Guest constantly abusing hospitality

[Laura2270]

To start off, I'm trying to decide if I need to ask my guest to find another Airbnb.  I'll describe his situation first.

He was apparently hit by a car recently while he was on foot, and his behavior and speech make it seem as though he suffered a brain injury.  He was in a facility for a few weeks and decided he didn't like it there.  He claims he was in another Airbnb for 2 weeks, and he's booked mine for 2 weeks.  I can't see his booking or review history, so I can't tell if he's telling the truth.

My listing he's in is a private room with a shared bathroom (shared with another listed room, I don't use that BR) and use of the kitchen AFTER they've talked to me.  This is so that I can explain where everything is and my cleaning standards for when they finish using it.  I also remodeled my kitchen myself, and I've been working to keep it as new as possible.  Every guest before him has respected my wishes.

He arrived while I was away from the house.  I'm low on groceries, because I need to go shopping.  I got home, and he had completely filled my refrigerator and put a LOT of food out on the counter without talking to me about using the kitchen despite the fact that I send that as part of my welcome message along with door codes and such.  The next morning I talked to him and he moved his items into a smaller space in the fridge, but only after he got visually upset about the whole thing.

The next day while I was out working, he rearranged ALL of the cabinets in my kitchen and the pot rack hanging above the island.  I've had over 40 guests, and he's the first person that ever decided to rearrange everything.  I told him that was unacceptable.  I asked him how he would feel if I went into his bedroom and rearranged all of his stuff, because with his brain injury, he's at the emotional and awareness maturity of a pre-teen (possibly a 10yr old), and I'm trying to get him to see how his actions are wrong... which puts me in the situation that I'm essentially babysitting someone's adult child.

When I got home the next day, he had spilled something on the counter and didn't clean it.  It was some sort of a brown stain smeared all over the counter beside my sink.  I asked him to clean it, he said he would but didn't.  A little later, I asked him to clean it again... he said he would, but didn't.  And still later, I asked him to clean it, he said he would, so I asked him when... he got up to clean it then, but he doesn't know how to clean... and he was angry the whole time he was cleaning it.

Today is his 3rd day of his 2-week booking.  I don't know if I can handle this.  I'm not his mom, but I feel like I have to be his mom.  He may be an adult by age, but he's a child by mental and emotional ability.  I honestly think he should be in an assisted living facility for traumatic brain injury.  I am legitimately nervous that he's going to accidentally burn my house down while I'm gone.

What would you do in my situation?  

[Emiel1]

@Laura2270,

You could call Airbnb and explain. Maybe they can relocate the guest or may it's the best decision they cancel  the reservation. If you feel uncomfortable with the guest, 2 weeks is a long way to go !

Contact Airbnb - A Community Help Guide [UPDATED]

[Suzanne302]

@Laura2270

I don't know what the right answer is but I would definitely want him out of my house. I also wouldn't want to burden him on any other host. Perhaps call ABB with a list of the rules he has broken and just explain you are not comfortable with him in your home. Maybe mention that his anger scares you? See if they will cancel the reservation for you?

Then you will also be dealing with how he reacts when he finds out you're kicking him out and I would have a friend with you when it happens.

If not, you're going to be dealing with his constant rule-breaking for the next two weeks!

[Laura2270]

I just found that he coffee stained a white towel I had in my kitchen then hid the evidence (it was dry), so now it's soaking in oxygen powder to hopefully remove the stain.

The thing that makes me nervous about my rights in this situation are that I don't have my rules spelled out in some draconian list.  Everyone has taken my soft rules and understood that they're a guest in my home.  I don't want a rule list that scares people away from my listing, but I guess I might have to do that... just preface it by saying that this list was compiled from prior guests that didn't understand how to be a good guest... or something like that.

Is there a general Airbnb "guest code of conduct" that I could see if he's in violation of it?

Emiel, Thanks for the info, I'll use the web site to get in touch with them once I see if I can find the code of conduct.

Suzanne, Thank you for the suggestion... I will definitely try to have someone here when I tell him.

[Ben551]

Hi @Laura2270 - it's hard to give advice when you can't see the full situation, but my instincts are saying that you should take some action to deal with it before it causes you further anxiety.  2 weeks is too long to put up with it. 

In terms of what to do about it - my feeling is that if you have "soft rules", Airbnb may drag their feet in regards to supporting you if you use the "he broke rules" route.  In my experience, Airbnb CS is great if you provide them with a "slam dunk, no brainer" situation to resolve.  For example, if you said the guest makes you feel uncomfortable and you are becoming anxious about their continued stay (true from what I have read) they are more likely to back you without question.  When it comes to how you are feeling, you don't have to point at a particular stain, spill or rule breaking... just emphasise that you feel uneasy and are becoming anxious about the whole thing.  They have to take action if that is the case, as your mental health is still your health.

