My first negative experience - Communication

[Michelle140]

This is my 9th guest coming tonight (it's 9:40pm), and it's the first time I've felt some dread. She's booked my room (not the whole house) for a lengthy 33 days, which is a long time to be stuck with a housemate you don't get along with. I don't think she knows what airbnb is supposed to be.

Her first message indicated that she preferred to be left alone unless someone is bleeding or the house is on fire (literally said that). I tried to ask her this afternoon around when she expected to check-in and all she said was it could be anywhere from 6pm to 6am. I responded to keep me updated, as communication is a part of airbnb. I have not heard anything, and like I said, it's now almost 10pm, and I have ZERO clue what time she will be arriving.

I just don't feel right about the whole thing. Part of me just wants to get things started and if she wants zero interaction with me, then all the easier that money is to make, but at the same time, this is not why I started on airbnb.

I don't mind some (short term) guests being zero interaction, but I enjoy sharing stories and meeting people from all over, and over a month sharing my home with an enigma of a person doesn't sound like fun. Sigh. At this point, if nothing else, I think I'm going to write my first negative review =(

Is there any advice? I'm afraid to confront her, in fear of retaliation while I'm not at the house, but I'm not happy...

[C-C0]

@Michelle0, you just tell that little lady to come on to Memphis so she can be ignored by the best.

[Bill50]

Best thread ever!

[Vanessa77]

This whole thing has totally made my day. I can say I have stayed at more airbnb places than i have hosted, and I wouldnt dare just book a room in someones home because i am much like your guest. I feel super awkward and strange having to share a home with people I do not know. That being said, I am surprised that she didnt just book a place more private. Good luck 🙂

[Michelle140]

@Vanessa77, I'm curious the type of places you stay at to avoid contact? What did you mean by you wouldn't "just" book a room in someone's house? Would you message to ask a question first? What do you ask? I am actually curious, but whatever your strategy is might also help me help her, maybe =P

I agree that a small house (<1300 sf) with one entry and shared living spaces is not the best place for someone who literally does not want to see or speak to anyone ever. It is very strange and sometimes uncomfortable for me to have someone going through my house who I am "supposed" to ignore in order to meet her needs. Just not my style...

Man, she updated her profile. I was going to say her profile reads "the most extroverted introvert you will ever meet", which I would say more describes me (her being "the most introverted introvert you will ever meet"). But she changed it to just saying "Professional and Respectful." I would disagree... There is a professional and respectful way of being shy and awkward, and this ain't it (in apparent disagreement with C C).

[Vanessa77]

@Michelle0

I usually will stay at entire apts where I dont have to share the space with other people. I am super socially awkward and although it has improved, there was a time when I lived in a rooming house and I would be scared to even go to the bathroom if someone else was home haha.  

  But I look for a place where there isnt too many stipulations,( i dont mind house rules, as I am respectful of other peoples property and I 100% believe that when in someone elses home, you should follow the rules, treat is as your own but he aware that it isnt and I like to think " If I wouldnt do it at my grandmas house, I wouldnt do it there") haha.

But If there is the possibility of checking in without having contact that is my ideal situation. However, I do communicate openly and am clear with arrival times. I checked out your ad, and it is honestly somewhere that I wouldn't mind staying haha, you seem very laid back and super accomodating.  I dont think I would change anything about the way you worded it, other than maybe stating that you look forward to , and enjoy meeting your guests. It shows that you are a friendly and sociable person and you expect others will at least be respectful of that as well. You may have just got unlucky with this one guest, just because someone isnt social doesnt mean they should be rude, so as much as I can see her side, I definitely see yours as well. 

 Your price is by far one of the best deals that I have seen, so you could consider increasing the price a bit to deter people who are just looking for a cheap place and arent actually reading any of your rules. I personally, read everything as I like to make sure i know what to expect, but I find a large number of people skim it at best. 

If I can help you with anything else just ask 🙂 

[Michelle140]

@Vanessa77, Thanks! I had thought I was someone who was pretty accommodating to different guests' situations and needs, until this person showed up, lol. Now I feel like I'm a terrible and unreasonable host 😉 "Treat it as your own but he aware that it isnt." That's almost exactly what I was saying talking to someone else. It seems the key to a successful stay is the host making the guest feel like it's their home, but the guest knowing that it's not, lol. It's that balance and mutual respect that makes it work.

I do want to at least meet the person, but if their needs are clearly explained (in a respectful and friendly manner) in message at least, then I try to respect them through the remainder of the stay. This woman just doesn't communicate well (if at all most of the time) and her behavior in person doesn't make me feel any more comfortable. So I don't have anything to root my trust in having this person stay in my home.

