My first negative experience - Communication

[Michelle140]

This is my 9th guest coming tonight (it's 9:40pm), and it's the first time I've felt some dread. She's booked my room (not the whole house) for a lengthy 33 days, which is a long time to be stuck with a housemate you don't get along with. I don't think she knows what airbnb is supposed to be.

Her first message indicated that she preferred to be left alone unless someone is bleeding or the house is on fire (literally said that). I tried to ask her this afternoon around when she expected to check-in and all she said was it could be anywhere from 6pm to 6am. I responded to keep me updated, as communication is a part of airbnb. I have not heard anything, and like I said, it's now almost 10pm, and I have ZERO clue what time she will be arriving.

I just don't feel right about the whole thing. Part of me just wants to get things started and if she wants zero interaction with me, then all the easier that money is to make, but at the same time, this is not why I started on airbnb.

I don't mind some (short term) guests being zero interaction, but I enjoy sharing stories and meeting people from all over, and over a month sharing my home with an enigma of a person doesn't sound like fun. Sigh. At this point, if nothing else, I think I'm going to write my first negative review =(

Is there any advice? I'm afraid to confront her, in fear of retaliation while I'm not at the house, but I'm not happy...

[Michelle140]

Robin, I sent another message this morning clarifying that she cannot gain entry into the house without communicating with me to reschedule her arrival time and working within my house rules and schedule. At the end of the message, I requested her to update with me on her plans or cancel her trip so I know not to expect her. I know technically she owes for the nights so far (and one night ahead for the flexible cancellation policy), but I will be happy as long as airbnb doesn't come up with some reason to fine me extra cost =P At this point, I definitely prefer for it to be cancelled by someone and hope to not have her stay in my home =(

[Jude7]

Wow, @Michelle0! This thread is becoming a fascinating primer for how to host, as you've been hitting on just about every topic a host needs to know. This thread should go into the archives! 🙂

So here's one more. You've mentioned several times the reviews this person has received in the past. Here's something else I've learned in a relatively short period of time - How to read and interpret review language. Ready? 🙂

Great guests have great reviews. Hosts can't seem to say enough nice things - just gushing their praises! (Same is true for host reviews, as my daughter and son-in-law sadly found out).

On the other hand - if you're reading a string of somewhat flat, somewhat neutral, somewhat minimal reviews - watch out! Although this is by no means a universal truth, less than glowing reviews would send up a red flag to me.

I think it is human nature to want to share a positive experience. Delight is so easy to recognize. On the other hand, for various reasons, people are reluctant to bash another, choosing to be somewhat neutral instead.

I do think host requirements differ depending on circumstances. But when a guest is coming into your home or onto your property, as is true also for me, I think that warrants a standard that others with differing needs, might consider high.

I'm looking for a guest with friendly communication before they book, and one with reviews that exude host satisfaction. I have accepted many guests without reviews, but their communication with me beforehand clearly identified them as being the sort of guest for whom we would be a good match.

And most of my guests HAVEN'T wanted to become my best friend, and after an initial welcome, we haven't seen much of one another other than an occasional text. But there was a comforting sense of mutual respect, a sense that someone was enjoying their stay, and a sense that all was well.

I know we all have different standards, and different needs, and that these are what work for me. My point is, however, that we all need to identify what the best match is for our particular needs, and then learn to read between the lines.

You'll have to thank this guest, @Michelle0, for teaching you everything you need to know about hosting in one visit! Because so far we have covered:
Communication
House Rules
Check-in Procedures
Communicating with Airbnb
Reviews
How to Use Twitter
The Resolution Center
Setting And Meeting Expectations

Wow! That's a pretty extensive list! Should be required reading for all new hosts! 🙂

You've done a marvelous job, Michelle, navigating the system in pro-active ways. Thank you for sharing this adventure with us. I think we've all learned a few things as a result. I know I have!

Wishing you all the best as this adventure continues to unfold. And hopefully, the only problem here is a lack of understanding on the part of your guest as to the culture and expectations of Airbnb. Who knows, Michelle? Maybe you'll turn her into a "Superguest" before this story concludes!

