a lot of expensive cosmetics, perfume etc. for my job (to photograph or review etc.), and that stays in the bedroom. I would not want guests getting their hands on that stuff! 

Most of the toiletries and cosmetics in the bathroom are in a cupboard.  I don't tend to leave much of my own stuff out. Because I host long term, if I moved the contents of the bathroom cupboard to my bedroom, it would have to live there, and space is already an issue. The only solution I can think of is to put a 'private' sign or something on the cupboard door.

As for the guests who were helping themselves to my food, I was having other, more serious issues with them, so I let the food thing go. Otherwise, I would have said something. 

For sure, most of these guests are not doing it completely unwittingly because they never take other guests' things, just mine!!