What's mine is yours... or is it?

[Huma0]

Hello, this is a question directed more at homeshare hosts.

This is a problem that I don't experience so often since I stopped doing short stays, but it still happens from time to time. I provide a number of things for my guests' use and do a pretty thorough house tour, explaining what is there for them. My house rules also state not to help yourself to other people's toiletries, food etc. Still, I occasionally have guests who seem to think everything in the house is there for them. I don't want to have to lock everything away as it's my home. Do you ever have this problem and how do you deal with it?

Just to be clear, I am not talking about guests stealing things, but rather 'helping themselves'. Here are some examples:

- Even though my accommodation is not catered (no breakfast, just the tea, coffee, sugar type of basics), one couple helped themselves to all my food and who knows if they also helped themselves to other people's food, without asking. Guests are given shelf space in the fridge and cupboard spaces so there is no need for them to take stuff from other shelves/cupboards. These guys would prepare a full, hotel style breakfast with eggs, avocados, whatever they fancied from the fridge and never bought their own. They mentioned in my review how well stocked my kitchen was.

- A young lady stayed and actually took several of my professional make up brushes from a zipped case in a bathroom cupboard, used them and then put them in her own make up bag (I saw this as she left them sticking out of her unzipped bag in the bathroom). Another went into my cupboard every day and took my personal face cloths, used them and left them in a wet heap on the shower tray. Same guest was rifling through my kitchen cupboards, helping herself and moving stuff to the cupboard for guests' stuff. People helping themselves to my own personal cosmetics, make up etc. seems to be quite frequent.

- Guests who can't seem to stop opening new, packaged things. I supply guests with all the basic toiletries such as body wash, shampoo, conditioner, hand soap (both liquid and individual bars for their personal use). Still, some will rummage around in my things and unwrap fancy soaps, using them only once, or tipping a whole bottle of bath salts into the bath. Another guest opened all my condiments. There is oil, soy sauce etc. available for guests, but this one went through my own supplies opening every NEW jar to taste one spoonful.

- I provide plenty of towels for my guests and tell them to just ask if they need more. Still, several guests have taken my USED towels or those of other guests from the bathroom. They take clean towels that are hanging to dry, which is annoying as they are often for other guests. This is not a huge deal, but it is not fun to get out of the shower and realise your towel has disappeared!

None of this is major stuff. Perhaps it is just part and parcel of being a homeshare host? Or, do you have any suggestions to avoid this? I already have labels on some of the stuff that is there for guests and I don't want to stick labels on everything or put sticky notes and signs all over the place.

[Kitty-and-Creek0]

@Huma0 

If this continues to cause you distress, do keep your bathroom things in your bedroom.

[Huma0]

@Kitty-and-Creek0 

To be honest, it doesn't really cause me distress. It's more of an annoyance and I was just wondering if there was some potential solution other than having to label or lock everything away, but I guess probably not!

As I am sure you know as well as the other hosts commenting here, there are always guests here and there that ignore the house rules or information from the house tour. Doesn't mean there are bad people, but maybe they just don't take in the information because they have other things on their mind.

It's just the occasional guest who decides to raid my stuff and behaves like I set up my whole home solely to cater to them. 

I guess your solution is probably the most simple. Just hide it away! It does make storage a bit of an issue though. I have a large kitchen with lots of storage and decent storage cupboard in the largest bathroom. It's practical and storing everything in my room is not.

Probably I have to just accept that some guests are not going to respect boundaries and that's one of the issues with being a homeshare host. Luckily, most of my guests ask rather than just help themselves!

[Kitty-and-Creek0]

@Huma0 

When one shares their home, there are compromises. Always. Whether with paying guests, housemate or life partner. With paying guests, it is imho very important to give them the benefit of the doubt, always. 

[Huma0]

@Kitty-and-Creek0 

Yes, I believe you are right. Most of my guests do not raid other people's stuff, thankfully. It was more of a problem when I hosted lots of short term guests as they had more of a hotel mentality. 