Jude

[Michelle140]

Reviews can be tough to interpret, especially if you don't really care if all your guests aren't the best most fun guests ever. I had a guest for a week that was so reclusive (he came to hole away and write and make some music) that I was seriously concerned on the first day that I had a dead body to deal with, ha, but he was perfectly communicative before the visit and even was honest afterwards about breaking something in the room (which shouldn't have been in the room in the first place, so my bad). I didn't have any problems with him as a guest and would host him again, even though it didn't compare to sitting out on my deck with my first International visitors chatting about life and the world. Because of my experience with that guy, I didn't think I would have a problem with her reclusive nature, as her bad review only talked about communication during her stay. If I have a chance to review her, I'll note her complete lack of communication before the stay, which should help potential future hosts know what they're getting into. But yeah, it can be tough. I also wish Airbnb would make it easy to read the reviews someone else has made on other people's pages, as that can also warn you of a trouble guest. After this experience, I will take initial communication indications more seriously, though she communicated ok initially until I approved the reservation. But I don't have much hope in changing her ways, other than hopefully making her reconsider using airbnb the way she has been... There may be some listings that work for someone who doesn't want to see anyone, but it's probably not going to be a room rental without a separate entrance... And even then, I'm not sure who would be comfortable... Most likely would be a private whole house rental...

[Michelle140]

She finally messaged 20 minutes ago and said she should be at my house around 10pm tonight, so we can do my "check-in" as she put in quotes. I asked if she could plan for earlier just in case she is running late since I can't do a late check in today (I technically can't insist, since I had a later check-in when she made the reservation - though technically her check-in was supposed to be last night and not today).

[Graham-And-Michelle0]

Hello from far away.  I have been reading and keeping up with your saga as we cruise through the Canal du Marne and await the final instalment with bated breath.  Best wishes for a happy and productive ending. You have highlighted so many issues and received a ton of useful, helpful and considerate advice.

michelle

[Andrea9]

@Michelle140

Whatever happens Michelle, stay calm, professional, friendly. If she does a haughty sarcastic thing on you, look at her in silence for a few seconds with an amused surprised look on your face and just say 'Oh?', pause. "I'm mystified why you would not think I would want to show the ins and outs of my home to a perfect stranger I have never met.' Smile. "But why would you expect that?" If she tries to rile you, counter with amused puzzlement as to how she would think this or that.

Some ppl use a vile power play of haughty arrogant sarcasm to win the upper hand. Remember she may just be here for the whole stay!  You may find yourself having to re-establish your position as queen of the castle every single day (I've had to work with somebody like that once, and wasn't mature enough at the time to deal with it well. I do hope I'm reading the signs here with her wrong...). Yet it will be the best host muscle building crash course you could get. If she does something against the house rules you'll need to point that out right away. Don't let it slide (have written house rules out in a manual in her room or pinned to a wall, whatever. She needs to not have a viable reason for not knowing. And if it gets really stressful approach her and tell her that things are not working smoothly. That you rent the room out under certain aspects and guests cannot simply re-write your rules.

Any serious conversation about such things need to be reiterated in summary in a message on the Airbnb thread.

And you know what, she'll probably end up being all bark and no bite. That I hope for you!

[Andrea9]

@Michelle140

sorry if that all sounded weird - this kind of person was one of the hardest thing for me to learn to stand up to in life and touched a nerve...

[Kathryn49]

Ugh, she sounds so entitled.  You've basically done all you could; the only adjustment I would make is to set boundaries and then detach from whether she is going to agree with them or not--set it and forget it!  I mean, she is certainly not worrying about your needs, and you have already gone above and beyond.  So like when she said she'd probably be there tonight by ten (if it ends up being convenient for her, obv), you replied by asking her if she could possibly come earlier.  Instead, I'd say something like, "Thank you for confirming your arrival time!  Just FYI, ten is the latest that I can do, so please plan ahead and adjust if it looks like there will be delays of any kind.  See you at ten or before!"

Just be cheerfully firm.  That's the only language she's going to understand.  You've done your part, several times over.  If you give her any wiggle room, she's gonna wiggle and completely ignore you.  You don't have to explain to her that you are setting limits now because yesterday was such a fiasco.  You don't have to explain that ten is the latest because you have a tough schedule in the morning--you owe her none of that, and qualifiers dilute your point.  The point is:  keep your word and have respect, lady.  And that's it.  Let us know how it goes!!