Best of luck raising this and let us know how you get on.

[Sarah522]

I would do whatever you have to in order to get him out of your house. As an ER nurse, my experience (over 10 years) is that it is not uncommon for people with TBI's (traumatic brain injuries) to act impulsively and erratically to the point where it can result in violent outbursts. If him leaving isn't an option for you, I would definitely stop reprimanding him. Just chalk it up to a bad guest who is leaving in 2 weeks. If you have to rearrange your kitchen when he leaves, that stinks. Bleach out or even throw away a white towel, it's replaceable. Know he is leaving and move on. It's not worth upsetting someone who has a known history of TBI. Just get a lock on your door and try not to be home as much. Seriously, try to get him out though.

[Branka-and-Silvia0]

@Laura2270

hm...I don't think that messy kitchen and stained towels are enough for Airbnb to cancel without penalties and relocate him. Mention this in your call to ABB but don't make it sound like the main reason.

If he is really mentally challenged and act like a 10 y.o. then I would worry to leave him at home alone. As you said - he could burn your house down,  leave the front door open etc...  It seems he is better suited to a hotel / motel / mental facility.I would call Airbnb and ask them to relocate him to a hotel because you are not a baby sitter or his mum and you can't watch on him and he is not capable to be left home alone

There is also another possiblity- that he run away from the hospital and his family are looking for him. I would first try to chit-chat with him and find out his full name and the hospital he was in and contact them .  I would say that I am ABB host, have a mentaly challenged guest and as a good citizen I am worried about him because he was in the hospital and went away,  he is acting irrationally and I wonder if they and his family are looking  for him etc etc... it's a long shot but worth trying...

[Gordon0]

It doesn't strike me (as annoying as it is) that Airbnb CS are going to help you out of this one based on what you've said. He doesn't appear to be hostile, just a little odd and very needy. 

That said, two weeks is a pretty long slog to try and suck it up (believe me, I can feel your pain).

I think if you ask for him to be moved you'll a) lose the money (this might not be a problem for you?) and b) have an awkward conversation ahead. 

Good luck with whichever path you choose. 

[Cormac0]

@Laura2270

Mean while back at Airbnb HQ there counting their fees and letting you deal with tihS.

[Laura2270]

The problem I have with him is that when I try to talk to him about things he shouldn't do in an Airbnb, he gets visibly upset and angry.  My concern is that he will become angry enough to lash out.  My concern is that his mental state isn't good enough that he'll remember to turn off the stove after he's used it.  I want to see the best in people.  I noticed that I stayed in my room yesterday with the door locked all day.  I didn't go to the kitchen and prepare my food, I just grabbed an apple.  

I've been in touch with Airbnb, and apparently I'm assigned to a case manager that's not in the US, or at least not in my time zone.

I asked them to contact him to get him into another Airbnb... they seemed to agree that this is the best course of action and said they'd do it after I messaged him to let him know what was happening.  So I did, assuming they'd see the message and contact him shortly after I did.  That's not the case... I messaged him while I was out of the house, and since I've been home he's confronted me 3 times about it.  He hasn't heard anything from Airbnb.  I finally called Airbnb support, and I'm on hold with them at the moment.

[Laura2270]

And the new case manager was on top of it.  When you get the right person with the right method, things go smoothly. 

The guest is checking out tomorrow, and Airbnb is helping him find a new listing.

[Branka-and-Silvia0]

@Laura2270this is great. Please leave an honest review... something like- Guest xx refused to follow my house rules and when warned he becomes hostile. He is much better suited to the hotel

don't mention Airbnb relocation or his mental state or your review may be removed

[Laura2270]

In case anyone is wondering, his mom is the one that came to pick him up.  He was angry and being passive-aggressive as he left.  When he got in the car, he said "lets get out of here, she's crazy."  So I assumed it was his mom, and I went out there to chat with her.

He was yelling at his mom to not listen to me because I'm mean and crazy.  She told him to be quiet and let me speak.  I only told her about the kitchen takeover and not cleaning messes and his general anger when being asked to clean.  I also said that Airbnb may not be equipped to handle him, and I apologized for having to ask him to leave my house.

She seemed to understand, and she seemed more sad than anything.  She also said she had read my reviews and thinks I'm a good host.  I think she knows her son isn't good in these situations, and a friend of mine suggested that maybe she can't handle him either, so she's put him out wherever she can.

And so ends this drama.  Thanks for all the suggestions and support.