It's just a few of the long term ones who think that everything is at their disposal and I suppose I can deal with that. Take a deep breath, restock and carry on. Wash those make up brushes and see the fancy soap as barter hopefully for a great review!

[Kelly149]

@Huma0 some people really just cannot (or choose to not) keep track of details... so with your long-stay setup, I would shift to a "Welcome basket" (as in here are your arrival treats and after this you are totally on your own for supplies), that would make it easy to say, "if you didn't buy it and bring it with you, then it is not for you". And then also, I think you have to train yourself and other guests to not leave not to be shared things out and about. As for towels, would color-coding help you? Pink room guests have pink towels. Blue room guests have blue towels. Owner towels are grey... etc. Install towel hooks in bedrooms and you probably just have to be prepared for things to go missing or to confront these "forgetters". Those are not your avocados that you ate for breakfast this morning, do not eat other people's food. (no please, no thank you... you cannot apply typical manners to atypical behavior). Again, color-coding int he kitchen is your friend (even if it isn't terribly pretty). Guest A has blue storage tubs, Guest B red, yours are yellow... this is how supplies are differentiated in an elementary classroom and there is some psychological push at play when things are clearly shown in a "these are yours and those are someone else's" way both for them to leave it alone and for you to feel better about correcting them if needed. You really cannot feel bad about telling people to not eat your eggs (drink your wine, use your soap, makeup, whatever)!

[Huma0]

@Kelly149 

A welcome basket seems like a good idea.

At the moment, I have a little basket or tray in each bedroom that contains things like travel sized shampoo, body wash, conditioner, body lotion, hand soap and bits and pieces like sewing kit, nail file, toothbrush, shoe shine, shower cap etc. etc. In the bathrooms, I supply full sized bottles of shampoo, body wash, conditioner, hand soap etc, labelled for guest use.

In the kitchen, I have teas etc. labelled for guests and a specific cupboard where there are things like muesli, granola, honey, hot chocolate, etc. etc. which is one of the first things I show them. Each guest is allocated shelf space in the fridge and cupboard space which is divided by boxes so they can easily see what is theirs and what is not.

Towels for each room are colour coordinated and I supply plenty of them. As for my own laundry supplies, I write my name on them.

So, I am already making quite an effort to avoid confusion over this.

Because it is a shared house, it is difficult not to leave anything out and about, but even if you don't, some people will delve into private cupboards and help themselves.

To be honest, it's not the majority of guests who behave this way, but it's enough of them that I want to mitigate it.

I think doing more of a 'welcome basket', maybe containing things such as laundry detergent pods, as well as the toiletries, and @Sarah977 's suggestion of the 'respectful home sharing guide' could help. However, I have found that many guests do not use the supplies I provide them and choose to use other people's stuff instead. Kind of weird...

[Sarah977]

@Kelly149  I was also going to suggest color coding towels and using totes in the fridge as opposed to simply a designated area of the shelves. 

And that's a really good point about treating them like children if that is what they are going to behave like.

[Mark116]

@Huma0  Also, what about getting a label maker and then you could print and  tape labels inside the cabinets and refrigerator that says guest space or X bedroom space or host provisions please do not use.  Something along those lines.  

[Huma0]

@Mark116 

Yes, that's certainly a possible solution. I was hoping to avoid having to label everything, but perhaps that's the only way?

I already label stuff that's available for guests, e.g. 'guest shampoo', 'guest body wash' etc and show the guests these during the check in tour. I was hoping that would be enough to stop people using the other things, i.e. the ones that are not labelled for guests, but apparently not!

[Huma0]

@Sarah977 

A rough draft of the respectful sharing guide:

"Hello, and welcome to my home. I try to provide ample supplies to guests, but please do ask me if you need more of anything. 

- In the bathrooms, you will find body wash, shampoo, conditioner etc. labelled for guests (as well as some toiletry supplies in your room). Please feel free to use these. There is also hand soap on the basins that you can use. Please do not help yourself to any other toiletries/towels as these may belong to other guests. Please do not take items from bathroom cabinets.