[Michelle140]

I'm always really scared of retaliation and generally just am not comfortable with people staying at my home who I have to deal with in this manner. It appears I'm only comfortable with people staying at my home if there appears to be mutual respect and trust. When that's gone, then my comfort is gone =( I have four pets in the home and I'm not always going to be there when she is, so trust is paramount...

[Kim114]

Please let us know what happened.  Did she stay?  Set up s limit on your account to 2 weeks at a time....

[Michelle140]

She came today around 8:30 for "check-in" and then left again to do some errands. Who knows if she'll be back tonight or not. This is going to be not a fun month =P On a positive note, the guy staying for 19 days next month is also staying just tonight, and we are a much better fit. I will be ready for his lengthy stay after this month with her... =(

Anyway, I think she has some type of personality disorder. I'm not sure exactly what as my psychology minor memories are starting to fade =P Ha. But there is something wrong. Now my worry is that she doesn't understand the door and security system process. She was having trouble following my instructions, so I'm wondering if I should just not use my security system for the month =P Or she'll mostly not be coming home to an empty house so it won't be on anyway, but since she doesn't communicate, I'll never know when she might be coming home early.

Also, I think I'm going to spend the whole month wondering if she's coming home or not and when. Blech. And one of the first things she said was "It it always this warm in here?" When I told her after her initial inquiry that I don't keep the ac on real high to see if that was an issue or not. I do have a floor fan in the guest room because I realize people have different comfort levels.

[Michelle140]

I just got off the phone with airbnb. This situation just isn't sitting right with me. She didn't drop anything off here and I don't think she's coming back tonight, yet again. And she gave me a different last name in person than is on her profile? Maybe related to her shyness, but unnerving nonetheless. I'm not understanding why she booked the room if she's not coming here. Going to try to get some sleep =(

[Ana7]

@Michelle140 How are you two getting along?

[Michelle140]

She finally spent the night at my home after missing the first two nights. She is basically an enigma, and I don't know why it completely freaks me out. Well, I do, ha. Normally when an airbnb guest arrives you meet and develop some sort of rapport, feel the person out, and it quickly becomes like you just have a friend visiting (whether that friend wants alone time or to socialize will differ, and that's ok). This woman has been rude, disrespectful, and inconsiderate in online communication and very strange, standoffish, not friendly at all, in person. I don't feel like I trust her or really know anything that is going on.

She continues to refuse to communicate with me her plans (I asked her to let me know when the time comes that she's planning on coming to the house). Case in point, she (as I expected) didn't quite understand about the security alarm and how to work it, so when she came home when I was not home, the alarm was triggered and I received a call from the security company. I need to know her plans so I can tell the security company that it's ok, ha, and not to send anyone to the house. Luckily, I have a doorbell camera, so I knew it was her before they called me.

This morning I was completely psyching myself out, possibly enhanced by my tiredness and lack of sleep 😉 In normal circumstances, she would be a dream guest, quiet as a mouse, but since I feel pretty uncomfortable with her, the quietness is really rather creepy. I would hear random small noises, very quiet opening and closing of the door, soft footsteps into the bathroom, toilet flush, then dead quiet. Dead quiet. Dead quiet. Nothing. Where did she go? Is she creeping into my room and I'm going to turn around and she's standing right there? Lol. I don't know if this makes sense to anyone, ha. I would hear a random floor creak, where'd that come from? I felt like I was living a horror movie, ha ha. It's hard to explain, but yeah, just really not comfortable. Or does everyone now just think I'm a freak? 😉

[Andrea9]

@Michelle140

Have you been able to figure out if she's human and not AI, haha?

Hmmm social ineptitude? or maybe she just went through a traumatic experience. Sounds like she REALLY wants her peace and quiet. Not the average Airbnb guest at all. I think I'd simply leave her alone to herself. But if she pulled off another blooper like the one with the security alarm I'd blast her one to the tune of wanting her privacy is one thing, while being arrogantly obstructing is a whole different animal. 

Makes me wonder what kind of job she has... events entertainer or children's party planner and by the time she gets home there's nothing left in her to share with anybody...

Good luck and hope your nerves calm down.

Feel free to vent as her visit goes on 😉

We're all holding our breath!