Hi @Michon2 . I am sorry to hear about your experience, which sounds really awful.
Firstly, I'm glad you left her a negative review. Don't worry, your review will be posted regardless of whether she leaves one or not. If she doesn't leave one, yours will automatically appear on her profile 14 days after check out. If she does leave a review, yours will appear as soon as she has posted hers.
Your guest totally took advantage. I assume you clearly state your check in times on your listing, so she must have known what she was doing. I would not have put up for this. If she had arrived at 2am on Friday morning, I would have told her she needed to pay for an additional night and immediately sent an alteration request to add a day to the booking, which she would have needed to accept before checking in.
Perhaps it would have been too late at that stage to add that night to the booking though, so my next recourse in that case, or if she refused to pay for an extra night, would be to call Airbnb. If your check in is from 3pm, the guest has absolutely no right to show up 13 hours before and Airbnb should back you up on this.
You would have been justified in asking them to cancel the reservation (although they probably would have given her a full refund), but I imagine at 2am in the morning, the guest would have been more amenable to paying for the extra night than having to find somewhere else to go!
Of course, she would probably have then left you a bad review, but as hosts, we cannot be held hostage to the whims of an unreasonable guest for fear of a retalitory review. Sometimes you just have to stand your ground. Plus, if she had mentioned any sort of resolution dispute in her review, you would have had the right to ask for it to be removed.
There is not much you could have done about the late check out though if you were not there. I put in my house rules that guests who stay past check out without permission may be charged for an extra night (also that guests who arrive before check in without permission will not be granted access) so I technically could have charged her for it, especially having caught her on camera! Also, perhaps including this in the house rules encourages guests (at least those who have bothered to them) to leave on time, as this is not often a problem for me.
If you haven't done so already, I would stress your check in times at every opportunity: on your listing, in your house rules, in your booking message, again when you ask them for an arrival time, e.g. I always ask, "What is your estimated time of arrival, bearing in mind check in is from 3-9pm?"
I have never had an experience like yours with a guest arriving the night before. The earliest guests arrived for check in was 9am, when they had agreed twice to come at 3pm. I did not let them in, but politely told them they should go sightseeing and have lunch before coming back at the agreed time. That is more difficult to do at 2am in the morning, especially to a solo female traveller!
I have never actually charged anyone for early check in. I simply won't check them in early unless this is something that was agreed to beforehand, i.e. it was convenient for me anyway, so I didn't bother to charge then either. I have never charged for a late check out as I haven't had anyone leave very late without asking permission. When they have left a couple of hours late without asking, I've always managed to at least get them out of the bedroom so I can start getting that ready.
I have, however, charged for late check ins (after 9pm). This is stated in my house rules and, if the guest doesn't seem to have read that or has ignored it, I remind them of it as soon as I find out they will be arriving late. This has always worked, except once, where the guest ignored the request for additional funds and my messages. I got Airbnb involved and they also tried to contact the guest without any success. They then dropped the matter as they said they could not take the money from her without her consent so, no, they didn't really back me up.
If it is an extra night added to the booking, rather than a fee for "additional services", they would probably be more likely to back you up and take the money from the guest's card, because they want their cut too!
Sorry for the long response. I hope it all makes sense!