I priced compared to other listings around me. Also, if you didn't notice, it goes up $20 per extra guest above one, so it goes up for more people. I like keeping it cheap for solo travelers, but more profitable for me with more people. I think the other two around me don't go up for extra people (and only go up to two people). I agree it's cheap, which is why I will only go that low for solo people, just to meet my desire to help those solos. I'll keep my eye on others around me, as I wouldn't mind raising it just a notch. Oh, and it's also more on the weekends, if you were just looking at the $32, that's just M-Th. But yeah, price is a touchy subject and a balance to be figured out... Be cheap enough that people come, but not so cheap that it's ridiculous.

[Michelle140]

Curious... How would other people respond to "I'm paying for everything"? I know theoretically "the customer is always right", but we also know they are often not, ha.

In regards specifically to this situation, even if we were long-term housemates, one person wouldn't just do whatever they want with the thermostat, since it controls the whole house. We would communicate and discuss the best compromise, in addition to how to handle the electric bill if one person wants to insist on using it more than the other person. That's how I would handle it anyway... My listing is not intended to include free use of the heat pump to set the house (which I also live in) to whatever the guest wants. But she may also be making me tired and testy 😉

[Andrea9]

"How would other people respond to "I'm paying for everything"?"

Good one. 

"You're paying to live in a private room in a shared space, namely a private home. While it does mean that your needs should be met, there is a boundary between being reasonable and going overboard and disrespectful. When living as a guest in someone's private home you are expected to heed a modicum of social politeness, such as asking about the AC or heating. Renting expenses are based on the experience of average usage. If the guest wants extreme, then there will have to be some exchange about covering those extra costs. That's also the difference between a much more expensive commercial establishment like a hotel to renting private."

Something to that extent probably... Although you'll probably scare her away with so many words. Oh right, that's what you wanted ;D

[Michelle140]

@Andrea9, That is worded wonderfully. I hope you don't mind if I use it to help put together an in writing response to her comment...

Going beyond what you said (in regards to if the guest wants an extreme), they need to consider the comfort of the homeowner as well. While I may have a guest willing to pay to drop the thermostat down to 70 or below, I do not want my house that cold in the summer, lol. I'm just one of those people who prefers the house warmer in the summer and cooler in the winter, so I can dress for the season. If someone were willing to pay to drop the temp, we'd have to come to some sort of compromise...

[Andrea9]

@Michelle140 You're welcome to use whatever or however much you want. After I posted it I realized that I'd more or less re-worded what you'd written anyway.  And that last bit you mention is of course vital too and should be added.

Somehow I think some guests kind of forget that not all of what they pay is for what they 'use' but for us hosts giving up a part of our privacy.

I actually used that once with a guest trying to book a couple nights with reduction (I don't do reduction!). Told them that after paying my bills and cleaning and prepping work, what was left didn't cover my reduction in privacy enough and that I would rather not rent  than for too low.  I too can be such a  bitch sometimes...

[Michelle140]

@Andrea9, Thanks. I just changed that sentence to "If a guest wants extreme, then there would have to be a conversation about coming to a compromised agreement and for covering those extra costs." And to your second point, that's exactly right. That's why some people quit Airbnb. The price people are willing to pay isn't enough for it to be worth the effort and loss of privacy. That was kind of my mental response to the guy who rated me a 4 on value. I don't know what some people want or expect from us 😉 Anyway, I'm sure I have a not so good review coming my way =( But at least I already have another reservation that I'm sure I'll get a positive review from to go over top of hers =P

[Andrea9]

Sounds good @Michelle140. How I love perfectly crafted text!

BTW I just saw another way of alerting Airbnb of a guest's inappropriate behaviour, like misheeding house rules, namely flagging them. Never thought of using flagging in such a way besides when reporting scam attempt or a listing that shouldn't be on the site.

So one more tool in the box to try out if and when required. Possibly followed up by a phone call.

[Robin4]

@Michelle140 @Andrea9.......Hi girls, 

I have a simply statement I send to guests who book and may be unfamiliar with hosting accommodation.

It says….’Thank you Harold and Jane for booking your stay with us. We will do everything we can to make your stay as pleasant and memorable as possible. If you are new to Airbnb or ******* we would like to remind you that we are not a hotel or a motel! We are not a time share condominium or a backpacker hostel. We are welcoming you into our home, and would ask that you respect it, just as you would your own, after all, one day you may decide to do something similar! Please read and observe our house rules and feel free to ask about anything you may be unsure of. I can assure you I will have an answer to anything you may ask.

We look forward to your arrival and hope that this time with us will be something you will look back on with fondness….. Regards….Rob'

I know this does not suit all situations and there are some who have no level of respect for even their own property let alone someone elses but I have always had good feedback about this welcome and it does get the point across....cheers.....Rob

[Andrea9]

Good one @Robin4 thanks - I'll  certainly prepare something to that extent for those cases fitting into the newbie section!

[Donna37]

Just followed this whole thread today. Fascinating! Michelle, my hat is off to you. You are a better woman than I am. I would have turfed her out long before this. My house is mine and I can make up the rules along the way if I want to. In her review you should definitely explain that this guest would be better suited to apartment or hotel lodging than a private room in someones home. Other hosts would get the message.