- You will find a bale of towels in your room. Please ask me if you need more. If you are on a long stay, feel free to wash these in the washing machine or I can also do this for you. However, please do not help yourself to other towels in the bathrooms or on the washing lines as these may belong to someone else.

- The coffee, sugar and selection of teas by the kettle are there for your use, as are the additional items such as breakfast cereals, honey, hot chocolate etc. in the cupboard above it. Likewise, the cupboard to the left of the stove contains oil, vinegar, salt, pepper, soy sauce etc. that you are free to use. Please help yourself! However, please don't take food and drink items from other cupboards.

- Guests are allocated fridge and cupboard space to store their food items. Please do not help yourself to other guests' things. Please let me know if you need more room to store your things.

- If you need to borrow an umbrella, there are some near the front door, but do please try to return them.

- First aid supplies are on the shelf near the microwave.

- If you need anything else, feel free to ask.

Thank you for being a considerate and respectful homeshare guest!"

What do you think?

[Kitty-and-Creek0]

Splendid!

[Kelly149]

@Huma0 could some of those instructions be condensed to say "the things that have been left out are for your use. Do not take anything out of closed cupboards."

you should get a special prize for being with your guests, in your house, it's definitely a skill and a different mindset

[Huma0]

@Kelly149 

Yes, it is a bit repetitive, especially all the 'please' but maybe that's just me being British!

Problem is, it is a shared house. I don't want to hide all my things away and, even if I did, other guests leave their toiletries, towels and some stuff in the kitchen out. Where things tend to go wrong is not being specific about you can use ABC but not XYZ.

I wish that people found it more obvious, but it's funny how some guests still have hotel mentalities. In a hotel bathroom, everything is there for you, no? You would think that people would recognise this is not the case in a shared bathroom, but...

Thanks for awarding me a special prize. Really, most of my guests are fine. I am talking about a minority here.

[Mark116 · Accepted solution]

@Huma0   That seems really wordy.

what about a more bullet point approach.

Bathroom

-Body wash, shampoo, etc. is labeled for guest use

-Please do not use any supplies in the cabinets or that are not marked for guest use

Towels

-There are X towels in your room

-If you need more towels please don't hesitate to ask.

-Please do not use/take towels that you find the bathroom, they may belong to others

-You could add something about the colors matching rooms..

Kitchen

-XXXC are for all guests' use and are in YY cupboards

-XX cubboards are for guest use, organized by YY

-Please do not use or open any other food/pantry items that are housed in other cabinets

-Do the same for refrigerator.  XX is for guests on Y cabinet

-Do not use ZZZ

Maybe it is too direct and American, but I feel like something like this more likely to be read and absorbed than full sentences and paragraphs.

[Sarah977]

@Huma0  I agree with Mark that your draft is too wordy on details. 

I was thinking more along the lines of something general:

Welcome to my home share listing. I hope you will be comfortable and happy here and enjoy sharing my home with me and my other guests.

Home share situations are unique in that you have your own private room, but share common areas with the host and other guests. This is:

Not a hotel.

Not your family home.

Not a permanent roommate situation. 

I provide some basic bathroom and kitchen supplies for guests that have been or will be pointed out to you.

Please understand that just because you see something in the bathrooms or kitchen that might be useful to you, if it has not been designated as for guest use, it is not okay to simply help yourself to it. 

Use only the towels you have been provided for your personal use.

Please do not rummage around in bathroom or kitchen cupboards. Just because I share my home does not mean I share my personal items. I am your host, not your mom or your sister. 

In the kitchen, help yourself to the supplies I provide for guests. Do not help yourself to other food in the fridge or cupboards which you have not purchased for yourself. That food is either mine or other guests'. 

Successful home sharing depends upon mutual respect. If you run out of something you need, and don't have time to go to the store, I may be able to loan you something of mine until you have time to replace it. The important thing is to ask, not to simply look for what you need or want and take it.

Remember the Golden Rule- Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.